There are certain expectations you have when entering any eating establishment or glorified watering hole in North Brooklyn. It will be cute. It will feel charming. It will have clever lighting, it will feel thoughtful, it will make you want to sit, and stay, and have a drink and a small plate, or three. It will be all of these things because if not, honestly, it will never make it. If a place doesn’t feel well thought out and “unique” it will not grab our coveted attention. 

And then there are certain places you walk in that you can tell aren’t playing the same game. They’ve subscribed to no algorithm. 

They greet you with a warm, genuine, “Buona sera!” even though you are neither Italian nor in Italy. There are photos and wine bottles covering nearly every surface of the walls, enveloping you with a warm history of vintages and memories within these walls. There is a leg of Spanish jamon sitting on the bar, ready and waiting to cure any small plate craving you’ve got.

This feeling is inimitable. It’s genuine. And it surprises me still every time I walk into Have & Meyer. And probably because they aren’t trying to be anything else. They are an Italian wine bar owned by Italians, with only Italian wines on the menu. All available by the glass, because they have no desire for that by-the-bottle-only pretension. They want to invite you into their space, to help you navigate their rather intimidating wine list, to let you try wines until you settle into one that suits you, and to make you feel at home… if home, of course, was a small town nestled in the Tuscan hills and not this concrete jungle of a city.

I should mention, also, that all of the wines on the list are natural or biodynamic. And this is not because they’re trying to be trendy. It’s because they believe in the original, non-industrial method of winemaking, and want to support those winemakers who do the same. And this does come with a bit of a pricetag, but know that that extra $2 is helping an Italian vintner keep his family tradition alive and the wine in your glass alive and well too. 

If you need help imagining said farmer, as you sip, take the time to read the stories on the back of the menu. “The Farmers’ wines you are about to relish are not simply made by winemakers that respect. They are made by nonconformist, defiant mavericks that we are proud to call ‘artists’, apostates, and rebels for whom “respect the Earth” is not a marketing claim, but a way of life.” What follows is an evolving list of impactful anecdotes that will make every sip feel more profound, and the pricetag less painful.  

Find yourself here on a date or on your own. Trust the friendly Italian staff to help you navigate the menu. My recommendations? Choose a funky orange wine and a portion of jamon for one, or two, or three, regardless of how many you are. Sit and sip and appreciate this untouched and rather hidden gem in the middle of trend-hungry, misguided Williamsburg.

Have & Meyer, you give me something to believe in. 

Find them at 103 Havemeyer St.

Follow them at @haveandmeyer

Keep up with their events calendar at haveandmeyer.com

can i tell you something? i don’t want to say it too loud, so lean in.

come on, get closer.

(i think that winter is over.)

YEP. i said it. and that means a few things here:

1. we have got to stop listening to that groundhog for our seasonal weather reports.
2. let’s throw all of our scarves and hats and cloves into the back of the closer and strip away layers of clothing along with our inhibitions and throw caution to the wind.
3. meet me in the park and let’s drink until the sun goes down then dance on a rooftop until it greets us again this and let summer start within us, to hell with what the calendar says.

and so what if we’re wrong? if it gets cold again and then we can’t find our gloves and hats? let’s believe it and live it right now. because that’s why we live here, to squeeze every moment and extract a more significant life out of the fruits of our labors.

and in that case, consider me a juicer, baby. because i’ve squeezed out all the best ways to get after it this weekend and i’m serving it to you in a cool and frothy glass, ripe and ready for the drinkin’ and i call it your weekend guide.

drink up, it’s all here for you.

THURSDAY

Hand Pulled Noodles of Xi’an at MOFAD, Williamsburg.

Two Step Lessons at Threes Brewing in Gowanus

step 1 – head down gowanus. step 2 – get pulled onto the dance floor semi-unwillingly for a two-step lesson. step 3 – drink what threes been brewing three times. 4 – feel loose and git your two step on. 5 – repeat, repeat, threepeat. lesson starts at 845pm, blue steel starts at 930 and won’t stop until you stop steppin’. (so don’t stop steppin.) all info here, 333 douglass st at threes brewing – i’ll try anything thrice.

 

FRIDAY

Dolly Parton Lookalike Contest at Mable’s Smokehouse, Williamsburg

Private Party with Rinsed, somewhere in Bushwick. 

Good Room turns 4! Anniversary Party in Greenpoint.

can you believe it’s been 4 whole years since the good room was born from the remains of the old club europa? 4 years of us partying our asses off, all night, to some of the best house music this town has to offer? 4 years of finally finding a worthy place to do bad things? well, let’s commemorate it all friday night by celebrating such an epic anniversary and of course pretend that we haven’t aged a bit. taakaki itoh and iori spin tunes all night. $15, tickets and info here. and hey brooklyn, here’s to 4 more years of being bad. 98 meserole ave.

 

809 Project Fundraiser at Bar Matchless, Greenpoint.

while we are all riled up and resisting and fighting for so many things we took for granted before the toupeed cheeto took office, let’s make sure we’re also using this momentum and passion to help people outside of our country who are in need. saturday night at bar matchless in greenpoint come jam out to 7 bands as part of the 809 project, a cross-genre arts festival that helps raise awareness and funds for issues in the dominican republic. saturday night’s event goes to support the dream project, a non-profit focusing on early childhood education and development. tickets are only $15 and are available here. 7pm, 557 manhattan ave #revelwithacause

Super Powers Dance Party at House of Yes, Bushwick.

the atmosphere at house of yes has us all feeling like we have super powers. aerial acrobatics, extracurricular habits, pink rabbits… and those bathrooms. let’s all dress the part saturday night at their super powers dance party. come dressed as your favorite super hero, comic book character, or just wear something wacky and make up a name, an ability, an adventure. their all-resident dj lineup is guaranteed to have you movin’ all night. free before 11pm! tickets and other info here. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes means no means yes means no means yes, yes  yes.

ah yes, it’s OSCARS sunday! check out my top neighborhood picks below and drink all of the champagne you can handle. because why not. #campaignforchampagne

The Diamond, Greenpoint.

i love this bar. and you should too, if for no other reason than their reference to “dark lord cheeto” on this poster and the fact that there will be “oscar meyers in blankets” at the party. and, of course, the 7-minutes in heaven gondola out back. this is the oscars party you want to go to. starts at 6pm. all other info here. 43 franklin st.

Northern Territory, Greenpoint.

Humboldt & Jackson, Williamsburg.

so you wanna get fancy? you still don’t have to cross the river. head to humboldt & jackson’s oscars party. get glammed out and walk the red carpet (for real), participate in a best dressed contest, document how good you look dressed up in their photo booth, and win raffle prizes. plus drink specials and oh yeah, the oscars.  you can watch them here. rsvp required, do so here now. party starts at 7pm. 434 humboldt st.

you’re all winners in my book.

<3L.

we’ve been fighting, brooklyn. fighting to live, fighting to survive, fighting to navigate this concrete jungle we landed our vicious hearts into, fighting stubborn landlord tyrants who have somehow been placed in positions of great power in this city. fighting.

and all of this fighting, of course, is from the intense and immense free-flowing love we have abounding from our hearts, moving our feet, stimulating our minds, helping us come up with really charming slogans for our blogs. and as love fearlessly and relentlessly trumps hate, let’s use this weekend of love to make a difference, to see a difference, to insight a difference and of course to simply make love. revel with a cause, brooklyn. and love with a purpose (not a porpoise) and make love, be love, spread love…

it’s the brooklyn way.

ALL WEEKEND

Grand Street Restaurant Week, WIlliamsburg

ah, restaurant week in new york. highly anticipating and seemingly a great way to have a new experience for a great value! and then you get there and it’s overrun and the food blows and everyone is on top of each other and you order too many drinks to deal with your frustration and then you’re paying way way more than anticipated for a mediocre experience. which i guess is also exactly what it’s like living in manhattan. let’s just do this ish our own way. it’s grand st restaurant week, and just as every time you’ve ever subbed one experience for another across the river, it will be so much grander. 12 amazing restaurants, it’s happenign through the 12th. all info you need is here, including menus! along grand st. 

Matthew E White and Flo Morrissey at Baby’s All Right, Brooklyn. 

it is so so easy to share the love of your hometown when your hometown has as much amazing musical talent as richmond does. lucy dacus, dj williams projekt, no BS brass band and of course gwar… and the gem that is matthew e white. his mix of soulful gospel funk digs deep down into your soul and settles there, slightly familiar and engaged. see him play along with flo morrissey at baby’s all right thursday night. all info here, 146 broadway. at baby’s all right – make baby’s all right again

FRIDAY

Prom 2017 at The Gutter, in that gray area between Greenpoint and Williamsburg.

ah, prom! that night of really bad fashion choices, really bad vodka that was hidden indiscreetly in water bottles and chugged in the back of someone’s jeep and immediately followed by really bad dance moves and really bad sex. let’s redo it, eh? ok maybe not the outfits or the cheap vodka but definitely the mediocre love-making. we deserve more, and more, and then more. don’t you tell me to get my head out of the gutter, until you get your head into it. 8pm-midnight, $5. all proceeds go to benefit the ACLU, so we’re already doing much better  4 bands play all night, the rizzos, dentist, the mad doctors, and sirs&madams. all info here, BYOcorsage, and then stick it in someone. baby. everything you need to know is here. 200 N 14th st.

 

 

It’s Friday, I’m (not) In Love Party at Littlefield, Gowanus.

you know the best way not to get a little love on valentine’s weekend? it’s to bitch about love. instead, open your hearts and your lips baby. and come to this, “it’s friday i’m not in love” anti-valentine’s day party and change that little opinion of yours. have some drinks, get loose. dance up on a stranger. make love in the bathroom. i don’t care how you do it, just quit your bitchin. also there’s a photo booth. wear all black, prizes for creativity. $6-10. all info here. 622 degraw st.

Planned Parenthood Danceathon at the Knockdown Center in Astoria.

WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE! our bodies, that is. they are temples and there are so many rad ways to celebrate and demonstrate.  so this weekend. revel with a cause baby, knock ‘em down, dance it out. at the planned parenthood danceathon at the knockdown center. 9pm-2am, all info here. 52-19 flushing ave.

 

 

El Imperio plays at Threes Brewing, Gowanus.

so it was just threes birthday and we all missed it. yeah. but that’s ok because we can go and celebrate and dance and groove saturday night to el imperio, who will be mixing a rather intoxicating blend of afrobeat, latin, soul and rock to layer over the already intoxicating brews overflowing with love from every oraphus at threes. and by oraphus i mean tap. and your pores as you sweat on the dance floor. drink up and absorb. the event is free, 8-11pm, all info here. 333 douglass st. at threes brewing- i’ll try anything thrice.

 Anti-Valentine’s Day Party at the Mccarren Park Hotel, Williamsburg.

SUNDAY

Greenpointers Valentine’s Day Market, in Greenpoint!

Mama’s Bazaar Valentine’s Market at House of Yes, Bushwick.

<3L.

it’s the first week of december. let’s check in. holiday hangovers in full swing? have you picked last year’s dried eggnog vomit off of your tacky sweater? should i even bring up christmas shopping? let’s face it… we’re all just  waking up from our turkey comas and shaking off that residual “don’t talk about the election” tension from thanksgiving. so give yourself a break this weekend. push off any other holiday obligations for a few days. clear your mind and your heart but don’t rest that liver, or  those eyes. ’tis the weekend to be selfish.

besides, there aren’t that many more chances to secure your coveted spot on santa’s naughty list. come with me, brooklyn. let’s put the “fiesta” in… fiestive.

THURSDAY

ImageDrink at Berg’n, Carroll Gardens

a meet-and-greet that’s drawing themed. why? because do you have any better ideas on how to meet people in this city? cool. well Berg’n does, and it’s happening thursday night. ice-breaking drawing games to warm you up this season, supplies and holiday-themed festivities (including a collaborative mural!) by ThinkDraw. $10, 7-10pm, more info here. 899 bergen st at Berg’n, where the E is so strong, you only need one.

FRIDAY

Brooklyn Rugby Calendar Release and Date Auction at Littlefield, Gowanus.

mmm nothing makes being single more obvious than the holidays. all those christmas party invites, your mother relentlessly commenting about your lack of a boyfriend at dinner, and the extra layer of weight you put on all make it very obvious that you are going home alone at night. wellllll, not friday night. not fucking friday night. bring home a burly brooklyn rugby player AND a calendar, and feel good about it, in more ways than 3. it’s the brooklyn rugby calendar release party and date auction and it’s at littlefield friday night, in all of its burly ruggedness. all info here, 9pm-2am, 622 degraw st. at littlefield.

The Bushwick Starr Holiday Party, at The Bushwick Starr, in Bushwick.

Blunderland Variety Show, House of Yes, Bushwick

who knows how many more opportunities we’ll have to get on the naughty list this year? this, for sure, will be one of them. it’s a holiday-themed burlesque, cabaret, circus variety show at house of yes and that means anything goes. and comes. and you will leave shocked and entertained and well a whole lot of useful ideas. 7-10pm, $15 tickets and details here, 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes, where they put the wonder in wonderland.

The Bell House Holiday Striptease, Gowanus. 

well folks i’ve spoken too soon. there are actually plenty of opportunities to secure your spot on the naughty list, if you haven’t already. come to the bell house friday night for the it’s too damn early holiday strip tease. that’s right folks. because when i combine my anger at christmas decorations and holiday activities all happening too far before the actual hoilday with all of the calories i so nearsightedly consumed over thanksgiving, i just want to take my clothes off in protest. (i mean it actually doesn’t sound that bad… i’ll do it if you do it.) let’s all do it. together. friday night at the bell house, featuring the most festive lady and fella strippers from wasabassco. 730pm, $20 tickets and other info here. 149 7th st. at the bell house, just be there with… something on. or nothing. whatever.

Grand Wonderland along Grand St, Williamsburg.

Treetops presents Let Them Eat Cake at House of Yes, Bushwick

i know what you’ve been thinking… if only there was a french-revolution themed party. where i could finally wear my best liaison dangereuse get-up and get down with other aristocratic provocateurs, some performing aerial acrobatics, some of them popping out of pastries and cakes, marie antoinette will be there having all of the layers of her decadent attire eaten off of her while we all dance around a flaming organ. guys, THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. yeah. so, i don’t know- find yourself a place to fit in among all of that madness, or simply come. and partake in this event. saturday night, 10pm-5am, tickets $30-45 buy here and read their rad explanation of the event.  2 wyckoff ave at house of yes, where you and i become oui!

SUNDAY

American Field Pop-Up Market, Brooklyn Expo Center, Greenpoint.

wanna know something, brooklyn? i’m your secret santa. have been the whole time. will be always, as long as you’ll have me. and this your gift. this, of course, and my undying love and affection. you’re welcome.

<3L.

when love is a whisper and hate is a roar it feels hard to know how to speak again, how to move again, how to be again.

no matter what side of the coin you fall on, we’re divided and it hurts and it’s hard to know what to do now. but the important thing is to hold on to this energy. to embrace our anger and concern. to move, to breathe, to demonstrate, together. and we can start in so many ways but the first is within our communities and our cities. get out, get going. don’t hide in your homes within the safety of your opinions. have every one of those conversations and maybe a laugh or two. see the other side or have a healthy debate. understand that there’s more that unites us often than divides us so let’s figure out how to do this together.

as with every week, i’ve found the best options in the city for doing just that. so hold on to me and hold on to each other and let’s feel better and make better and do better, together.

THURSDAY

Live Reading from The King of Greenpoint, TBD Bar, Greenpoint. 

to know where you came from and where you’re going… new york is by definition a melting pot. and we are stronger and so much more intelligent because of our smattering of cultures and heritages and beliefs. but this place we have descended upon has a story and a heartbeat too, other than ours. so let’s hear about it and listen to it thursday night, at TBD bar. author geoffrey cobb reads from his book the king of greenpoint (of course not to be confused with the king of the bears of greenpoint). come learn about the life and reign of peter j mcguinness. a night of stories and beer and wine. free. 7-8pm, 224 franklin st. at TBD, where everything has already been decided for you we just know how much you like suspense

Southern Tier benefit for Homeless Pets, at Rosamunde Sausage, Williamsburg.

Ghostwriter Viewing Party, Videology, Williamsburg.

Mortified at Littlefield, Gowanus

SATURDAY

so a little thing is happening this weekend that i like to call MY BIRTHDAY.

i wanted to take this perfectly lovely fall weekend to show you how to spend an ideal birthday weekend in new york. with all of your best friends and like maybe your dad or something doing all of my favorite things but not aging a bit, of course. so come along and i dont know, maybe bring a gift that i’d like or something. (seriously, you’re invited.)

Tapas and Paella at El Born, Greenpoint.

yep. when people have birthdays, especially of the decadian significance, they want to share good foods and great wines with the best people. and maybe pretend a little bit that they are in spain. have all of this and so so much more saturday night at el born. hear me gush about it here more than a piping hot croqueta then come. 8pm. 651 manhattan ave.

OTHER non-birthday festivities include:

Bloody Mary Battle, Villain, Williamsburg. 

so you have to really really like bloody mary’s. or need a reason to justify getting really really fucked up friday night other than THAT REALLY OBVIOUS ONE. saturday brings you a round of hangover cures in rather epic and disjointed proportions at the bloody mary battle. some bartenders battle it out to bring you the best mix in the city of this boozy gazpacho. i mean hey it doesn’t sound bad but there is truly only.so.much. tickets, 45-65, are available for purchase here. and there will be food there but it will be extra so you better hope that your bloody mary has a little something in it that even comes close to the two VERY BEST in the neighborhood and probably the whole entire world actually hey let me just save you the trouble k cool BYE.  (50 N 3rd st.)

 

Imagine This: Women’s International Film Fest at the Wythe Hotel, Williamsburg.

the theory of opportunity- it can be created but never, ever destoryed. simply translated and embraced and empowered. so this weekend, it’s a good time to scooop up and empower some of that opportunity that may have been perceived as lost. at they wythe hotel, in the form of “imagine this”, a women’s international film festival focused on celebrating, uplifting, and encouraging creative projects by women. all info is here, fest is saturday and sunday, 11am and 8pm. tickest $10-45. 80 wythe ave.

 

Renegade Craft Fair, Metropolitan Pavilion, Manhattan.

where crafts are dangerous again! head to the met pavilion to peruse among booths and tables of patiently created and curated goods that are guaranteed to charm the pants right off of you. which of course is fine because there are plenty of hand-crocheted undies to keep you covered. make it til you break it then you buy it. saturday and sunday, 11am-6pm, everything else you need to know is here.125 W. 18th St.

 

Fall Hall Bar Crawl at Union Hall, Park Slope. 

you know what sucks about bar crawls? their over-ambitious tendencies and inevitably sloppy endings and where-the-fuck-did i leave my debit card and overall tendency to bring you to your knees. on a crawl. WELL not this one! a humble yet hopeful 3-bar crawl in park slope brings us thorugh union hall, (others) for a just-tipsy-enough-but-still-standing adventure. tickets and info here, 702 union st. at union hall where you must fall before you crawl.

 

SUNDAY

Intro to Graffiti Class, Bushwick.

i don’t know if you guys have ever tried your hand at graffiti, but from what i hear it is a hell of a lot harder than it looks. especially at 5am after being at house of yes all night. and for some reason choosing that wavy metal siding as your canvas. anyway, regardless of your circumstances, it never hurts to practice. so that when you get caught red (or blue or purple) handed, you at least have some artwork to show for it. this class in (yep!) bushwick teaches you how and helps you define your own style. $70 gets you in. and apparently, $200 gets you out, so just don’t get caught. bitch. all info here, 1130-1pm, 110 troutman st.

 

Second Sundays at Pioneer Works, Red Hook.

red hook’s darling pioneer works brings us their monthly series of open studios, live music, and site-specific interventions… plus musical performances, djs, their open-air market and sculpture garden in the backyard and a unique look into the inner workings of this beautiful living gallery and communal artist workspace. 4-10pm, $10 suggested. all info here. 159 pioneer st. at pioneer works- the first of its kind!

what not to miss

how not to miss it

save me some chablis, and a cozy little spot beside you.

<3L.

we work hard in this city, and that’s the beauty and downfall of new york- no one is here because they just ‘ended up here’. we’re here because we have something to believe in, to fight for, to work towards. and well, we’ve come a long way, baby. and it’s about time that someone recognized it. this labor day weekend, let’s reap the fruit of our labors. let’s weep for the labors that we’ve had to put in just for our fruits to blossom. and then die. before we could even retrieve them. let’s experience everything that this city has to offer beyond the confines of our cubicles! let’s close our laptops and leave our to-do lists undone and not even put up an out of office and let’s never look back brooklyn.

(are you picturing me on a soapbox in front of the statue of liberty holding a bottle of champagne with a slight tear in my eye?)

(oh… well, are you doing that now?)

ok you unimaginitive little beasts- lighten up and read on.

and let’s fucking get to work.

THURSDAY

Thursday Supper at the Farm on Kent, Williamsburg. 

New York Salsa Congress, all over the city, all weekend.

with all of the club-bumping we lose ourselves into each weekend, celebrate instead this stunning form of artistic expression. this weekend is the annual new york salsa congress, featuring free lessons, showcasing some of the greatest salsa dancers from all over the world, hours of open dancing with live bands and each night offering an after party that starts at 3am. nothing is more captivating or seductive than salsa dancing, and i guarantee it will heat up in a much better way than the panther room at output. events schedule, tickets, and a bunch of other stuff to get you pumped found here.

FRIDAY

Black Rock Brooklyn at House of Yes, Bushwick.

Rule of III Pop-Up at Duke’s Annex, Greenpoint.

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Riis Beach Bazaar, Jacob Riis, The Rockaways.

Electric Zoo After Party,

MONDAY

 

Summer Mondays at Zurilee Park, Lefferts Gardens.

yep, somehow i’ve missed this. all summer. i’ve let you down, brooklyn, and i’m sorry. but i’m not hanging up my hat, not just yet. apparently all summer zurilee park has been handing out free beers plus having mad cool dance parties with all-night happy hour deals and dope pizza. and djs. in a fresh as fuck backyard. and i haven’t been going, and neither have you i bet. so let’s go to the last and pretend like we’ve been there the whole time. “wow, i’m surprised they chose these pizza toppings for the last bash!” and “mmm, this must be the 82nd free zurille beer i’ve had this summer!” anyway, whatever we’ll make it work. monday. if you really need to know more than free beer, i guess click here. 230-11pm, 755 flatbush ave. at zurilee- a place i haven’t been. yet.

Labor Day Beach Party at Videology, Williamsburg. 

ah yes and then of course this non-beach beach party at videology. this is the beach party for all of you excuse makers who aren’t going to make it to the beach. and you pale people. heyyy, i’m kidding. this is going to be a cool party and everyone has their reasons for not hitting the beach. let this be yours. tropical cocktails and beachy films all day, all night. party starts at noon, info here, 308 bedford ave.

Go to Jacob Riis.

#screendoorofenchantment at Reclamation Bar, Williamsburg. 

this event promises that “you will be transported to a far away land within brooklyn”… YES. i have no idea what this is. absolutely no clue. but you know what i do know? i will take the secret door of enchantment in hopes that it leads me anywhere other than being hungover and sunburnt and angry at my desk on tuesday morning. i won’t even look back, not once. let’s go together. 8pm-midnight at reclamation bar,

there isn’t any information on it but here is a website. go on, click away. unless you’re john nash there are no other hints there. 8pm-midnight, 817 metropolitan ave. at reclamation bar- a place for scavengers.

<3L.

i’m worried about us, brooklyn. about all of us. that pleasant little breeze that’s been in the air, licking our skin and whispering in our ears, “feels good, doesn’t it?” well it might as well be the kiss of death. it’s coming brooklyn.

i don’t want to stop seeing your knees.

so let’s shed our clothing with our inhibitions and show off that summer skin all the way to the end, holding hands and listening to this song and not looking back, even once.

you’re getting warmer already….

THURSDAY

Loaded Canon Reading Series at Brooklyn Oenology, Williamsburg.

may this photo serve as evidence that wine and storytelling are impossible to separate. so many tales from these weathered boots and bota, from this inimitable truth comes thursday night’s loaded canon reading series at brooklyn oenology. it’s literature and storytelling meet cocktails and wine meeting all of you meeting each other. this series focuses on the unfinished works from the city’s rising generation of authors, and the fresh and untested words will juxtapose the earthy, complex, and matured wines flawlessly. 6-9pm at brooklyn oenology, 209 wythe ave. because you can’t spell raconteur without oenology having a little wine first.

Vegan Blue Plate Dinner at Archestratus, Greenpoint.

family dinner goes vegan at archestratus thursday night, as owner Paige Lipari attempts to prove that sicilian food can stand alone without meats and cheeses. and egg products. and meats. come thursday for this family style meal of homemade calzones, plus bread and beer and wine, at one of my favorite places in greenpoint. $17 for the plate, drinks are for sale, all info here. 7-9pm, 160 huron st.

DJ Reaganomics at Threes Brewing, Gowanus. 

the olympics inspired us to do a lot, inspire us to be more active, show us that any goal, no matter how seemingly insurmountable, is attainable, and make international diplomacy seem within our reach, among other things. but with all this rio coverage i haven’t been able to get that samba out of my hips. and i want to try to work some of it out, with you, at threes brewing. meet me thursday night for dj reaganomics, spinning all of your favorites samba, salsa, mambo, basically everything you need to loosen up those hips and make some bad decisions. it’s free, 333 douglass st, at threes brewing- i’ll try anything thrice.

Dirty Thursday at House of Yes, Bushwick.

i don’t know about you but once the heat wave lifted i’ve felt a bit too clean, a bit too unsweaty. and i had a handy cleaner come monday and she did the standard mild-to-average bit of cleaning, and i’ve only told three four lies this week. i’m too clean. i don’t want to wait until friday to get dirty, ya heard? join me thursday at the house of yes for dirty thursday, their weekly opportunity to make the baddest of decisions, with all of your closest friends and future one-night-stands, plus an outdoor garden, djs all night, and cheap cheap drinks. get down and dirty fo’ free, all info here, 1-pm-2am, 2 wyckoff ave. at the house of yes– they put the sensual in consensual.

FRIDAY

Party at San Damiano Mission, Greenpoint.

yep, that’s at a church. with friar bartenders. but in the brooklyn way, we might as well go to the source. sinning and asking for forgiveness at the same time. and place. having a bit of the sacrament and the poison. and dance yrself clean, or dirty, there’s no judgement there. that of course is reserved for the big guy. party starts tonight at 8:30pm, doors at 8. suggested donation at the door- $10, cash or credit. all other info here. 21 nassau ave. at the san damiano mission, “meeti…” (i didn’t make that one up, it’s actually on their website…)

Taculitos Pop-Up at Brooklyn Safe House, Greenpoint.

there is nothing safe about the brooklyn safe house. and not in the “hey babe, take a walk on the wild side” kind of way. it’s bad in there. but something about taculitos makes my little butt come a runnin’. every friday night, these babies pop up and serve you the cutest and most asstastic taculitos you’ve ever eaten. go there, i guess. maybe take one to go. i’m probably just going to hold my breath and reach my hand in the doorway and get my taco and run for the hills. 120 franklin st, 7pm-1am. check out their hilarious instagram here, then get your sweet little ass there.

SATURDAY

BBQ and Mezcal Bonanza at Esme, Greenpoint.

you know those days this summer that you wished you could have all of your friends in one place? you know, the smart one, the smokey one, the drunk one, and the odd one… well they are all waiting for you just dow the street at esme’s mezcal and bbq bonannnnnza! all of your neighborhood homies- archestratus books, oddfellow’s icecream, duke’s liquor box and brujo mezcal converge upon esme’s enchanting outdoor garden for a smokey celebration of pulled pork and fermented cacti. it’s bbq and mezcal folks and it’s just for you. 1-6pm free.  at esme- where it’s not you, esme.

PS1 Summer Warm-Up, Long Island City.

you have NO excuses any more and i can’t help you. THIS IS THE LAST ONE, so i recommend GOING. no one cares who’s playing. we’re all going. together. (this is not a “oh i have a few hours, i’ll check it out” kind of affair. it will take all of your saturday and at least 3/4 of the mental space of your sunday. and it will all be worth it.) tickets here. i’m already heatin’ up.

oh and don’t forget to check out the tent of secrets, located in the back of the arboretum in the sculpture garden.

RoofTop Above Pool Party at the McCarrren Hotel, Williamsburg

Brooklyn Bike Rave, in Brooklyn. 

Mean Red’s Dark Disco on the Roof at Output, Williamsburg. 

ah, of course- you can always do the rooftop party another time. next fucking summer. stop kidding yourself, and head to output’s rooftop satruday for mean red’s dark disco on the roof. sounds dangerous, sounds precarious, but i guarantee the only sound you’ll here are the sweet motherfucking beats of rezz, cry baby, hiyawatha, and the unending and infectious cries of joy from all of your best friends. tickets and info here, at output– where you have to put out to get in.

SUNDAY

Bulletin Market Pop-Up, Williamsburg.

because all of our blacktops should be markets before they become something sad. be happy this weekend at the bulletin market in that sacred space on driggs, before its replaced by granite countertops and mundanity, let’s not take it for granted. they have tacos, meatballs, cornhole, faux grass benches, djs! a cooling station. everything you could ever want so go. driggs and n. 8th st. check it out and rsvp here!

Coney Island Street Art and Beach Run, Coney Island.

The Enchanted Realm of Rene Magritte, Governors Island.

because the only way to get inside his head seems to be to get outside your own, governor’s island brings us a uniquely immersive dive deep into the complex subconscious of rene magritte, surrealist visionary and artistic genius. or mad man. of which there is little difference, of course.  the exhibit runs through 25 sept but go now. $15 tickets and info here, at house 17, nolan park, governors island. one thing you won’t regret this weekend- magritte.

what not to do this weekend- tove lo plays webster hall.

and then we hold hands and watch the sunset and turn our backs to september as it approaches and weep together.

<3L.

ok folks let’s check in here. it’s august 18th- how many hot dogs have you had this summer? at what shade is your summer skin? do you know where your unborn children are? well not to panic here or anything but TIME IS RUNNING OUT. get out there and make some bad decisions and get a sunburn and smother yourself in mustard. and then rinse off in a chilled rosé shower. and then jump in the ocean, or hug a stranger or I DON’T KNOW ok? but i’m panicking. let’s all take a deep breath of this hot luscious august air and attack these last few weeks, together. with our sweaty palms squished tightly against each other.

come with me. and don’t you dare look back.

THURSDAY

Happy Hour at The Break Vintage, Bushwick.

REVEAL at the Warsaw, Greenpoint.

the warsaw is an old polish national house in greenpoint where you can see everything from monsters wrestling, community bingo night, and progressive musicians doing progressive things. thursday night will transform the cafeteria-event hall into an exhibit showcasing the best current and local artists in film, fashion, music, art, performance and everything else it says in that handy graphic above. there will be a runway show, a medley of live music, interactive visual art galleries and living hair and makeup statuettes on pedestals that will make you question hair, makeup, and humanity. go to this event and be amazed at the limitless nature of art and performance. tickets, $20 can be purchased here. hang up the hooligan garb you normally wear to the warsaw, it’s cocktail attire. so get fancy. 7-11pm, 261 driggs. info and tickets here. because nothing says raw like cocktail dresses and human statuettes.

Pizza Night at Archestratus Books, Greenpoint.

Olympics Viewing Party and Photography Exhibit, Brooklyn Museum, Prospect Heights. 

if you haven’t taken the opportunity to tune out all of this political bullshit and celebrate america and watch the olympics, there is hope for you not. and you are a curmudgeon. for everyone else, come watch the olympics in a rad sculpture garden and then be moved by the photography exhibit Who Shot Sports, a collection of prolific photos from the olympics, 1843-present. 8-10pm, free, 200 eastern parkway. info here.

FRIDAY

Out for Drinks with Orr Shtuhl at Archestratus, Greenpoint. 

i remember my first beer. and have a feeling that i will remember the one i have friday night, at archestratus, but i gotta be honest- i’ve forgotten a hell of a lot of the ones in between. make and share some memories at everyone’s favorite bookstore in NoGreePo. Orr Stuhl shares his love of beers, brewing, and the persistance of memory- and how alcohol inevitably affects it. $14 includes a beer, all info here, 7pm at archestratus books, 160 huron st. 

End of Summer Party, Bushwick Public House, Bushwick. 

it’s mid-august in brooklyn, not september in ibiza. there is absolutely no need to promote everything as if it’s the last weekend and we’re never going to see sunlight or bare knees again. however, that does not mean we should hesitate to celebrate sunlight and bare knees. and do so with all of our closest friends and a slew of impressive fucking djs (DJs Simon Sez, Ella Hu$$le, Reez, and Beazy Hype) at the bushwick public house, for free, on friday night. 1288 myrtle ave, the bushwick public house- they put the lick in public(k).

SATURDAY

LIC Block Party, Long Island City, Queens.

it’s so important that we support or neighbors to the north, and they make it mega easy with events like this. live music! interactive performances! arts and crafts to buy or make! artisanal foods! bespoke cocktails! hint: this is everything you like, and it’s for all ages! so you know… those friends of yours who you’ve shunned because they had babies can come. or keep shunning them. up to you. all info here, noon-5pm, purves st & 43 avenues. i’m going to this but between you and me, that street name gives me the willies.

Brooklyn Crab Festival at Mirrors, Williamsburg.

pinch me i must be dreaming! crabs in brooklyn? this photo says it all, but if you really need more of my words… well, that is rather shellfish. it’s crabs, and a good old fashioned cajun boil. there will be beers too. and other things to drink. here is a pulsd deal you should use and here is all the other info. 284 grand st at mirrors, where all your reflections are grand!

Bulletin Market Pop-Up, Williamsburg.

because all of our blacktops should be markets before they become something sad. be happy this weekend at the bulletin market in that sacred space on driggs, before its replaced by granite countertops and mundanity let’s not take it for granted. driggs and n. 8th st. check it out and rsvp here!

The Enchanted Realm of Rene Magritte, Governors Island.

because the only way to get inside his head seems to be to get outside your own, governor’s island brings us a uniquely immersive dive deep into the complex subconscious of rene magritte, surrealist visionary and artistic genius. or mad man. of which there is little difference, of course.  the exhibit runs through 25 sept but go now. $15 tickets and info here, at house 17, nolan park, governors island. one thing you won’t regret this weekend- magritte.

PS1 Summer Warm-Up, Long Island City.

This LIC summertime party institution also has a permanent residency on my weekend guide, from now through labor day. so i recommend checking the schedule and either choosing based on the tunes or your own availability (this is not a “oh i have a few hours, i’ll check it out” kind of affair. it will take all of your saturday and at least 3/4 of the mental space of your sunday. and it will all be worth it.) tickets here. i’m already heatin’ up.

oh and don’t forget to check out the tent of secrets, located in the back of the arboretum in the sculpture garden.

Chances with Wolves at Threes Brewing, Gowanus. 

this is the greatest dj duo in brooklyn, spinning at my new favorite brooklyn brewery. you must go. and you must dance. because you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take, especially if wolves are involved. 333 douglass st. 2-8pm. at threes brewing- i’ll try anything thrice.

 or, here are your other sunday options…

<3L.

THURSDAY

Brooklyn Screams for Ice Cream! Brookyn Historical Society, Brooklyn Heights.

Drunk Science Presents: Outerspace at Littlefield, Boerum Hill. 

David Byrne and other heads, talking… at Good Room, Greenpoint.

FRIDAY

Cruel Summer- 80s Dance Party at the Bell House, Gowanus.

the only thing cruel about summer is when it leaves us. so don’t let it leave us. go and revel in everything its about, 80s style- so make sure you donnasummer outfit. at the bell house. 149 7th st. and as they say- if your ears are ringing, you can find them at the bell house.  (and you should keep better track of your ears.)

Salchipapas VI at Archetratus, Greenpoint.

Campfire Fridays, Riis Park.

SATURDAY

Birre Ballz Happy Hourat Archestratus Books, Greenpoint.

Puppies ‘n Pints at the Knitting Factory, Williamsburg. 

PS1 Summer Warm-Up, Long Island City.

This LIC summertime party institution also has a permanent residency on my weekend guide, from now through labor day. so i recommend checking the schedule and either choosing based on the tunes or your own availability (this is not a “oh i have a few hours, i’ll check it out” kind of affair. it will take all of your saturday and at least 3/4 of the mental space of your sunday. and it will all be worth it.) tickets here. i’m already heatin’ up.

oh and don’t forget to check out the tent of secrets, located in the back of the arboretum in the sculpture garden.

Kickstarter Summer Festival! Fort Greene Park, which is in Fort Greene.

you’ll get a kick out of this. everyone’s favorite small business launch pad is holding a summer festival the only way that kickstarter could- with non-pokemon games, DIY arts + crafts, artsinal food booths, art installations and performances, creators, installators, innovators, alligators! oh and plenty of sunshine. 5-11pm free, fort greene park, myrtle ave and north portland st entrance. all info here.

Harry Potter Midniigh Release Party, Word Books, Greenpoint.

Techno Overboard- Good Room Boat Party, Greenpoint and onto the high seas!

 

RINSED Coke Yacht, Hells Kitchen and onto the high seas!

listen, don’t shoot the messenger. or, you know, pass judgements on the messenger’s extracurricular activities because of an event she’s reporting about. yes, i know what this event is called but that by no way means that there will be any illicit activities happening on said boat nor will i be aware of have anything to say on the subject otherwise. but what i (and you now) know is that rinsed throws the dopest underground parties in the city, and nothing is more underground than those that are floating on water. in a boat. with your friends and rad djs and an afterparty at a shitty club on the west side that we will all commandeer and sail that ship way way way way way into the sunrise. tickets, here, but they are going insanely fast i hear. so get yours and get there early because i hear there are going to be long lines.

The One Night Only Recurring Dance Party at McCarren Park Hotel Rooftop

SUNDAY

Dusty Rose Vintage Sidewalk Sale, Greenpoint.

Summer Camp Comedy, Alphabet City.

go forth, young brooklynites

and weekend.

<3L.