This Labor Day comes with a lot of questions. What is a holiday? Where did summer go? When can I see my friends? What the fuck is happening?

I can’t answer most of those questions. But what I can do is offer some advice to help us all feel better and make that reluctant transition from Summer to Fall a little less painful.

HEY, it’s a Labor Day Weekend Guide! Because whether any of us want to admit it or not, you missed these and I kind of did too.

See below for the best ways I’ve found to feel better, to feel summer, to stay safe, and to support local businesses in all the tastiest ways. It’s your summer and the city isn’t dead and neither are you. So let’s get out there.

Dive Into an NYC Pool

It’s ok, you can go to a public pool. Really, you can. I tested the waters (a few times) and I came out unscathed, and even a little more tan. Think of me as that penguin who gets pushed off into the ocean first to see if there’s a predator waiting to eat the rest of the bunch.
Actually, don’t think of me that way. 

The list of NYC public pools that are open right now can be found right here (my faves are Astoria Pool and K Pool in Bed-Stuy!) and here’s a reminder about this magical oasis in the middle of the East River. Masks are required on the pool deck but not in the water. Sun-penetrable masks can be purchased here to avoid that awkward face tan lines. JK I made that up. Just know you won’t be the only one.*

Hit the Beach, baby.

Will it be crowded? Of course it will be. Is this the first time that you can actually tell people to keep their distance from you and not feel like a total asshole? Yep. 

This is the end of fucking summer. Don’t let anything come between you and that sweet ocean breeze. Choose your beach (obvs there’s a guide for that). Get there as early as possible. Take your clothes off if you want. Don’t tell anyone I told you it was ok.*

Cookout at the Waterfront in Brooklyn Bridge Park

I know, you thought by now you’d finally have the apartment with that sweet sweet backyard and the grill and cookouts every weekend and tons of *socially distanced* friends. It’s ok that you don’t. It’s not ok that you don’t take advantage of the public grills that are available for you, all the time. Host your own cookout for you and your vagabond friends at the foot of Brooklyn Bridge Park, overlooking lower Manhattan and Lady Liberty herself. The grills and tables are first come, first serve, however, there’s a rule that you cannot occupy one grill for more than an hour, and people are usually incredibly generous. You’ll find a way in, and probably a way to double the size of your party and potato salad options. Link to the park is here. Nervous about the idea of “public grills” during a pandemic. STOP. Just stop. The virus isn’t fireproof. Jesus Christ, what were you thinking? Calm down.*

Have an American hot dog and drink an American whiskey at the Moonlight Mile

Here’s something you might not know. Moonlight Mile in Greenpoint has been doing free food with drinks way before Cuomo decided it was cool. For real. Gary’s cookouts on the corner there were one of those things that made Greenpoint so quaint- and also what made this my favorite bar in the hood. So go, get a beer, get a whiskey, get a hot dog, and feel like things are going to be ok.*

Those were the days, at Nowadays

I remember at some point thinking that the Nowadays backyard was a little too big- what if I get lost? What if I can’t find the bathroom? What if I wander off while waiting for my food truck order, never to be seen from or sharing a meal alongside again?

That “some point” was way before any idea of a pandemic was a thing. Now? Well now, I think it’s just the right size. This place feels like home in all of its natural wonder, and they have nightly events including film screenings, pandemic-safe dance parties, lawn games, food, friends, fun, safety. Let’s make sure we keep their doors open by spending plenty of time outdoors, all of the days, at Nowadays. Calendar here.* 

Or basically do the same thing, at a Rooftop Winery

Wine on a rooftop in the Navy Yard with corn hole and that dirty balls game (what’s the proper term for it?) plus fried chicken and after-hours films. This is why we live in New York, and thankfully, Devin’s business plan is somehow pandemic-proof, before that was even a thing. Reserve a spot now, and aim for a sunset slot. Just trust me.*

Have a Picnic in Transmitter Park

But buy your lunch from 21 Greenpoint. Why? Because they had their liquor license taken away indefinitely, that’s why. And that’s not fucking fair. And we all want them to survive. And also, they have a pretty damn good lunch menu. So show your support and let the government know that no matter how hard they try to force ridiculous restrictions upon small businesses and then make a really obnoxious production of shutting them down, we’re stronger than that.*

Or, be the fanciest person at any other picnic.

With this amazing Bento Box. Yeah, I mean, I didn’t think delivery could EVER look this good. Tell your friends to bring their 6-foot long chopsticks and share the magic. Hit up the Sneaky Spirit Social Club and order their new Szechuan Tincture (free delivery in Brooklyn!) and mix up some wild cocktails for your friends. Secure that invite to the next cool event over all of those bitches who show up with White Claw and hummus.*

*WEAR A DAMN MASK.

Let’s face it- we’re in a state of limbo… hoping that another ‘spike’ won’t happen but kind of knowing it will, feeling ourselves visualize the unreality that we now know happening again, seeing the next season of our lives shuddered… decidedly resisting the urge to impulse-buy puzzles.

I don’t know what to tell you. Hell, I don’t know what to tell me. But what I do know is that now is the time to try to somehow feel normal again- while taking all necessary precautions. WEAR A FUCKING MASK. Keep your distance. Wash your hands. But also, try to feel like it’s summertime and we all still live in the best city in the whole goddamn world. Let’s try to feel it, and feel it normally, while we still can.

I’ve found a few good ways. Come on, let’s do this.

Take a Walking Tour with your friends, in Brooklyn

That’s right. I do walking tours. Which means, choose your group, choose a neighborhood, and let me show you what’s so amazing about life in Brooklyn. My tours combine cocktails and local bites, stories and culture and new ways to fall in love with the city again. DM me for more info. Let’s walk around, together.

Book a Virtual Cocktail Class, with all of your friends

Because Zoom feels like it’s kind of drying up (or is it just me?) shake things up by inviting all your friends to make drinks, together! The Sneaky Spirit Social Club wants to come to your house and throw a virtual party with you and all your friends. Learn to make drinks. Stock your bar cart with hand-selected spirits. Feel better about getting drunk at home. Learn more here. Let’s get sneaky together.

See a Concert with City Winery, in Hudson!

Live music isn’t going to be happening in any capacity for a while. That’s why City Winery has swooped in with a new series at their upstate property, complete with concert pods. Yep, that means anywhere from 2-10 people will have their own little socially-distanced pod situated in an outdoor amphitheater, with an option to add “picnic boxes” complete with meats and cheeses and obviously wine. Check their schedule here (I’ll be seeing Chris Thile on 8/15!) 

Rooftop Films’ New Drive-In Theater

Because Skyline Drive-In in Greenpoint has recently caught some heat for being blatantly racially insensitive, and downright overpriced (however… this is New York… why is anyone surprised?) check out Rooftop Films’ new drive-in at the Army terminal. Your $45 price per car (stuff ‘em in!) includes extras like Q&A’s with Andy Samberg after seeing his new film Palm Springs. Get your tickets here.

Spend the Day in Red Hook

Brooklyn Crab and the amazing views at Louis Valentino Jr. Park want you to feel normal again. The two-tiered, always outdoor seated crab shack invites you to have a socially-distanced dinner al fresco, then get a cocktail to-go and admire the unparalleled views from the park down the street. Take a long stroll up toward Brooklyn Bridge Park when you’re done and fall back in love with the city.

Culture Lab LIC

Live outdoor concerts in their parking lot (some even emceed by Michael Che!) that they announce the day-of. Check-in with their Instagram account, wear a mask, bring a blanket, get yourself some culture that isn’t on a screen.

Look but don’t touch at House of Yes

Because you’ve missed the element of unexpected that you can only experience at House of Yes, While we still can’t return to sweaty dance parties and in-your-face performances, they are doing the best they can to bring you that wildness within current restrictions. Book a table for dinner and drinks and expect plenty of seductive surprises, just… stay in your seat. Also, check out their outdoor market that will allow you to browse tons of amazing artisan goods that could have only gotten better during quarantine (right?) Info here.

Turn your Dinner Parties into Picnics

Yeah. Dinner parties are kind of a thing of the past for now, but here’s your chance to really improve your picnic skills. Impress your friends with a charcuterie and cheese board with wine pairing from & Sons Buttery, a Sommelier-owned ham bar and (now) market that has the finest selection of domestic hams and cheeses that will make you forget all about that-time-in-Spain, and instead replace it with a dreamy little picnic in Prospect Park. Or you know, do it with Mekelburg’s and Domino, or the new Azure Market and Transmitter. Or Smorgasburg (order ahead of time!) and the waterfront at North 6th St. Choose your own adventure, and invite your friends. Because dinner parties were getting stuffy anyway.

Spend a Day at the Beach

Like, a full day. Because it’s the best way to spend time with friends with virtually no restrictions. (I mean, if you’re sitting closer than 6 feet to a stranger at the beach, something’s wrong with you) Pack a lunch, grab some White Claws (and have no shame about this), and head out to any of the miles of coastline this city has to offer within about 1.5 hours of anywhere you are. And if you really want an uninhibited experience, check out this piece I wrote about letting it all hang out at Fort Tilden. See you out there

Roosevelt Island Pool, with grills!

Camp out as this candyland of an island paradise, all day. This virtually unknown pool in the middle of Roosevelt Island will have you sun-drenched and nestled between the world’s most infamous skyline and that cool place where you live (Brooklyn), swimming and sipping (they don’t allow you to bring alcohol. It is not hard to bring alcohol.) and even hosting your own intimate cookout. They have two grills and a communal fridge so you can heat those meats only when you’re ready to. Also, there’s almost nothing else to do on the island (ok, ok, the smallpox hospital facade is… there.) so you won’t blink an eye at the $40/$65 (week/weekend) cost of entry. For real, don’t. Just go. Info here.

Rediscover Governor’s Island

Use this amazing guide and spend the day at Governor’s Island. There’s food, breweries, bike trails, amazing views of the city, a wondrous place called Slide Hill, and camping (but sign up QUICK). It’s an amazing way to get out of the city with just a quick little jaunt on the ferry (but reserve your tickets first!)

Today is Juneteenth – a celebration for the Black community that commemorates the same day in 1865 when Union General Gordon arrived in Texas to announce that slavery had been abolished. And tomorrow is our future. What can we do today to learn, commemorate, celebrate, and move forward together? I’ve pulled together a list of events to help us participate and acknowledge that this day should have been celebrated by everyone a long time ago.

Use this list but for EVERYTHING else, follow @justiceforgeorgenyc including meditations, 5k runs, bike rides, vigils, drum circles, public forums, rallies with art, rallies with musical instruments, and so many other creative and important ways to celebrate and participate.

Learn 

Read this or listen here to the Daily’s very informative podcast.

And this A free and accessible starting point from Dr. Angela Davis

Take a bike ride down to Green-Wood Cemetery. Pack a picnic. Feel the rich history that so many black people have given to our city and country, like Jean-Michel Basquiat, and feel the importance of the Civil War victory, Juneteenth, and how far we still have to come for racial justice. Plus, this intensely moving mural will remind us that even as we enter Phase 2, the virus is still very much a reality. Wear a mask, folks!

March

Activist Valerie Walker is leading the Break The Chains With Love March from Jane’s Carousel on the waterfront. After crossing the Brooklyn Bridge, it’ll stop at the African Burial Ground before continuing to City Hall for a rally and celebration.

Walk or bike in this Freedom Ride through Bed-Stuy to The Southern Comfort to show your support and get a little good-for-the-Soul food too. 

Use These Neighborhood Protest Resources

Bushwick – @assemblywomandavila. At Maria Hernandez Park and Bushwick Daily for daily protest updates.

Greenpoint – @greenpointers for info on vigil’s at McCarren Park and where to head from there.

Williamsburg – @yeswilliamsburg nightly marches leaving from McCarren.

Jamaica, Queens – at Council Member Adrienne Adam’s Office

For everything else, follow @justiceforgeorgenyc

Or use this full map of Protests for George Floyd, worldwide.

Celebrate Virtually

Tune into this virtual Juneteenth event by the Schomberg Center for Research in Black Culture featuring the founder of the Texas Freedom Colonies Project, Chefs Therese Nelson and Carla Hall, and music from Rootstock Republic.

The BRIC’s Juneteenth: Then and Now, a virtual town hall features artists, journalists, activists, and politicians to help us learn from the past and create a better future, together.

Tonight with Carnegie Hall, a celebration of Juneteenth with performers and speakers. Tune in from 7:30-8:30pm right here. 

Plus tune into this amazing concert Friday with pianist Nnenna Ogwo returns with her ever-brilliant collaborators, Sterling Strings from with Joe’s Pub starting at 7pm tonight!

And with the Public Theater here.

And Nowadays with four hours of Underground Resistance in honor of Juneteenth. Tune in now here.

Give

Last Summer I was lucky enough to see the Public Theater’s version of Much Ado About Nothing with an all-black cast, interpreting this Shakespearean comedy into a very modern reality. The Public Theater continues to support and expose the reality of racial injustices. Follow their lead by supporting them and these amazing organizations.

And celebrate our victories during this movement-  GLITS, an organization that successfully raised over $1 million last week to set up permanent housing for Black trans people. Let’s continue to support them in their future endeavors while also recognizing the need to support additional missions such as Princess Janae Place who works to help people of trans experience maximize their full potential as they transition from homelessness to independent living.

And this very good message from the good people at Good Room: This Friday, June 19th, to commemorate Juneteenth, Bandcamp will be donating their share to the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, a national organization that has a long history of effectively enacting racial justice and change through litigation, advocacy, and public education. Head to Good Room’s Bandcamp page to pick up tees, slipmats, totes, and our ‘Alone Together’ Relief Comp, with all proceeds from these sales going to support the club while we’re closed.

Stylist Anthony Payne wants to make you look and feel better.

Because we’re all gettin’ realllll scraggly, local hair magician Anthony Payne has moved his salon beneath the Williamsburg Bridge until we reach whatever phase allows us to get haircuts again… so support this amazing artist and entrepreneur and look better while doing it. Oh, and, he’s donating 100% of your donation-based payment to Black Lives Matter. Look better, feel better, do better. Then go march. Info here.

Celebrate with Dinner and a Movie, with this amazing list of black-owned restaurants and movies that celebrate black history, from the Infatuation.

And this Sunday, CALL YOUR DAD and tell him you love him. Most of us can’t be with our Father’s this Father’s Day, so I’ll plan to celebrate by doing things my Dad likes to do- having a vodka tonic (or two), picking up fresh seafood from Greenpoint Fish, hanging out by the water in Transmitter Park and stealing money from my friends while playing dice.

Brooklyn, I can’t wait to be dancing and sweating underneath a disco ball with you sometime in the near future.

But until then, here are some things we can do to stop feeling quite so alone, together.

Party From Home

I mean this is kind of the best kind of weekend partying… You can commit to a number of plans, and then do them all a little bit while not wearing pants, and then just fall right into bed without having to decide whether or not you deserve to take an Uber home. And best of all, most of these parties are actually benefitting some group or business, so #revelwithacause all weekend. Get to it.

Or, From a Car! Because There’s a drive-in movie theater in GREENPOINT.

That’s right folks. Before they cover our waterfront with luxury apartment skyscrapers, they’re giving a little slice of that precious land to us. The clever people with Skyline Drive NYC want you to watch films with that iconic skyline in the background, but what they don’t tell you on their website is that you’ll be sitting and watching in the best goddamn neighborhood in the city. So come early, get a cocktail from Citroen, and then post up.

Mister Sunday Wants to Come Over

Starting this Sunday, Mister Sunday will be broadcasted from Nowadays Yeah, I know… it doesn’t feel like summer if we can’t dance and drink and sweat with all of our friends right up against us. And, you know… this whole beach thing. But Nowadays is going to help us feel it as much as possible starting this weekend. They’ll be broadcasting Mister Sunday weekly, so tune in Sunday and make your Memorial Day Weekend feel a little more real.

A Bar Near Me, a fundraiser for your favorite neighborhood spots.

Nothing feels worse than your favorite little local spot closing down (this was pre-COVID, fyi…) but nothing feels better than seeing how they are evolving to support other local businesses who are suffering immensely during this pandemic. Support them supporting us and supporting our fair city through this, through @abarnearme . They’ll be hosting virtual events to make sure there will be doors to open up once we “open back up” Follow along here, and keep an eye out for their next burger pop-up… they sell out fast.

Ron Like Hell with the Good Room and Wrecked NYC

All this restriction makes me want to run like hell… but make staying put more fun this Friday with Ron Like Hell. They’ll be streaming live to help support the good people at the Good Room, so zoom on in and #revelwithacause right here. And buy some amazing tunes and swag too, here. Because showing your support looks good on you, baby. 

Zoom Burlesque with the Love Room NYC

Your living room never looked sexier. Well, I mean, except for that one time… you know what time. Let’s bring it all back and invite The Love Room into your living room and get a little nasty but feel good about being bad. They’re dancing in support of their absolutely lovely project, so let them in. Let’s dance better and feel better. Info here. #spreadloveitsthebrooklynway

Adult Dino Trivia with Atlas Obscura

Because being a nerd for dinosaurs might not have been cool when you were growing up, but now it’s (kind of) cool, thanks to the good people at Atlas Obscura. They’ll be hosting a Dino trivia drinking game zoom so put on those weird footie pjs you still have and pour yourself some Dino punch and impress some people, you little triceratops you. Info here. 

Get Cultured

There is more available at our fingertips right now than ever before, and I don’t mean whatever stockpile of filtered images influencers have scheduled to roll out to you this month. Check out my favorites below and learn something while you’re “stuck inside”.

Get Backstage (in your apartment) with a Magician

Trust me when I say this- there will come a time when you will want to impress your friends again. And a damn good way to impress them every time is with a good magic trick. Go backstage with a magician this weekend with this amazing virtual magic lesson from Atlas Obscura. There might not be anything up your sleeves right now but some residual hand sanitizer, but make sure there’s more there when this is all over. Sign up for a time slot here. 

To Be, or Not to Be, NYC?

If there’s no Shakespeare in the Park does summer even happen in New York? This Is unfortunately a painful question we must all face. But let’s do it all together with the amazing theater the Public Theater is still providing. This Monday they’ll be hosting a virtual performance with a dance party afterward to make us all feel like we’re packed into that replica of the Globe theater, sweating together and fanning ourselves with our programs while we drink plastic cups of rose (man I miss that). Check it out here.

Get Bent, Creatively

You know you’ve been Marie Kondo-ing the hell out of your apartment, and as such likely have a few wire hangers to spare. Make something useful out of them with this amazing video from artist Gego, who was part of the MoMA’ s exhibit Sur Moderno. Why? Because even a completed puzzle won’t look this cool.

At-Home Chef

Put some Koji-Infused Cuisine on the table tonight

Because let’s be honest… you have cooked everything else. Everything. Else. What is Koji? It’s a refined rapid fermentation process used in Japanese cooking which has been perfected by Chefs Jeremy Umansky and Rich Shih using a koji microbe… this microbe has the power to transform pantry staples into umami marvels, and will solve the problem you’ve been having when you try a very ambitious recipe. Tune in Sunday at 8pm, and sign in here first (the second tier level gets you a copy of their book too!) and then brag to your friends that you’re doing cooler fermentation things than they are. 

Build a Box with Rooftop Reds

Your favorite rooftop winery is now the greatest little market in the Navy Yard (that’s right Wegman’s, I said it) Rooftop Wines has evolved to become a one-stop shop for so many local favorites and farmy finds. Each week they add even more options to choose from (craft cheeses! syrups! oh my!) so choose your box wisely and feel good about supporting this and so many businesses. Then make something fantastic out of it.

Martha Stewart wants to Wine and Dine You

SHE STILL WENT TO PRISON. Which makes me respect her wine picks way, way more. Because what do you think she was thinking about while she was in there? Probably all of the good wines she wanted to get white-girl wasted off of. So choose a fancy little recipe from NY Times Cooking and order some of this former-convict selected wines and have yourself an evening.

Get a Move On

Because “shelter in place” doesn’t mean being completely stagnant. You can responsibly keep yourself moving in some very creative ways.

Let’s have some Good Times, Brooklyn

Daily yoga from your favorite little Williamsburg studio that will help you shape up and be a little less rigid during this time of boundaries and rules and limitations. Proceeds go to support their amazing staff, so feel good while you have a good time. Schedule here. 

Yoga + Meditation with New Love City

Get your mind off of things and your body into things this weekend with meditation and yoga. Because we’re never going to get through this without going nuts and gaining the COVID 19 if we don’t try, with intention. Follow along here for the schedule and let’s make ourselves better.

Pilatesbklyn Wants to Help you Shape Up

Let’s all lengthen and strengthen our quarantine bodies so that we can all look good while looking longingly at the beach this summer. Pilates Brooklyn is offering free sessions this weekend to make you look and feel better. Choose a class and tune in via the link in their Instagram here. 

Support Your Neighborhood Spots

Let’s face it- the city will not be the same when we get out of this mess. And in order to help preserve it and make sure we all survive, support @neighborhoodspot in their mission to support small businesses who are shut down at the moment, and look damn good doing it. Buy their merchandise here and feel good repping your ‘hood, in your ‘hood. And then don’t feel like a dork if you wear said schwag to that same restaurant when they reopen- concert tee rules do not apply during a pandemic.

Beer and Pizza with Barano + Domino Park

Make those socially-distanced circles into a very intimate party this weekend with Barano’s new midday beer + pizza deal. Every day, 2-5pm, you can get a hot gonna slice and any beer on tap for $9. Then grab your quarantine buddy and claim your circle at the park and make everyone noticeably jealous of your late lunch decision. Keep up with all of their amazing specials right here

Come have Brunch with Me!

Say whaaat? Yeah, you know I hate brunch. But what I do like is that during this time of social distancing, I get to spend a few hours in a charming little window on Manhattan Avenue and make people happy. And I’ll be doing just that this Saturday. Come, get a Bloody Mary. Get an Aperol Spritz. Get a damn delicious burger, or some carbonara. Get whatever the hell you want, just come keep me company! I’ll make you happy!

Show Your Support

One of the most important ways we can spend our time and hard-earned government paychecks is by funneling that money back into our communities and supporting local businesses. Don’t let them shudder once we all decide to “open back up”.

Buy a Mask, Feed someone in Need

I hate it that people cannot see me smile. But until they can, let our mouths say something about us- like, “I really care about this local business and I want them to survive all of this,” and also, “My mouth just fed some other mouths!” Relix Marketplace is making these amazing masks to help local businesses and food banks. Browse the collection here and keep smiling under there.

Buy Art that Feeds People

Make your home renovations mean something by adding some fresh art to those walls, art that says “I love my community” and “I also give a damn.” Local artist @stevewasterval is selling prints of (mostly) Greenpoint scenes and with the sale of each print, one meal is donated to the North Brooklyn Angels. Order through his instagram and let’s make North Brooklyn (and our walls) a better place.

Help Seniors through Umbrella

We all too often ignore the most valuable members of our society, the seniors that contain within them so much history and wisdom that may go unseen and unheard. And now they’re suffering at disproportionate numbers. Show them that you care by volunteering to help a senior through Umbrella. Even simple tasks can be impossible to execute when you’re trapped in a high-risk nursing home, or simply unable to get out because of fear. Sign up here and show them you haven’t forgotten.

Feed Your Community

Because you’re never going to eat those Vienna sausages. You aren’t. And you’ll be embarrassed if anyone sees them in your cabinet and therefore assumes this is a snack you consume often. Donate your unwanted food and new food you buy at the supermarket just for this cause and that money that you’re still getting either from your employer or Donald J Trump himself (i.e. your own tax money) to local food banks. They desperately need help. Learn more here. 

Hey Brooklyn. We’re going to be ok (I think). Just in case, let’s hedge our bets by doing all of the things I’ve chosen for you to do to keep you sane, this weekend and indefinitely. Check out my weekend picks below, and click here for my ongoing list of how to party, get fit, stay cultured, and show your support, all week long.

Party at Home

I mean this is kind of the best kind of weekend partying… You can commit to a number of plans, and then do them all a little bit while not wearing pants, and then just fall right into bed without having to decide whether or not you deserve to take an Uber home. And best of all, most of these parties are actually benefitting some group or business, so #revelwithacause all weekend. Get to it.

Don’t Try This At Home

But do tune into Secret Loft’s weekly live stream that features an amazing (and usually neon) aerial artist and an in-house DJ that will be a hell of a lot cooler than waiting for weird people with stiff dance moves to pop up on the main screen. They’re streaming on Saturdays right here.

There’s a drive-in movie theater in Astoria.

Because, of course there is. That one neighborhood that you always talk about checking out but when it comes down to it, you have no clue what’s really going on there. Well, what’s going on is that they have larger parking lots than almost anywhere in the city, and one of such lots has been transformed into a drive-in theater. These events don’t happen on weekends,  but you need to tune in and sign up now, and then find a car, quick.

Get Cultured.

There is more available at our fingertips right now than ever before, and I don’t mean whatever stockpile of filtered images influencers have scheduled to roll out to you this month. Check out my favorites below and learn something while you’re “stuck inside”.

Konichiwa, Japan

If we can’t travel, we might as well dream up of all of the vacation plans we might have made and also the cultural hugs we may have received during such trips. So order sushi from your favorite neighborhood spot (don’t forget the sake) and give yourself a virtual tour of this museum and then tell all your friends how truly Japanese you are. (I really think so). Info here, and FYI Kana Hashi in Greenpoint is my pick for sushi!

Frieze Art Fair is Virtually Happening, today!

All the art without the pretension! I gotta be honest- if it wasn’t for the steep entry price and my truly debilitating lack of choosing any outfit that seems worthy of such an art fair, I would have gone to Frieze every single year. But now that it’s available virtually and I can wear literally anything and still feel cool and I can linger around any piece of artwork without being “ahem-ed!” ahead? Well count me in, baby. Frieze is coming to your house and today is that last day. Tune in here.

Beat the Shit out of Coronavirus

Listen to me- you have time. You have time to do the things you never thought you’d have time to do. And here’s one you likely didn’t think about- making a papier-mâché coronavirus and then beating the shit out of it. If you have kids, fill it with candies. If you don’t, little boozy treats will do. Just make yourself feel better by having something to take it out on. Start here.

Shape Up or Ship Out

Because “shelter in place” doesn’t mean being completely stagnant. You can responsibly keep yourself moving in some very creative ways.

Get Down(ward) Locally, Yo!

Listen, we’re all in the same boat- picturing some sort of physical transformation when this all started and knowing that the answer lies in some sort of app. And then, of course, given that we are confined to individual shoe boxes the inspiration wanes and we are left throwing our scales onto the sidewalk (I saw someone do this on Kent Street, today) and just hoping that no one will notice that we’ve gained weight. There’s a better way to go about this, one that makes us all feel less isolated and more confident in our ability to move forward. And it’s right here– with local NYC Yoga classes. Show your support and do something better for your body.

Beam me up, Scotty!

Human Dominos, at Domino Park!

Yep. The park has been littered with individual social-distanced circles, which means, you and yours* can go and sit within designated circles, all 6-feet apart from the other circles. And what will you do in these circles? Here are a few ideas- really, really tight duck-duck-goose; an intimate and likely cacophonous drum circle; double dutch that still won’t work, no matter how badly you want it to; re-enacting that scene from A Little Princess; exactly one round of leapfrog. Anyway, a lot of creativity comes from having restrictions, so tell me, what will you do in your circle? I have a 6-ft tin can phone- so, tell me from the circle behind you. (Hey.)

*quarantine partners

Streets for Humans, coming to your Neighborhood.

Weigh in on this fight online regarding closing streets to car traffic, and then recognize that resistance is futile no matter how many times this guy refers to Greenpoint residents as “mid-western fucks” and then, get out and do that thing where you act like you’re in a car when you’re drunk and only the drive-thru is open… because we can all just walk freely on the (selected) streets now folks. Let your neighborhood feel like a park and let’s all gallop gleefully through the streets because who knows how long this will last. (For real… no one knows)

Explore Brooklyn by Bike!

It’s going to be gorgeous this weekend, and while joggers have come under fire recently, biking is the best way to cover more ground, responsibly, and to see so much more of the borough! The lovely Jacqueline VanDusen via @brooklynbybike has explored (nearly) every single block in Brooklyn by bike. Check out her recommendations for awesome rides here. I’ll see you out there! Especially once streets are closed to cars come may!

Show your Support

Eat Nachos and Support Local Restaurants with Bill Murray and Shaq

There are a lot of ways you can show the restaurants we know and love and that truly make this city what it is- but one super cool way is bringing both Bill Murray and Shaq into Greenpoint TONIGHT to consume a rather ungodly amount of nachos. And if you want to somehow be a part of it, you will simply have to eat a fuck ton of nachos at home, donate to this incredibly worthy cause, and then try to spot bill and Shaq looming around the ‘hood… which, can’t be that hard, right? All the info you can get is right here, but also donate here.

Oxomoco is OPEN.

Yeah. And just when you already thought TACO TUESDAY should maybe stop being lifted by time restrictions, they just came out of nowhere and said, yeah, you right homey. Taco Tuesday can be any day and you don’t have to feel bad about it because they have a Michelin Star that says there’s absolutely nothing bad happening here. Order pronto, things sell out.

Go Get Brunch (and I never say that)

Brunch is no longer (that) annoying because instead of bothering restaurant workers, you’re simply picking up and taking that two-eggs-any-style and 4 different beverage option order straight back into your home, where you have at least two eggs and a frying pan and almost all of the beverage options a human could want. So instead of annoyingly patronizing your favorite brunch spots, supportingly patronize them this Saturday and Sunday and tip them very generously because they have been hungover and had to deal with your hungover ass with a smile. My top picks are Anella, Le Fanfare, and Cafe Alula (good god, that egg sandwich…) but just take a stroll and see who’s around, wanting to feed you. 

There is nothing I want more than to share a drink with you, Brooklyn. But until we can, let me share all of the best ways that we can be alone, together, and feel connected until we can see each other on the other side, soon.

Party From Home

I mean this is kind of the best kind of weekend partying… You can commit to a number of plans, and then do them all a little bit while not wearing pants, and then just fall right into bed without having to decide whether or not you deserve to take an Uber home.

This Weekend

Get Wet, Bathhouse-Style.

Because it may be a while until we can immerse ourselves into this sensual palace in Williamsburg, recreate the energy and experience at home. Bathhouse has posted a few great scrub recipes (including one that helps you get rid of old bananas in a much healthier way than making banana bread) and offers you a seductive playlist to accompany your steamy bath session. Drag your quarantine buddy in with you, or go solo. Bring a cocktail. Immerse yourself and escape from whatever real life is now.

Have a Tea Party with the Bunker

It’s a virtual tea dance, which means your ’tea’ can really be anything, and your dancing will be whatever you feel goes along with Justin Cudmore and Mike Swells’s sweet sweet beats. Tune in from 3-9pm this Saturday night (you’re going to be brewing lots of tea here) and jam out.

Let the Lot Radio make your Zoom party a Lot cooler.

Because they’re bringing you live sets from local favorites and friends from around the world, so whatever is buzzing in the background of your screen will help mask those awkward silences and let you test your new dance moves in front of a much smaller, and semi-captive, audience. Tune in here. 

Pleasure Jams 5 is this Friday night!

Give yourself the pleasure this Friday night of partying, digitally, with Pleasure Jams. This local DJ collective is guaranteed to make your living room look cool, and will make you into a disco queen… even in your jammies. Jam out this Friday to benefit the amazing staff at C’Mon Everybody, so tune in here at 9pm and #revelwithacause.

Home Brewed 003 with Black Coffee

This is how you like your coffee from now on- a live stream from world-famous DJ @realblackcoffee is happening this Saturday night. So tune in, fill your mug with something a little more sensual than your morning brew, and #revelwithacause to help support @SAveabusiness, a non-profit working to save small businesses in South Africa.

Ongoing

Nowadays has live streaming DJs nightly starting at 8pm!

Yep. Every night, it’s virtually Nowadays. Tune in while you’re cooking, while you’re “working”, while you’re getting frisky or doing whatever else you’re doing over there. And dance like no one’s watching because… no one is, except maybe the cat.

Saturday Night Virtual Dance Parties with House of Yes

There are rules for this virtual dance party, and they are rules that you’ll want to follow. You must wear a costume. You must be moving (and not lurking). You must keep the lights up enough to be seen. And pretty much annnnything else goes. Need proof? They got in big trouble with Twitch two weeks ago. So cure that kinky itch of yours and RSVP then tune in at 8pm, every Saturday.

Or, bring your favorite club into your house…

House of Yes IGTV is coming at you nightly, so learn to twerk in the comfort of your own home, get into some amateur burlesque, or see whatever else they dream up. Tune in for all of the weird, wild, and wonderful that you’ve been missing, and thankfully, without that creepy bathroom with all the bugs crawling all over the walls. Info here!

Go on a Neighborhood Bar Crawl, from a safe distance!

Local bars need your support now more than ever. After a string of break-in attempts on Franklin Street this week, BiT favorites Brooklyn Safehouse and Brokenland were both victims of vandalism and robbery this week. So go let these wonderful establishments know you’re there for them. A few other neighborhood favorites that have been victim to the patronage of this #sidewalkregular include Brew Inn, 21 Greenpoint, and Diamond Lil. Air cheers, to you.

At-Home Chef

We have all been cooking. A lot. And there is nothing more lovely than exploring a new recipe and sharing it with loved ones, or even the roommates that you really pissed off earlier and this is the only way you can think of to say “I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m losing it.” Here are a few of my pics. Get cookin’, good lookin’.

This Weekend

Clean Out Your Pantry, for dinner!

Need some recipe information but want to avoid going to the grocery store? Send a picture of your pantry to the amazing team with @chefanienass and they’ll design a meal for you. (How fucking cool is that?) You’ll be surprised how much you can do with… (gets up, checks cupboard) Sea Crunchies, cannellini beans, steel-cut oats, chicken stock, and crushed tomatoes! (At least, I hope to be!) Come on, give them a challenge.

Bring Italy into your Home with Opera in the Kitchen

Sign up for an Italian cooking class, live streaming from Chianti! Opera in the Kitchen is one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever been a part of, and taught me so much more about Italian cooking. Plus, they were just selected as one of the top 50 Airbnb Experiences in the world and the top 6 in Italy to be available online to help you get through the quarantine. Open your kitchen up to all of the beauty of Italy, virtually. Sign up here, and then bring your own opera by singing into the spatula (you know how to do it…)

ACME’s Fish Fridays are still happening!

and now you’re actually able to participate! Order online here and then pick-up curbside at 30 Gem Street. Then, cook up something funky using these smoked fish recipes I’ve procured, just for you, my fishy little friend.

Ongoing

Learn (almost) all of Ovenly’s Secrets

Local favorites Ovenly are sharing some of their unbelievable secret recipes via IGTV daily, so tune in and try your hand at their famous Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies, their Blackout Cake, and (maybe soon?) their Hot Chocolate Cookies. Say thanks by contributing to their employee GoFundMe and let’s keep this amazing bakeshop going.

Milk Bar Baking Hour with Christina Tosi, daily!

Of all the skills I want to have “when this is all over”, top of the list is the ability to make birthday cakes like @ChristinaTosi because that will inevitably lead to more birthday party invites. To do so, I’ve been tuning into her daily baking classes (ok, well, some of them…) and you should too. Then we can both bake cakes together and go to all the parties.

Get On the Sourdough Train.

Yep. Everybody’s doing it. I picked up a sourdough starter from the stoop of a friendly neighbor and I’m happy to share! Let’s show this precarious yeast shortage who’s boss, and try to learn the secrets of our pizza heroes. Just holler at me if you want some, let’s start something together.

Get Cultured.

fjdsldfs

Get the Director’s take on Muppets Take Manhattan

Watch Muppets Take Manhattan and then join the Museum of the Moving Image’s Jim Henson curator Dave Goelz in discussion with the film’s director Frank Oz about the challenges and charms of bringing the muppets to the city. This will brighten your day, and will have you singing ”Together Again” again, with an entirely deeper meaning. RSVP here to join Saturday at 7pm.

Snap out of your Creative Rut with Rupi Kaur

She’s hosting a live poetry workshop this Saturday at 12pm via Instagram Live. So tune in with a pen and paper in hand, and discover jsut how powerful a few select words can be, as poetry.

Paint Classes through Happy Creative Dig

My favorite little creativity nook is taking their coveted wine paint nights online, for free! Learn to paint alongside a bunch of strangers, virtually, who won’t judge you for refilling your wine glass every time you clean your brush. This Sunday’s lesson hasn’t been revealed yet, but trust it’s some beautiful setting in Europe that you’d rather be in right now, and will feature a cameo from Pepper the cat. Sign up and see the full schedule here, and choose from general admission (free!) to painter package (have supplies mailed to you!) or ‘Taste of the World’ which includes an assorted food box. Cheers, future painters! or just drinkers with paint-covered hands!

Live, Local Comedy this Weekend!

There is so much good local comedy that you can access from home right now while supporting local artists too. Find some via the Brooklyn Comedy Collective this weekend and have a laugh. We all need it. 

Ongoing

Decameron, Daily- Streaming Stories from an empty Italian Museum

As a response to the country-wide lockdown in Italy, Triennale Milano (an amazing design-focused museum in Milan) started a moving Instagram Live event series called Decameron: streaming stories that invites artists, designers, architects, intellectuals and other creatives to enter the empty museum and “develop a personal story”. If you’re over hearing Cuomo say the word “ventilator” or using metaphors about grinding gears, change up your 11am tune-in to this one. Livestream daily here, through April 30th.

Be a Peeping Tom.

There’s something about the 7pm clap that gives us these little peeks into the lives of our neighbors, through their windows. Local photographer @johnnycirillo has been capturing that magic through this NYC Quarantine portrait series. Scroll through to find someone you likely know, and send him a DM to be captured during your intimately noticeable moments.

Help Dr. Fauci Get Revenge

I’ve never been a gamer, but I have always been one to #revelwithacause and to seek entertaining ways to do philanthropic work. And this, my friends, is a great one. Fauci’s Revenge is a videogame from Brooklyn’s Beat the Bomb team and is a part of the #BeattheVirus campaign to raise $25,000 for NYC Hospitals and first responders, and it’s darkly hilarious. Play now and show your support.

Read more. A lot more.

The New York Public Library has over 300,000 titles available for free download! Become an expert on anything or just really enjoy that reading nook in your apartment that you never use. (Hint: Anything is a reading nook if you read in it). Plus, they’re teaming up with WNYC to make a virtual book club, so now you get books AND friends. Start here.

The New Museum, home delivery!

Sign up for daily content and virtual tours to feed your creative energy and get yourself out of that foggy quagmire. 

Curious? That’s Natural, baby.

Check out the archived photos from the Museum of Natural History because we’re all a little bored of staring at our house pets. Big cats are better. Check out some amazing images of how they put together the dinos (I like to imagine while singing “the leg Bone’s connected to the… HIP BONE!”) and all of those spooky dioramas. Seriously, check them out here. 

Watch old Broadway shows via the Museum of the City of New York. 

Well HELLLOOO Dolly! (I have no idea if that’s part of the play at all… but, I’m about to find out.) The MCNY now has a TON of amazing cultural interests from our city’s history available online, like hundreds of Broadway plays! So stop mindlessly scrolling through Netflix. Watch these instead.

Watch this New York City Documentary on Amazon

Don’t we realize that this city is the reason why most of us are here? Our families, our heritage, our curiosity was all, likely. led to the promise of New York. Our ancestors fought to get here and to make moves here and so many of us have returned to find ourselves here. Don’t let that be lost. Watch this amazing Ric Burns series. Find your heritage here and ask your parents to connect with your eldest living relatives. Let’s carry on the torch. 

Tell Spotify You Have Other Plans.

Because the Met Opera is bringing Opera into your home, every day. Opera everyday via @MetOpera, So tune in and feel cultured, without even dressing up. Different performances nightly, but I guarantee you’ll like them each better than the Pirates of Penzance.

Atlas Obscura’s Wonder From Home

All the best ways to get lost and feel better on the internet are waiting for you right here via Atlas Obscura. Because mindlessly scrolling never really led anyone to where they wanted to be anyway, here’s the anti-Instagram black hole.

Show Your (local!) Support

One of the most important ways we can spend our time and hard-earned government paychecks is by funneling that money back into our communities and supporting local businesses. Don’t let them shudder once we all decide to “open back up”.

Makeup for Lost Time with Zoe’s Beauty

There is no better way to show your support for small businesses than in a way that makes you look, and feel, better. Personally, I think it’s extremely important to make sure our eyes our expressive when they are the only part of our face we can share with the outside world. Our eyes need to say both,“Hi! How are you! I love you! Stay safe!” to everyone we pass, and also, “daaaamn right you can’t wait to see what I’m hiding beneath this hazmat suit” to a select few. The best way to make your eyes talk, your face glow, and your heart feel better for supporting this amazing place is by placing an order (DM them here!) and then picking up, curbside, on Fridays. Orders of $50+ qualify for free shipping. Let’s makeup for lost time, together.

Gumbo + Beer, at Greenpoint Beer and Ale

Greenpoint Beer’s weekly weekend meals are really the only thing that reminds me what day it is. Their local-brewery open-air beer market wants to serve you up some deep southern charm this weekend with a seafood gumbo, plus rice and cornbread. Order yours ahead of time and pick it up, with some beers, Saturday and Sunday!

Tend Greenpoint Pick-Up!

Because bringing a little life into your home while in isolation lifts everyone’s spirits. Check out their selection via Instagram and call in an order to pick up!

Step Up your Virtual Cocktail Parties with St. Agrestis + Greenhook Gin Negronis, plus hand sanitizer!

As if I couldn’t love these two distilleries and the magic they make together when stirred in a glass, Greenhook has been donating hand sanitizer to our local sanitation workers, who are ALSO on the front lines but too often forgotten about. Their spirits are available for curbside pick-up or local delivery, get a little tipsy and stay clean while you do it.

Help the businesses that are Helping the Helpers

There are so many AMAZING businesses that are using their resources (supplies, workers, time) to prepare food to donate to essential workers. Which is just about the best reason I can think of to order food from any of the businesses on this list (offering free meals to families in need!) or through this project from the Taralucci family or this one from Jose Andres (although he won my heart as the moment I stepped foot into Mercado Little Spain). Plus, local favorites Pies ‘n Thighs, Van Leeuwen, Dar525, Eagle Trading, Vinnie’s, Bierocracy, Gertie, The Olmsted, and The Wheelhouse are all donating locally, to hospitals, fire departments, and families in need. And as always, the North Brooklyn Angels are always deserving of support, especially now.

Barano Brooklyn, dinner + wine pairing

Offering their full menu and custom wine pairings through neighboring bottle shop Spirit Animal, wine and dine yourself finely tonight. All info here. 

Edouard Massih Quarancatering

This Greenpoint local chef is posting his daily recipes for a homecooked, catered meal to help feed and connect you to your community from the comfort of your own mess-free kitchen. Follow him here and join in this week’s menu options, complete with a mocktail ready and waiting for your favorite liquor to be added.

Archestratus Contact-less Market!

Your favorite cookbook store and cafe has been working with local makers and markets to bring you this, a contactless market open this Saturday! Order online and pick-up right outside of the store, from 1-3pm. 160 Huron St.

Pour one out for your homies…

And please, support your favorite local businesses by contributing to their staff’s GoFundMe. There are 321,000 restaurant industry workers who are now, all, unemployed and potentially without jobs once “all of this ends”. Contribute the extra cash you have in your pocket that you haven’t been using as tips to help them get through this indefinite period of confusion. Le Fanfare in Greenpoint has been my family and livelihood for nearly 3 years now, and also provides the means for me to create all of this, for you. Show your support, to us, to them, to everyone

Ponyboy Bottled Cocktails and new Mexican To-Go Menu!

Featuring the work of local artists, 10% of each sale goes to the artist. #revelwithacause

For a few other creative ways to show your support, by one of these amazing t-shirts from Moonlight Mile, get some amazing French wines at a discount from Sauvage, and buy one of these charming tote bags from Anella.

A Message From Brooklyn, I’m Trying regarding the Coronavirus:

How many of these have flooded your inboxes the past few days? And, I suppose I’ll have a message too- the message is, I don’t have a clue what we should do. I’ve helped narrate your way through both blizzards (back when those were a thing) and far past “stay inside!” warning-wielding heat waves, past the E. Bola scare (let’s face it- The Gutter needed a government-warranted deep-clean) and into the great unknown that became the Trump presidency. But this? I don’t know what to tell you. Other than to be cautious, be clean, makeout with only the people who you really want to makeout with and maybe think twice about visiting grandma the next day, ok? You’re foolish and young and further lovestruck with every shot of tequila you consume…

Let’s be honest with ourselves and recognize that our actions can and do reflect others. However, if you recognize that the city is a living, breathing organism itself, one that requires the passing exchanges of strangers and friends and lovers alike, well then… here are some things you can do, until perhaps we are all contained. 

(although- “New Yorkers- CONTAINED!” is just a headline I cannot imagine…)

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Hartstop Party and Market at Rubulad in Bushwick

Because if there was ever a reason for Brooklynites to come together in honor of the things they hold dear- especially, congregating together for the profound sake of the artists and artisans that bring life to this place- then it would be a happening brought into fruition by Hartstop, via Rubulad, this Thursday night. They’ll be taking over their mystical party space and filling it with love and magic and music and food and art and tattoos and more. Fill your heart until you can feel the hartstop. $8 gets you into the party, and it’s where you want to be. Info here. Address released with ticket purchase.

Mortified at Littlefield in Gowanus

Admitting to your friends that you ditched out early because no, you didn’t feel “coronavirus-y” but it was actually diarrhea is, well, kinda embarrassing. But desperate times call for desperate opportunities to tell lies… I get it. This will/might make you feel better. Head to Littlefield tonight for this “excavation of teen angst artifacts” (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Because we can all agree, regardless of everything, we’ve come a long way since handjobs and Smirnoff Ice. Tickets, $10 available here. 7:30-9:30pm, afterparty at Parklife (don’t embarrass yourself.) 635 Sackett St. #handjobsandsmirnoffice

Salt, Smoke, Time 1st Anniversary Party at Archestratus in Greenpoint

I think it would be helpful for us all to spend some time getting back to the land and sustainable food practices that have made our country one that can not only nourish our people but can give them so many choices about said nourishment. And most of these choices, despite what McDonald’s wants you to believe, require salt, smoke, and time. As a Virginia ex-pat and ham-devotee, I whole-heartedly respect, consume, and appreciate this process. Come hear about it from the best as they celebrate the 1st anniversary of their book with the same name, along with a discussion panel and an arancini accompaniment that only Paige LiPari could provide. Get your tickets here now. 6:30-8:30pm. 160 Huron St.

Y2K Dirty Thursday at House of Yes in Bushwick

Remember that time we all freaked out that technology was going to break given its inability to predict that at some point, all the clocks would be resetting to say 00-00-00?! Oh, how feeble our idea of breaking the internet or rampant societal dangers was back then. In honor of Y2K, let’s get down and dirty this Thursday night and go back to a time where the comfort of our digital time-keepers seemed to be our biggest concern. It’s a Y2K party at House of Yes, so come dressed and ready to dance accordingly. (Don’t worry- they’re selling Calvin Klein bras, neon scrunchies, and Kaboodles at Urban Outfitters now so, this is a costume you can pull off.) It’s free all night. Info here. 2 Wyckoff Ave. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Have a damn Good Night at Good Bar and Good Room in Greenpoint

Everyone seems a little fearful, a little cautious, a little suspicious perhaps of having a good time this weekend. But until we are all captured and quarantined, a good, clean time is our right and responsibility. Get yours on Friday night first at Good Bar, the new vinyl-spinning bar occupying that magical triangle at the top of Bedford Ave, and then carry that good time all the way to Good Room, on Meserole Ave. They welcome Martyn and his friends all the way from Detroit to unite our two prolific electronic music scenes. Go, have a good time. Tickets here. 10pm-5am.

Scenes from a Vegan Italian Restaurant at Magick City in Greenpoint

Sure, maybe an all-vegan meal seems lame to you, but let’s put it this way- none of the plants are Corona-carriers AND, there is absolutely nowhere in the city where you can find a 6-course meal for $60- with an additional $10 added with wine pairings. Open your mind and body and realize all of the magick to be found in a plant-based diet, or, at least, let Magick City help convince you. It’s happening Friday night and there will be a DJ and on-site produced kombucha because this is Brooklyn. Tickets here. 7pm-midnight, 37 Box St.

Seven Deadly Sins at Company XIV in Bushwick

Looking for a way to sin harder and faster and stronger and infinitely cooler than whatever someone convinces you to do on St Patrick’s Day in Hoboken this weekend? Seven Deadly Sins at Company XIV will fill your head and heart and body with all of the desires that inherently accompany these things that we mustn’t fall victim to… and then will show you just how good it feels to indulge. Company XIV is some of the very best theater I have ever seen performed in this city, and they’re doing it in an intimate space in Bushwick that brings you directly, and not unwillingly, into the performance. Come and commit some sins this weekend. Tickets here. Confession booth upon exit, so, just let it all go. 

Ron Like Hell at Nowadays in Ridgewood

I once worked at Bloomingdale’s with a girl who used to be a toilet-seat buyer for Bed, Bath, and Beyond… “There is no seasonality for toilet seats,” I remember her telling me. And that really made me question things as I unwrapped thousands of tiny, coveted Juicy Couture charms to be cataloged and photographed. Here’s another story of a buyer- it’s the one about that guy who used to be the main buyer for Academy Records in Greenpoint who has now become one of the most iconic DJs in the Queer music movement in Brooklyn and the one who is playing Friday night, at Nowadays. Ron will be spinning tunes to keep you moving and grooving all night so get your tickets here now and trust that their toilet seats will be the same Friday night as they will in the summertime too. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

You have a choice here, folks. Saturday is when green-beer-thirsty monsters will descend upon our fair town in search of mayhem…

Or you can choose instead to celebrate Pi Day at my favorite pie places in Brooklyn.

Pi Day at Pies and Thighs in Williamsburg

Don’t think you’ll be the only one to have this clever idea. You won’t be. But that won’t make it any less satisfying or not worth the wait. The best fried chicken and the very best pies in the borough needs no additional calculations or second thoughts. Go. Eat. Make observations about the radius of the biscuits, or don’t. You’ll still be celebrating properly. 166 South 4th St.

Or, Celebrate Pi Day at Four & Twenty Blackbirds in Gowanus – 439 3rd Ave.

Or you can even do it at Pie Corps in Greenpoint – 77 Driggs Ave.

Prom Forever at Our Wicked Lady in Bushwick

I mean hey… if we’re going to be on lockdown, can we choose a place and a time period? What about prom night, forever? But obviously we’re older and with better style and cooler partners to choose from and way better DJs. Come test your luck and fall into what might be an evening that will go on indefinitely. It’s a benefit for Rock ‘n Roll Retreat NYC so go and #revelwithacause this Saturday night. They’ll have good tunes and a photo booth and flash tattoos and dancing and plenty of opportunities to get lucky and pretend like it’s the first time, or whatever you want to pretend it’s like. Get tickets here now. 7:30pm-3am, 153 Morgan Ave.

Whiskey Stories at the Love Shack in Bushwick

Only good things can come from drinking whiskey in the dark with strangers. Trust me, but please don’t inquire. Get all of this magic plus food pairings at Whiskey Stories, an immersive whiskey-paired dinner at a hidden little spot in Bushwick. You’ll be blindfolded and led through the event by whiskey specialist and comic storyteller Rachna Hukmani. Get frisky this Saturday. Tickets are $95 and going fast… available here. 161 Stockholm St.

Perpetuum and Izakaya at A/D/O in Greenpoint

Yep, I’m still bummed that BMW took the Brooklyn Bazaar away from us (in its original space) but I can’t deny that having the backing of a luxury car brand can’t bring some damn nice things into that fateful warehouse space in Greenpoint. Like this, an art installation that alters your understanding of color, space, time and self, and (thankfully) doesn’t feel like it’s made for Instagram. An art installation for the sake of art! Oh my! Go and experience Perpetuum this weekend (it’s only here until the 17th!) and then have some izakaya with friends at Rule of Thirds, Greenpoint’s new expansive yet absolutely authentic Japanese small-plate haven. Info here. 29 Norman Ave.

Would You Rather at Friends and Lovers in Prospect Heights

Let’s face it- there’s a hell of a lot up in the air right now. Would you rather be quarantined for 3 weeks with 20 of your friends in a railroad apartment, or for one night with all of your former and current lovers? Would you rather have to continue “normal” life in a hazmat suit for the next six months with a mandated distance of 10 feet from everyone, or have four more years of Trump? Would you rather save Tom Hanks or Italy? Come to Friends and Lovers Saturday night to hear a group of comedians be forced to answer similarly incriminating questions on stage. It’s Would You Rather, Live! It’s a comedy show and we could all use a laugh, even if it’s muffled behind a weird mask. Info here. Then head to 641 Classon Ave. Info here.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Dinner + a Movie: Korean Cuisine and a screening of Parasite in Greenpoint

I know you’re dying to read whatever quippy quip I’m about to write about this event I’ve created, but first BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW for the film. It’s playing in a 54-seat antique theater, so spots are going quickly. And then I want you head over to Little Dokebi with that creepy, ravenous look in your eyes before the film and enjoy Greenpoint’s most authentic Korean bites. And then I want you to come find me at Lake Street after your dinner-and-a-movie adventure and thank me for making your Friday night fucking awesome. (I accept tequila shots.)  Film Noir is located at 122 Meserole St. Find Little Dokebi at 85 Driggs Ave.

I see you out there, Brooklyn. Looking for trouble in all the right places. Chasing the sunset until it rises again. Drinking more tequila than you will ever own up to, especially not to your hangover the next morning (“I only had like two drinks last night…”) I see you out there, and I like you. I like your spirit. I like your song. I like that little dance you do when you think no one, or everyone, is watching. And I’ve made plans for you this weekend- the only kind of plans that are worthy of your time.

Just trust me and dive in to your weekend guide, then get going. It’s all out there waiting for you.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Eat a Paczki in Greenpoint for Fat Thursday

It’s Fat Thursday. Which is the non-Americanized way to celebrate Fat Tuesday. Which means if you live in Greenpoint, you indulge in round little sugary delights called paczkis before holy week and fasting and such begins. But more than anything, it’s a damn good excuse to connect with the cultural heritage of the neighborhood… maybe, with a side of borscht at my new favorite little pierogi spot. Make yourself a little fatter and get your paczkis today at Peter Pan, Polka Dot, Old Poland Bakery (it’s on Manhattan and Kent), Pierozek, or in Williamsburg at Northside Bakery. 

Bingo Night with Lukas Volger at Archestratus in Greenpoint

What if Marie Kondo could also get inside of our refrigerators and kitchen cabinets and help us weed out all of the nonsense to leave only, simply, the foods that bring us joy? Well, she kind of is, in the form of Lukas Volger this Thursday night in the back of a cookbook store in Greenpoint. Volger’s new book Start Simple: Eleven Everyday Ingredients for Countless Weeknight Meals, will show you how to do a whole hell of a lot with a little.  And comedian Mike Albo will help give you a little hope, in a few rounds, during Bingo! Free arancini ball with the purchase of beer or wine, so dinner’s on the house. Info here. 6:30-8:30pm, 160 Huron St.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Grand Street Restaurant Week, Williamsburg

Ah, restaurant week in New York- a highly anticipated and seemingly a great way to have a new experience for a great value! …And then you get there and it’s overrun with people who don’t know how to dine out and the food lets you down and everyone is on top of each other and you order too many drinks to deal with your frustration and then you’re paying way way more than anticipated for a mediocre experience… which I guess is also exactly what it’s like to live in Manhattan. Let’s just do this shit our own way. It’s Grand Street Restaurant Week, and just as every time you’ve ever subbed one experience for another across the river, it will be so much grander on our side. 15 amazing restaurants, now through March 1st. all info you need is here, including menus! Along Grand St. 

Carnaval at House of Yes in Bushwick

Consider that round little sugary ball of dough you took as a sacrament on Fat Thursday as your entry into the sinful world that will be overtaking House of Yes this Friday night. Because after all, how can we abstain and truly repent if we don’t indulge to the utmost? All of the colorful magic and life of Brazil will be poured into the wild warehouse walls in Bushwick to let you dance and sing and love and feel alive. And do it all dressed in costume. Looks, inspiration, and all the other info you need is right here. Free before 11pm with an RSVP and a good getup. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave. #getuptogetdown   

Mean Jeans, Dirty Fences, and Bower at TV Eye in Ridgewood

Oh, hey. It’s you. I know you. You. that person who wants to be the first of your friends to discover the hottest new spot in town. And I know why you’re here- because you trust me to hip you to those places. Enter, your Friday night plans- you and your crew going to see Mean Jeans, Dirty Fences, and Brower at TV Eye in Ridgewood. Because finally, Brooklyn is bringing back the bar/venue combos that formerly allowed us to drink and float fluidly between chilling and rocking out (I miss you, Cameo Gallery. Spike Hill, Glasslands) and this is the one you should have on your radar, from now until death by gentrification due us part. Get tickets here now. Get dinner and cocktails before the show at Bun-Ker.

Pschemagik and Love Tempo at Good Room in Greenpoint

Sometimes you just want to have a wild night with your friends that just kind of happens that way. Not too much planning, no required costumes or dress code, no necessary logistical coordination, just your pals and some booze and whatever other things you prefer to ingest and some damn good dance music, all night. This is the party that will make that night happen tonight. BIT favorite Love Tempo (Justin Strauss + Billy Caldwell) joins Psychemagik and friends at Good Room, my favorite place to do bad things. Get your tickets here (they’re cheaper than at the door) then meet at Lake Street and walk over. And do bad things that feel good. 98 Meserole St.

Battle of the Bands at Our Wicked Lady or anything else at Cobra Club

It’s Saturday. You find yourself stumbling somewhere around in Bushwick, trying to find something worthwhile or at least that doesn’t require a wild burning-man-esque costume or your dodging finance douchebags who wanted to “Brooklyn” tonight. Does adding some heavy rock music and a little additional combativeness to your evening sound better? Head to Our Wicked Lady for their Winter Madness battle-of-the-bands competition. And then head across the street at the Cobra Club for shots. Of whisky. And likely unwelcome conversation that you’ll pretend to forget in the morning or, a damn good time that starts in the bathroom. Our Wicked Lady is located at 153 Morgan Ave, and Cobra Club is down the street at 6 Wyckoff Ave.

NY Beer Week Kickoff at the Expo Center in Greenpoint

Yeah. I know. I usually hate these festivals. But our city and state are brewing some damn good beers, and to have (almost) all of them under one roof, being poured by the brewers who will be able to tell you all about the passion behind their pilsners and the love in their lagers is not something you want to miss. It’s the kickoff to NYC Beer Week which also means, now is not the time to restart that carb-free New Year’s Resolution. It’s happening at the Expo Center featuring 75+ breweries, unlimited tastings, a locally-sourced food court, games, music, and the best by-the-slice pizza shop in town just across the street to soak up all those suds after. Tickets and info here. 72 Noble St.

Beer Week Kick-Off After-Parties, at Brouwerij Lane and Threes Brewing in Greenpoint

For those of you who take this really seriously or at least don’t mind being around people who do the same, head to Brouwerij Lane after the fest for unique sips and telling drunk stories that you disguise as “beer experiences”. Info here, 78 Greenpoint Ave.

Or, head to Threes Brewing… for a slightly more low-key yet still very celebratory after-party. Show them your Beer Week badge for $5 Vliet Pilsners all night. The DJ starts at 8pm so pace yourself. Or, don’t. No sweat really either way. It’s your Saturday. Party starts at noon and doesn’t end until you do. Info here. 113 Franklin St.

Tasting Room at St. Agrestis and Greenhook Ginsmiths in Greenpoint

Listen. Fuck Brunch. For real, it’s lame and just for people who feel the need to find an excuse to start day drinking and who also don’t know how to make eggs at home. Make eggs at home. And then decide you need no excuse to drink whenever you want, but you do need to take advantage of one of the coolest and still semi-undiscovered watering holes in Brooklyn. Because it’s only open to the public on Saturdays and Sundays and it’s guaranteed to lift your spirits by stirring theirs together and into a glass just for you. Stop by anytime between 1-6pm or sign up for the tour at 2pm.  233 Eagle St.

Rhymes with Opera at the Brooklyn Conservatory of Music in Prospect Park

I’m a big, big fan of opera in intimate spaces. This past summer, I was fortunate enough to be dining atop a mountain in Tuscany while a harpist and opera singer performed for just the 6 of us, and had us all in tears within minutes, and I’m anxiously awaiting the return of LoftOpera. For now, I’m so excited to see Rhymes With Opera this Saturday. An intimate performance that is part of the Brooklyn Conservatory’s Parlour Room Sessions, it will bring you through what promises to be a beautifully orchestrated emotional roller coaster. Get tickets here now. 5:30-7pm. 58 7th Ave.

National Margarita Day, everywhere apparently.

Don’t you hate it when social media decides it must designate a day for every fucking thing and then push it off into the trend surf and watch everyone lose their minds while their Instagram feeds all become some cohesive slop of feigned artistry while their lives are completely and utterly unchanged? Yeah. Me fucking too. In other news, it’s National Margarita Day. Here’s a link to where you can mindlessly pretend that’s a thing while you get drunk.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Hotbox Mobile Sauna Pop-Up in Bushwick

Was your red-hot weekend of love a little lukewarm this year? Don’t fret it, baby… sweat it. Our favorite little hot box will be opening its doors (but you know, just like for a quick moment each time) this Sunday so you can get hot with some strangers. Hot Box is a traveling sauna and it’s guaranteed to cure those winter blues and the chill in your bones and potentially the loneliness in your heart. Reserve your spot here, and maybe just hold onto your sauna hat unless you see other people wearing them. 2-6pm. 26 Vandervoort Pl.

Pale Ramon at Threes Brewing in Gowanus

On Fridays, I like to be taken to dinner and have long conversation over and endless bottle of wine, followed by tequila at some dark, seductive little dive bar. On Saturdays, I like to drink negroni’s a little too early and end up dancing too late into the night to retain my dignity. And on Sundays? Well on Sundays, I like to go see live music. Often, it’s Stephane Wrembel at Barbes in Park Slope or honky-tonk at Skinny Dennis, but this Sunday it’s Pale Ramon at Three’s Brewing in Gowanus. Because there’s nothing more enticing than the raw, melodic sounds of this Brooklyn-based band, especially with a beer in hand. They’re playing with other people, but I’m going for them. Info here. Doors at 7:30pm. 333 Douglass St/

Petitioning Pick-Up at Teddy’s in Williamsburg

Between the heated on-stage debates and the unavoidable at-bar debates we’ve all been having as the presidential race heats up. Let’s keep in mind that so much of what affects our daily lives can be changed right in our own neighborhoods. Teddy’s, everyone’s favorite little neighborhood bar in Williamsburg, wants to help you have the last word in any heated political discussion (“I just know that I’m doing everything I can right here, in my neighborhood”) by giving you petitioning packets to help you Rep Your Block and have a say on who is on our County Committee. Because when the future of our political landscape feels as intangible as Amy Klobachar’s hairstyle, we need to take it to the streets. Stop by anytime from 2-6pm. Info here. 96 Berry St.

Come see me and Ceri at Elder Greene!

That’s right, I’ll be working alongside my partner-in-crime at one of our favorite local haunts in Greenpoint. Why? Well because Ceri kind of works everywhere, and she needed back-up… and while things can only get so crazy working behind the bar at Le Fanfare, semi-soberly slinging shots on a Sunday until 4am is bound to leave me with some great new material! Note: your entry counts as permission to be used unknowingly in some story on Brooklyn, I’m Trying, and gives me the right to do anything I can to loosen those lips of yours. 160 Franklin St.

I’ve found all the best ways to secure your position on Santa’s naughty list this weekend.

 Get to it, there isn’t much time. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Hartstop Disco Dance Party at Venus in Furs in Williamsburg

Disco isn’t dead and neither am I and neither are you. You know how I know? That little heart of your is still in there beating, likely to its own drum… but let’s let all of ours beat together, and our hips move and groove together, this Thursday night at Venus in Furs in Williamsburg. They’ll welcome back the Hartstop Disco Dance Party and all of you and your disco-fab friends to dance all night. Dico getup welcome, it makes conversation-starting easier (and you know it). $8/10 suggested to enter. Info here. 9pm ’til late. 990 Broadway.

Morbid Hour: Celebrating the Darkest Day of the Year at KCBC Brewery

Friday is the darkest day of the year (or I suppose it’s Thursday to Friday?), and that means we’re all tempted to join the dark side, to succumb to the deep dark cold of winter, to relinquish all of our best intentions for evil, to pretend to like Star Wars. Our friends at KCBC want to help envelope you into darkness with their Darkest Day of the Year celebration, featuring their new Morbid Hour dark beer on tap and in collaboration with St. Vitus and Traze Pizza, so things will be dark and metally and delicious. The lights will be low, the music will be low, and there will be no hand checks. Info here, it all happens 5-11pm at KCBC, 381 Troutman St.

NYC DSA Debate Watch Party at Magazine* in Greenpoint

I haven’t been one for political ‘watch’ parties ever since I attended one at Lake Street one fateful Tuesday night that had us all clutching our beers and taking obscene amounts of whiskey shots, unable to believe our eyes, and in my case, convincing myself it didn’t actually happen so I could finally fall asleep around 4:30am. But, one of the best things about a debate watch part is that we get to see where all of us actually stand, and feel our voices heard at least among our peers in order to shape a stronger one come election time. The best place to do it is at Magazine* Greenpoint. They’ll have the debate with sound on the big screen, all-night drink specials, an impartial disco ball, and as always, free popcorn. RSVP here. 130 Franklin St.

*Disco Shayz

House of Yes Xmas Spectacular in Bushwick

This is one of my favorite New York holiday traditions. The Christmas Spectacular at House of Yes is a festive, immersive holiday adventure that combines traditional songs and stories and then completely flips them upside down and strips them away and interprets them with aerialists, dancing gifts, sexy reindeer, Mariah Carey, milk and cookies, and so many surprises under the tree you’ll question whether or not you’ve actually been good this year. (Trust me, you haven’t.) Tickets, $30-80 are available here. Shows are Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, 7-10pm. 2 Wyckoff Ave at House of Yes, the place for naughty boys and girls.

Dirty Thursday: Office Holiday Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

After the Spectacular, roll right into the office holiday party the way you always wanted it to be- with no awkward conversations with slimy old executives who feel comfortable holding their hand on your lower back, without cheesy games or giveaways or speeches you have to pretend to give a fuck about, and with overall way better-looking people. Come and forget office politics, forget being afraid of making a fool of yourself. Make copies of your private parts. Hook up in a not-that-dark corner. Have no regrets. And honestly, I bet if you reached out to Jim from finance in an after-hours email he’d have no qualms about meeting you for a late-night budget constraints review. It’s free all night. Dress up, it’s more fun. Info here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Good Room Holiday Party in Greenpoint

I at least want to pretend that I was good this year; that even my worst decisions started with good intentions. Well, it’s time we threw all of that shit out the window this Friday because to be honest, it’s way too late. Let’s just admit that we’re a bunch of fucking heathens. Celebrate your hedonistic longings at the Good Room’s holiday party. Get merry and dance with your friends all night to some of the city’s best DJs, in both the Good and Bad rooms. Free for Good Room members, $10 with RSVP right here. 10pm-4am, 98 Meserole Ave at Good Room, where no good can come of it.

Light Side about Darth Vader at Film Noir Cinema in Greenpoint

I’m kind of one of those people who doesn’t really get the whole Star Wars thing. I understand it’s a fantastic story, I get that the graphics were really profound for the time, and they caught Harrison Ford at his very best… but beyond that, I find myself searching for a little more. Which is why I’m so into this event, that will show you a deeper (not darker) side of the whole story. Film Noir Cinema, that captivating little antique theatre in Greenpoint, invites you into a journey with David Prowse, the British actor who originally portrayed Darth Vader, through his new documentary Light Side. It will give you a fresh and different perspective into the trilogy. Come. Listen. Learn. Be tempted toward either side but also, develop an understanding into what it means to be a celebrated villain. I’ll be there mostly because maybe now I can finally stop aggressively sipping my coffee while I pretend to listen to my boyfriend get so damn excited when we see a “dolorian” poster as wait for the G train. Tickets are in limited capacity- get yours here now. It’s happening from 8:30-10:30pm at 122 Meserole Ave. 

Michael Alan’s Holiday Sale at his Studio in Bushwick

What do you get for that one person on your list who still remains an enigma? That person who has such specific taste but still somehow astounds you every time you go to their apartment and think, how the fuck did you think to put that here? And also, I think that taxidermied creature is still breathing… This is the place to find that special something for that special someone. Renowned performance artist and Brooklyn resident will open his studio for a sale this Friday night. Come to get an inside look at the creative process of this profound artist, and pick something crazy out for yourself or a friend. Info here. Address revealed with RSVP.

Holiday Island at House of Yes in Bushwick

Look at your skin right now. Ugh. Squalled, right? And that sweater? Remember when it was a shirt that said “hey, I just came to party!” instead of, “hi, my office is usually pretty cold and I just wanted to make sure I could get through the financial reports without an undue amount of discomfort.” There’s still a chance to change that around. There’s still a way to say, “Hey baby, is it warm in here, or is it just me heating up the dance floor?” It’s all happening Saturday night, at House of Yes. They’ll be having their Holiday Island party, so give the gift that keeps you living. So save yourself. Get out of your winter skin. Shed a little light on that timeless summer glow. Be cool. Get hott. Get tickets here right now. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Muppet Christmas Live Reading and Sing-Along at the Creek and the Cave in LIC

I really love holiday traditions for the sake of just helping you fall right into that cozy holiday spirit. And there’s no doubt that watching Muppet Christmas is one of them. So let’s all head to the Creek and the Cave Friday night and hold hands and sing along and cheer on that Kermit the Frog Tiny Tim. You $5 will be donated to Coalition for the Homeless so go, #revelwithacause. Info here. Head to Bierocracy after, and get a mojito from Zach. He makes ’em best.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

BK Queer Flea Market at 3 Dollar Bill in Bushwick

Not sure what to get the staunch republicans on your list? Get the something interesting and handmade at this holiday market in Brooklyn, and then let them know proudly that their gift also supports LGBTQ rights and the community’s creative endeavors. Find the full list of vendors here, and then be there from 3-9pm at 3 Dollar Bill in Bushwick. 260 Meserole St.

Nutcracker Rouge at Company XIV in Bushwick

Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2018. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.

Greenhook Ginsmiths and St. Agrestis New Tasting Room is Open!

If you haven’t read my piece on Duke’s Liquor Box yet then maybe you don’t exactly realize how much we should appreciate the fact that New York has relatively recently opened up its regulations for small-batch distillers. That means that even just in Greenpoint, we have a handful of amazing distilleries to visit, learn from, and sip with. And two of the best just got together to open a charming little tasting room, on Eagle Street. Greenhook Ginsmiths and St. Agrestis Amaro (ps, St. Agrestis is basically the saint of wild ex-pats, which is all of us here), and they’re only open for walk-ins on the weekends. So you should go this Saturday, experience the magic these two spirits make when combined, get a little loose then go (kind of) finish your shopping at the Renegade Craft Fair, at the Expo Center! Find the tasting room at 233 Eagle St.

Renegade Craft Fair at the Expo Center in Greenpoint

Crafts are dangerous again! Or, I mean a little. These “renegade” makers are bold enough to go beyond the store and sell their wares from charming little booths that are like pockets of passion and hard work for you to peruse and decide if their blood, sweat, and tears have a place under your tree this year. (HInt: they do.) Go. Buy. Support local makers. Info here. Go Saturday or Sunday, starting at 11am. 79 Franklin St.

Winter Soulstice at House of Yes in Bushwick

I’m pretty sure Winter arrived on Wednesday in a big old squall that came storming over us from the West… but, we shall formally welcome it into our house this Saturday night, at House of Yes. In their words, “Radiate your light on this darkest night and feel connected to the stars, the sun… and the future of you. Nurture your nature. Celebrate your celestial soul on Winter Solstice, through heartbeats and body rolls on our dance floor. Change the season. Change your life.” Yep. Any other info is here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Stay tuned!!!

Looking for a little escape this weekend? I’ve got just the thing.

Read on. And let’s get out of here, baby.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Holiday Tasting at Spirit Animal in Greenpoint

Having some trouble getting into the spirit this holiday season? What, you mean, it isn’t enough trying to balance a full time job with whatever is likely your passion project and trying to figure out how the hell you’ll be able to pay rent this month on top of affording time off to go see your family and bring them all gifts AND also, you have nothing sparkly to wear on NYE. Yeah, spirits are officially dimmed. Some friends of mine in Williamsburg want to change that. Spirit Animal Brooklyn is a charming little wine and spirit shop that has the answer to almost all of your ’tis the season woes. Come, forget about the bad times, say yes to the good times, find gifts for everyone, find something sparkly (that is, some drinkable sparkles) and get into the damn spirit. It’s a FREE tasting and celebration, and you need to be there. Info here. 20 Broadway.

Mortified at Littlefield in Gowanus

Feeling a little down that maybe you haven’t exactly been “living your best life!” lately? Well, this will make you feel better. Head to Littlefield tonight for this “excavation of teen angst artifacts” (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. Because we can all agree, at least, we’ve come a long way since handjobs and Smirnoff Ice. Tickets, $10 available here. 7:30-9:30pm, afterparty at Parklife (don’t embarrass yourself.) 635 Sackett St. #handjobsandsmirnoffice

A Very Meow Meor Holiday Cabaret at BAM in Downtown Brooklyn

Can you get on Santa’s Bad List just by watching other people do bad things? Probably not, right? But what if you like it? What if it makes you do bad things yourself? And what if you decide that after all, the bad list is kind of a good place for you, and you know a lot of other people on it too? There’s only one really good way to find out… that’s by heading to the Brooklyn Academy of Music (sounds good so far) and getting a ticket to the Holiday Cabaret (I mean, what could go wrong?) And then finding yourself in an audience of strangers in the dark and not enough honest places to lay your hands (this is getting weird…) Listen. You’ve been on the Good List long enough. Come to the Dark Side. Tickets available here. 30 Lafayette Ave.

Ho, Ho, Holiday Lounge at the Springs in Greenpoint

So you know when your girlfriend is all like, “baby, should we get a tree this year?” and all you hear is, “hey, should we mindlessly spend $100 additional dollars on bringing some timestamped plantlife into our home in addition to the cactus that is clearly dying, at exactly the time when you’re trying to pinch every penny to make me happy on Christmas morning?” Well yeah. Yeah you should. And just when she doesn’t expect you to say yes, raise her one with a trip to the Ho Ho Holiday Lounge, a little piece of the North Pole right here in Greenpoint. They’ll have holiday cocktails, Fornino wood-baked pizza, painfully festive decor, plenty of places to warm up by the fire*, and so many other events to help you get into the spirit, and maybe… make her forget about that tree. Info here, including tons of daily events! 224 Franklin St.

*if ya know what I mean

Sagittarius Party at the Gradient in Bushwick

Now’s your chance to go look a Sagittarius in the eye and ask them to be honest, how badly do they wish they had been born prematurely and been part of this savage multi-dimensional cult of shameless Scorpios? Nah I’m totally kidding (kind of…) but don’t say that to a sag. Instead, entertain their sense of wonderment and explore their characteristically flexible sides and reliable tendency to roam this Thursday at the Gradient. They’ll be throwing their annual Sagittarius birthday party, which means a lot of people who are looking to get lucky, or at least get down to their birthday suits. They’ll have tarot readings and interpretable fortunes, drink specials and drinks that make you wonder what the hell you did wrong, and dancing all night, well into dawn. Listen, you always have a reason to party. Thursday night, make it your birth reason. Info here. 8-11pm. 17 Wyckoff Ave. (in other words, head to House of Yes afterwards)

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Future of Clubbing with Caravan Gitane at ZeroSpace, in (believe it or not…) Midtown Manhattan

If you know me, then you know that I hate made-for-Instagram-immersive-installations. With all the world-class museums in this town, how dare we decide to make ourselves the center of the art. However, this one seems different. They’ve been titillating people’s sense for two months now, and Friday night they’ll take this underground immersion a little deeper along with our longtime friends at Caravan Gitane. And, they finally got their liquor license… which comes along with a slew of renowned DJs who want you to live and experience nightlife in NYC on a completely different level. If you’ve thought your clubbing days were in the past, leave them there… and check out the Future of Clubbing, at ZeroSpace. Yes, it’s in a shitty area of Manhattan, but also es, I think that’s what makes it bolder and somewhat cooler. This will be a multi-sensory experience that I will encourage you to enact the Budd System within, and also to stay all night. Most of the info you need is here. For the rest, use your imagination… I know you can. 

Holiday Disco at Houe of Yes in Bushwick

Disco isn’t dead and neither am I and neither are you and you know what? Neither is Santa. Or, I mean… I don’t wanna think so. So let’s celebrate Friday night with all that’s merry and bright at our most favorite and festive house in the neighborhood. House of Yes will be having their annual Holiday Disco which means come in all your glitter, and bearing all your gifts. Dance all night, find someone special under the mistletoe. Or someone mediocre in the bathroom. It doesn’t matter, it’s the holidays. Tickets and info here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

All I Want for Christmas is Robyn at Brooklyn Bowl in Williamsburg

I mean… when you’re our age (I’m just assuming my readers have also grown with me here) and you mostly just buy the things you really want when you really want them, then what does sound better than having Robyn at Brooklyn Bowl atop your list this year? (that was a rhetorical question). All you want for Christmas is Robyn, at Brooklyn Bowl, this Friday night. Trust me. Trust Santa. Trust this amazing venue and all the magic that always comes from it. Get your tickets here now, and let’s dance back into the times of yore. Doors open at 11:30pm. 61 Wythe Ave.

Motor City Drum Ensemble at the Knockdown Center in Maspeth, Queens

Why throw it down this weekend when you can knock it down? Yep, you can’t really answer that and that’s ok with me. Just trust that your best bet is to knock it down, at the Knockdown Center, to the absolutely euphoric dance beats of the Motor City Drum Ensemble. Never been to the Knockdown Center? Imagine an immersive, artistic playground made for adults with amazing lights and all the people you want to be around, dancing to the same (or similar) beats. Yep, now you can answer my question, right? Knock it down this weekend. Get your tickets here now. Doors open at 9pm, there is a shuttle. 52-19 Flushing Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

Nutcracker Rouge at Theater XIV in Bushwick

Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2017. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.

Santa Con Nowhere In Brooklyn This Year

Fuck Santa Con and what it does to this city and how badly it ruins the dreams of children to see Santa pissing in phone booths and vomiting on the subway and screaming at her boyfriend in a very uncharacteristically, jolly-less way. And yes, ok, I did it once. Ok, twice. I get it. But that was BEFORE it got so out of control. So just a heads up Santas, watch for these signs and don’t even try to get in. Stay in Murray Hill where you belong. And hey listen, good on you Union Pool for making an effort to be douche-less for one day of the year. I get it, you can’t help it, and this is really the only sign you can legally put up in order to keep them out. I’m sorry we’ve all stopped coming and trying to keep you cool. Williamsburg is lost. Goodbye.

Social Justice Holiday Market at MayDay Space in Bushwick

Because nothing will go smoother at your family’s Christmas celebration than explaining to your mom that her gift goes actually goes towards children trapped and abandoned at the border because oh yeah, there never was a caravan and this country was founded on immigrants and that your great grandparents came through Ellis Island. Ok, ok… no need to stir up too much commotion, but there is a desire to have your holiday spending money go towards good causes. MayDay Space will be holding a Social Justice Holiday Market this Saturday, which means every gift you choose will go toward a range of causes as part of broader grassroots movements and the solidarity economy. There’s no better way to gift-give this season. It’s happening from noon-6pm, info here. 176 St. Nicholas Ave.

Zero Presents Winter Wonderland at the Knockdown Center in Maspeth

Just because it feels like winter outside doesn’t mean we’re walking in a winter wonderland. More like an inconvenient commute and a reason we realize we shouldn’t be biking, after we get on our bikes and are too proud to turn back around. Zero Presents wants to help paint a pretty picture of the reality of the season, and welcome you into their own version of a winter wonderland, at the Knockdown Center this Saturday night. How will they do this, you may ask? By inviting 8 of the world’s best DJs to spin you into a little winter frenzy, all night. This is the party you want to be at this weekend. Get your tickets here now. 52-19 Flushing Ave. 

Ugly Sweater Art Run in Williamsburg

In the age of fusion everything, it seems that any singular-dimensional event is simply of the past. I want my strippers to come with a side of sushi! I need to do my laundry while playing arcade games and drinking in a dive bar with my friends! I want to be fully immersed and enticed and confused and over-stimulated! I need to flaunt my tacky sweater while taking in as much street art as possible and also, working out! I need this. It’s my Christmas wish. Well baby, you got it. It’s the ugly sweater art run and it’s happening this Saturday in Williamsburg. This 5K run takes you through the wondrous streets of north Brooklyn while we all sweat in our sweaters and secrete last year’s egg nog. Sign up here for $25, 10am-noon. Meet at the Living Gallery, 1094 Broadway.

Magic Eye Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

I once brought up a party at House of Yes with a coworker before a meeting, who had also been at the same party that weekend. “How crazy were the bathrooms? With all of those bugs and spiders everywhere?” The look on her face told me I should shut up as all of the executives filed into the board room. First of all, she just went into a different stall it seems, and also, most of the time you’re at House of Yes, you can’t believe your eyes. Embrace just that this weekend at their Magic Eye party. In their own words- “Seek the Magic. View the void. Feel the body. Breathe the beat. Taste the tempo. Get your trips through dance. *No LSD required* Look deeper and be the beauty. The magic is moving you.” Dress in psychedelic styles. Info and inspo right here. See you there, at least… I think I will. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Hartstop at Rubulad, somewhere in Bushwick

Holiday parties usually suck. Parties at Rubulad never do. So hedge your bets and head to their Hartstop holiday party and market, featuring a wild array of music, vendors, food, art, and Bushwick wonderlandness. Make some and decisions about gifts. Make some good decisions about lovers. Dance your way around all of it. $8 to enter, at a secret place that you’ll only know the address once you commit. So just do it. There’s no troll or riddle involved (I mean, usually.) Info here.  Location TBA (but in Bushwick)

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

brb, had a little holiday partying to catch up on…