this is how much i love you brooklyn. i’m halfway around the world in a provençal paradise and yet i’m still worried about making sure you have the absolute best fucking weekend possible.
does this create some sort of responsibility on your part? to read these words and take them to heart and have them move you… to bushwick, to greenpoint, to williamsburg, to red hook, to gowanus. but mostly just out onto the streets of this shining city?
well yes, of course it does. but then, why else are you here in brooklyn? and why else are you reading this? keep scrolling and then move along, dear friends. i have so, so much to show you.
PopGun Presents Everything You Want in a Thursday Night at House of Yes, Bushwick.
the only thing that feels better than cruising into work friday morning refreshed and well-rested and ready to attack the day is the feeling you get late late thursday night that is so good you don’t care about the threat of your alarm clock. just keep moving, baby. say yes, don’t say no. popgun presents zimmer, little boots, jordan james, and a few of their friends spinning better tunes than you can’t find in any other city on a fucking thursday (other than ibiza). because this is brooklyn. and this is brooklyn’s best venue. $15/20, 10pm-4am. read more about it here then go. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes, where your 9-5 is no excuse.™
Vinyl Me, Please presents The SPINS Beck Vinyl Listening Party at The Woods, Williamsburg.
ah, the woods. trying to find their way back into my heart after the great public urination incident in 2011. well, this is a great way to do it. to celebrate their exclusive re-release of beck’s odelay on vinyl, vinyl me, please presents a beck vinyl listening party. your $5 suggested donation goes to ETM (education through music). giveaways and drink specials all night. it’s like GUAU. 630-9pm, 48 S 4th st at the woods- where you should never pee outside.™
Haus of YAS Best Wedding Ever, Bushwick.
this is your best chance to make bad decisions this weekend. yeah, that’s right. i’m doing a new little bit here, hidden among the weekend guide features. along with your semi-weekly reason to cross the river , i’ll nominate your best chance to make bad decisions this weekend… and let’s just say this one takes the cake. (ZINNNG). it’s the annual house of yes best wedding ever. what does that mean? bachelor and bachelorette activities. an actual wedding chapel and licensed officiant available. drunk uncles and crazy aunts. wedding cake. champagne toasts all motherfucking night. and honeymoon suites. go to this, and wake up and have a much bigger disaster on your hands than your leftover club stamps. free before 11pm with rsvp. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes, where they never wait for a formal objection.™
Drink Local Week, All Over Brooklyn.
i know, i know. basically every weekend guide is dedicated to offering you creative ways to cover up your drinking problem within the confines of our humble borough… but it seems “explore bk” is doing the same thing, with the introduction of drink local week. think all of your favorite local haunts and distilleries and breweries with special specials and exclusive events, all week long. as if you need a reason to come in and imbibe… check out all of their events listed here and git ta drinkin brooklyn. your borough needs you.
Walking Tour: Hidden Street Art and Pop-Up Studios in Gowanus.
everything is poppin’ in gowanus right now… and not least of all saturday’s walking tour of the best hidden street art and pop-up studios in the ‘hood. 1230-230pm, $25. tickets and other info is just right here for you. things kick off at the whole foods parking lot. (so many things wrong about that sentence) 214 third st.
Pumpkin Carving Contest at Crest Hardware, Williamsburg.
what’s the best way to take out your frustration on the pumpkin craze that inevitably slaps us in the face along with the first chill of fall? stick it to ‘em at the crest hardware annual pumpkin carving contest. yep. take a stab at your most creative, frightening, or artistic designs while enjoying live music, festive drinks, and admiring the handiwork of fellow brooklynites. all info here. 5-9pm, 558 metropolitan ave at crest hardware.
Strollers + Seances: Haunted Interactive Tour of Park Slope, in Park Slope
i really hate the name of this event. because the babies aren’t going to be there and this isn’t an event for babies and also park slope was there long before the babies. let’s take back the night and also explore the rich cultural history of this borough with this interactive haunted walking tour. $15 for 2 hours of spooky tales and interactions that will make your mustaches stand on end and well… you might want to bring a change of diaper. you fucking baby.
Feeling Gloomy 7th Anniversary Party at Halyards, Gowanus.
are you sick of being asked what you’ll be for halloween this year? ok, scrooge. get over it. throw on a hoodie and a skeleton shirt of sorts and head to the pre-halloween donnie-darko-themed 7th anniversary party al halyards. what does that mean? hoodies. tees. a scary tour of the halyards basement. djs spinning inxs and tears for fears and joy division and all that other good shit. wear a costume and win prizes. or just come as you are. your prize will be this event. read more here if that wasn’t enough. 11pm-4am, $6, 406 3rd ave at halyard’s, where something happens and you’lre head over heels.™
Greenwood Cemetery and Catacombs Exploration, Sunset Park. $39
i know you’ve always wanted to explore the annals of our borough. well, this could be your chance. the new york adventure club pauses coming up with overly-creative and obscure group names and takes us way down deep into the historic catacombs of greenwood cemetery for a night you won’t soon forget. everything you need to know is right here. $39, 645-9pm, 500 25th st.
St Vitus Halloween Market, Greenpoint.
you know st vitus for their death metal and avant-garde alternative shows. thus a segway into the abnormal and abstract artisanal sphere (is there such a thing?) isn’t too far-fetched. come to their infamous halloween market this sunday for vintage and artisan goods. collectibles. oddities. read all about it here. because we all know what happens when we mix artisanal and the paranormal…demi moore and patrick swayze. that’s what. 1-6pm, 1120 manhattan ave.
Baby Making Food Class. in Dumbo.
hahahaha. is it just me or is this clearly a class on how to make meals consisting solely of aphrodisiacs? they incorrectly titled this event but man it makes me laugh. i suppose this is a class for those for whom it’s too late. babies been made. $65 etc etc etc let’s just concentrate on contraceptives, shall we? #safesexiskindofbetterthannosex
The Spirited Pen: Writers Talk About Whiskey (instead of just drinking it), Brooklyn Navy Yard.
drink the whiskey of our forefathers and sip in the spirits of the greatest writers of all time as you take a tour through new york’s oldest distillery (and tasting room!). after your distillery tour, brooklyn-based writer william hogeland sheds some light on america’s oft-ignored history with the spirit. tour includes 4 tastings and plenty of history and inspiration. bring your own pen. 5-6pm. $15. other info is here so drink up. 299 sands st.