Hey Brooklyn. Regardless of your relationship status, I can help you celebrate Valentine’s Day in Brooklyn this year. Just as our love affair with this city bounces from complete dedication to absolute disdain on a nearly daily basis, our relationship statuses tend to flip and flutter nearly as much. So let’s check-in here.

Where do you find yourself this Valentine’s Day? Where is your heart? Who is laying there beside you? Who was just in your dreams?

In whatever state of love or longing you find yourself this Valentine’s Day, I’ll help you navigate the city of romance (hahaha jk) in all the right ways. And if you need it, I’ll be here to recommend the best cafe to take her to the next morning. Seriously, DM me. You can’t waste all of that on a bad croissant. 

Let’s step on the good foot and do the bad thing. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Intentionally forget to wear undies and tell him at dinner. Put it all out there, because your lover’s next lover is just a swipe away. And we don’t want that to happen. 

Here’s how to spread your love, all over town. 

For the Newfound Love

Oh you know those precious first few months. The ones when you still get a little nervous before you meet up, when you still delicately choose what stories you tell him, the ones where getting wasted together doesn’t ever end in fighting, just fucking. 

This fledgling love, full of beauty and potential deserves a night that starts with cocktails, evolves into a hip dinner experience, and devolves drunkenly into some intimacy-inducing entertainment. Choose places that say, “I know my neighborhood. I want to get to know you now. And later.” 

In Greenpoint, go for cocktails, dinner, and dancing.

Grand Republic Cocktail Club

Because everyone is going to be at Ramona and you aren’t everyone, this tucked-away cocktail bar has some of the most inventive yet unpretentious drinks in town, made by bartenders that embody the same energy. Plus it has free popcorn in case your tummy is grumbly before dinner. Because that’s still embarrassing in the beginning of things.  19 Greenpoint Ave.

Dinner at 21 Greenpoint

Just avoid the conversation about it being Bill Murray’s son’s place. Because in this town, ya don’t really just get a handout because you’re some star’s kid. Homer Murray has a lot more to boast about, from an inventive, evolving menu and damn impressive wine list, plus a Bib Gourmand award that has no addendum for relative fame. 21 Greenpoint Ave.

In Williamsburg, have wine, dinner and a show, then a little late-night competition.

Wine and Small Plates at Four Horsemen

Impress her with your wine knowledge, or at least your knowledge of hip bars owned by rock stars. Four Horsemen has some of the rarest and most natural wine menus in town, and some of the most delicate small plates to accompany them. Don’t skip the mangalitsa. Don’t stare at the James Murphy. 295 Grand St.

Dinner and Music at St. Mazie

For dinner and some damn good tunes, reserve a table down the street at St. Mazie. With separate performances and menu options downstairs and up, choose your own adventure. And by that I mean look up which one you know she’ll like best.  345 Grand St.

Pool and Whisky at Midway

Nothing juxtaposes a hip wine bar and vintage-esque supper club than a dingy dive bar with a free pool table. Show off your skills, incite a little seductive competition, and smooth it all over with some cheap tequila. Sneak into the bathroom together to settle your bets. Trust me, everyone else is doing something like that too. 272 Grand St.

In Bushwick, have a meal guaranteed to spice things up, then dance it all back off.

Mission Chinese Bushwick

Spicy and hip, (which basically sums up the About Me in your Happn profile), this impossible-to-get-into Manhattan mainstay has opened up a neon-lit off-(bamboo)shoot beneath the already mesmerizing roof of Elsewhere. Which means that after your adventurous pre-fixe, you can find yourself along three different stages and shows. Or of course, go elsewhere. 599 Johnson Ave. 

Dance yourselves dirty and clean again at House of Yes

No better time to bring up or act out your sexual proclivities than at this sex-positive discoteca in Bushwick. Valentine’s Day night they invite you to celebrate love and dance all night at their infamous House of Love party where costumes are required and you won’t have to wait to take each other home. Info here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day if you’re Dating, seriously. 

You’ve both deleted your dating apps. You’ve been upstate together. You’ve met or at least facetimed each others’ families. Getting wasted together half the time ends in fucking, the other half it’s fighting and then really good morning sex. Find your new go-to neighborhood spots. Reliable, slightly unknown, and the type of place that will remember you as you make memories there, together.

A Very Parisien Dinner and Theater Experience in Bushwick

Dinner at Le Garage in Bushwick

Because you can never forget the time you were in Paris together, avoiding tourist traps and instead dining in hidden cafes far from the Champs Elysees. Le Garage is the embodiment of a every experience you discovered wandering around Montemarte. Tucked in the non-glamorous but distinctly bohemian neighborhood of Bushwick, this approachable bistro is serving some of the most exquisite French fare in the city. Their Valentine’s Day pre-fixe menu will have you slipping right back into your Parisien love story. 157 Suydam St.

Catch a very sexy show at Company XIV

You don’t see enough theater in this city because well if you live here, it’s part of the pedigree as a “New Yorker”. How are we supposed to weed through all of the off-broadway and off-off-Broadway to find something worthwhile? And that means worth all of our precious New York minutes… You start by finding a theater company that is doing it differently, that is showcasing some of the best talent in the city on an intimate stage with productions that mix burlesque and ballet in a way that is delicate yet undeniably risque. Company XIV is that company. Their theater in Bushwick is the perfect place to sit and sip and be completely floored by the talent and stories as they all unfold onstage. Check their performance schedule here.  383 Troutman St.

Dinner and Dancing (if that’s what you want to call it) in Greenpoint

Sardinian-Inspired Italian Fare and Live Music at Le Fanfare

There are those places that do always execute their mission perfectly, simply, consistently, and flawlessly, and somehow without much…. well, fanfare. This gem of a restaurant located in NoGreePo is the lovechild of three Sardinian natives who have created a menu and experience that is reflective of their homeland. Exciting and inventive, and a keen concentration on service and the experience created make every moment here one you won’t forget. Their pre-fixe menu is littered with aphrodisiacs that will have you and your lover slipping slowly into the seductive sensory experience that has become inherent in this space. Plus, the funky sounds of Seth Kessel’s honky-tonk band will be filling your ears all night, and trust me, it’s surprisingly seductive. Make a reservation by emailing reservations.lefanfare@gmail.com now. 1103 Manhattan Ave. 

Go Do Bad Things at Good Room

It’s my favorite place to do bad things, and for good reason. Or maybe at least bad reasons with good intentions. This no-frills nightclub is small enough to not get lost in but big enough for your wildest dreams. Showcasing the best local djs and plenty of international names from outside our fair city,  go. Dance. Lose yourself, but not your lover. 98 Meserole St.

Michelin-Star Dinner and an intimate show in South Brooklyn

Tapas at La Vara

Because Michelin star Spanish without the pretentious atmosphere kind of feels like your love story. Unexpected and dynamic, indulgent with staying power. And besides, the two of you are always just a plane ticket away from moving to Mallorca. Get a little taste of the good life here. 268 Clinton St.

Music in the back room at Barbes

There are few places more romantic and unexpectedly intimate like the back room at Barbes. Squeeze in along the back wall and be enamored with the acoustics, the talent, each other. Drink red wine. Check the schedule here. 376 9th St.

So You’re Married, huh?

You did it. You decided to commit to your love forever here in a city where the only consistency is an inability to agree on the best by-the-slice joints in town. That deserves respect, recognition, and a damn good excuse to celebrate. Go for dinner and some theater at a place with reliably good service, consistently excellent food, one that isn’t accompanied with a mostly Kygo playlist or girls who drastically overuse the word literally but deny it a syllable.

Italian Fare and Intimate Cinema in Greenpoint

Dinner at Naked Dog

Naked Dog serves consistently amazing Italian food in an unpretentious setting with cocktails that you’ll both understand and want more than one of. This place is a not-so-hidden gem that gets it right, every time, without all the gentrified riffraff. Don’t skip the burrata, the meatballs, the braised shortrib.  47 Java St.

Catch a movie at Film Noir Cinema

An antique theater hidden on a residential street specializing in noir films often with a live score? This is unexpected yet somehow just what you’ve been looking for. The vintage wooden seats might seem uncomfortable but all the more reason to lean on each other.  Thursday night they’ll be showing Secrets of the Heart, at 9pm. Tickets here, 122 Meserole Ave.

Or try an adventurous Pan-Asian dinner, and a movie, in Williamsburg

Dinner at Monarch Theater Restaurant

I often find restaurants this beautiful too much of a production, and perhaps a distraction, from the food. But trust that even in this absolutely pristine, minimalist setting, the bold flavors take center stage. Read my review written just a few weeks after they opened their doors here, but trust that I’ve checked back in on them often since then, and it seems to keep getting better. 146 Metropolitan Ave.

Film at Nitehawk Williamsburg

There’s simply nothing better than munching on some gourmet popcorn and sipping drinks delivered to you by an elusive, scurrying server in an intimate theater while watching just about anything on the big screen. So make that happen this Valentine’s Day. Get tickets here now. 136 Metropolitan Ave.

New American Fare and a Film in South Slope

Dinner at Camperdown Elm

I can’t say enough about this restaurant. Camperdown Elm is providing an explosion of flavors, textures, spices, and bold new dishes that create an experience that is anything but familiar. It’s intriguing, it’s ambitious, it’s bold and oh-so-good for the soul, like both your first and last lover (but no need to mention them tonight, eh?) Read my full review here, and just make sure you don’t miss the oysters, the rib eye, the sea buckthorn pie. 441 7th Ave.

Catch a film at the new Nitehawk in Prospect Park

Yep, there’s a new Nitehawk with more theaters but each one is just as intimate and inviting as the original in Williamsburg. Catch up on some Oscar noms or see a throwback romance. Check the schedule here, 188 Prospect Park West.

Catching Up with an Old Flame

Avoid the pre-fixe or any indication that this was a good idea. This was probably not a good idea, but you knew that anyway. Find a place to eat that’s loud enough to drown out any utterances of your past wrongdoings and has minimal service to interrupt, but the food and atmosphere says that you’ve still got it. I mean, that you’ve still got that knack you have for picking out great spots that always made her swoon a bit. Grab a bite then head to a dive bar where no hand-checks are required, ever. And also where slaps in the face rarely raise an eyebrow.

Grab a Slice and Shots in Greenpoint

Pizza at Pauli Gee’s Slice Shop

Because nothing replaces an awkward silence like a good-natured New York pizza slice debate, you’ll be guaranteed to have something to playfully fight about and plenty of pizza to stuff in your mouth suddenly if you sense things might be escalating. Also, sports- the universal distraction from reality! 110 Franklin St.

Shot and Beer Specials at Lake Street

The best dive bar in the neighborhood, specializing in shots of whisky, cheap beers, agreeable music, and a bathroom with a sexual zodiac wheel that will stay in her mind when things start getting a little looser. The lighting is always low and they never ask for hand checks.  706 Manhattan Ave.

A Quick Bite and a Battle-of-the-Bands or Dive Bar-ing in Bushwick

Tacos at Los Hermanos Tortilleria

Because it’s just casual enough to make it feel like this isn’t really a thing, plus it’s BYOB.  Get a smattering of tacos and a 6-pack to keep things stress-free that will easily accompany the lighthearted conversation you hope you’ll have. 2 Knickerbocker Ave.

Battle of the Bands at Our Wicked Lady or anything else at Cobra Club

From here, take a mental litmus test of how things are going. Feel like adding some heavy rock music and a little additional combativeness to the evening? Head down the street to Our Wicked Lady for their Winter Madness competition. Or if you two need to keep drinking and talking, go across the street to the Cobra Club for shots. Of whisky. And likely unwelcome conversation that you’ll pretend to forget in the morning or, a damn good time that starts in the bathroom. Our Wicked Lady is located at 153 Morgan Ave, and Cobra Club is down the street at 6 Wyckoff Ave.

Spending Valentine’s Day Alone?

You know what’s great about being alone on Valentine’s Day? There will be no lover’s spout, there will be know unfulfilled expectations, there will be no Russel Stover chocolate sampler that makes you wonder if he’s ever listened to a fucking word you said. Because fuck that chocolate. 
There will be you and your heart full of wonder and red lipstick. I recommend red lipstick, that equally sends a “come hither” and “back the fuck off” message to passersby

Leave your mark and wine and dine yourself in DUMBO

Wine and Small Plate(s) at Olympia Wine Bar

Because you don’t know if you want cheese or a few small plates or maybe something that requires more of a commitment. You don’t know and no one is sitting there waiting for you answer, asking if your parents are still together and if you’ve always had commitment problems. This charming wine bar let’s you sit and sip and nibble until your heart is content (which it has been all along.) 54 Jay St.

Leave Your (virtual) Mark with a Love Lantern

Have a wish you want to put out into the universe? Maybe a few things you realized you should have said too late? Or even a few grievances about your last lover? Download the new VR experience from DUMBO-based Juniper Jones that lets you hang a love lantern with a message all over iconic Washinton Street. Read the love notes of others, feel your heart get a little lighter, and feel alive knowing that his wonderous city is filled with so many people with so many stories and so many heartbeats. And the best thing about this project? Your selfish wishes aren’t going to weigh down some beautiful piece of architecture.

Celebrate No One to Hold You Back in Bushwick

Sit at the Bar at Roberta’s

Yes, Roberta’s is nearly impossible to get into, but the bar is first-come-first-serve and very low on the romance scale. Which means it’s primed and perfect for your solo ass to slide up and indulge in some of the best pies in the city. Which means in the world, because this is New York. Get two, save your leftovers, because, well, nothing is sexier than a stranger with Roberta’s to give away. 261 Moore St.

Find Love at House of Yes

Because going to a sex-positive discoteca with your lover really sucks, enjoy having the shackles removed and only voluntary restrains put upon you. House of Yes will be hosting their monthly fetish party this Friday which means really whatever you want it to mean. Live out your wildest fantasies or play a part in someone else’s, with consent. Choose your poison here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Hey Brooklyn. Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Looking for trouble in all the right places? Looking to have a really great weekend, regardless of your relationship status or which place on the Valentine’s is fun to FUCK HALLMARK spectrum? Then consider this the right place. Be mine, Brooklyn… for at least the next 72 hours. I’ve made plans for us.

THURSDAY

You still haven’t made Valentine’s Day plans? So you’re probably in the dog house. But try to throw something together quick, using my guide. QUICK.

Techno Speed Dating at Bossa Nova Civic Club in Bushwick

Ok so you’re not out of time yet to secure that Valentine’s Day date hook-up soul mate special someone. Head to techno speed dating and get the runaround out of the way. Attraction can be determined in a matter of seconds, so speed things up instead of mindlessly swiping. Also, don’t wear underwear. Just, you know. Because. Info here, 8pm, 1271 Myrtle Ave.

Valentine’s Day Trivia at Archestratus in Greenpoint

Valentine’s Day tends to bring up a LOT of questions. Where do we stand? Did you really think I liked roses? Why is our dinner reservation for 3? Do you want to move to Spain with me? Come answer some questions that you want to answer, and do it for points, at Archestratus tonight. It’s trivia night, and you love trivia, and today is a day devoted to love. Come alone or with a team of 4. Or a menage a trois. It’s all starting at 8pm and ends when you decide to go home together. Info here. 160 Huron St.

V-Day Glitterthon at Gutter Bar in Williamsburg

Go to this ironic event at the least glittery bar in Brooklyn, and also the only place in the US with a reported case of Ebola. YEAH. I know, I need to just forget about all of that but I CANT. We all have shared shoes there! And put our fingers in things! Anyway, celebrate Valentine’s Day and get your mind into the Gutter tonight, for the V-Day Glitterathon. They welcome Darkwing, Daddies, Low Anxiety, and Nevva and you and yours. 8pm-midnight, info here. 200 N 14th St.

FRIDAY

Foreplay and House of Love at House of Yes in Bushwick

Didn’t get enough lovin’ on Valentine’s Day? Honestly, no one should say yes to that. Yes, actually, I did. There’s always room for more. And there’s always more for you at House of Yes. This Friday is their monthly Foreplay and House of Love parties, and if you’re smart, you wn’t do one without the other. Foreplay is an interactive, seductive, and immersive performance that explores all the things that turn us on before our bodies are entwined. And the after party is, well. Just come prepared and in costume (they’re mandatory) Make your wildest dreams come true or act out someone else’s, with consent. Tickets and info here, 2 Wyckoff Ave.  

Young Hot Sluts: A Matchmaking Show at C’Mon Everybody in Bushwick

If this sign describes you, come to this amazing live matchmaking show at C’Mon Everybody Friday night. Host Carly Ann Filbin invites up the hottest, the singlest, and the readiest to mingle in Brooklyn to answer some damn seductive questions (such as, if you wanted morning sex, how would you initiate it?) live on stage. $10 advance tickets available here. It’s happening at 8pm, 325 Franklin Ave. Be there. Why come alone when you can come on everybody?

SATURDAY

Cityfox Live at Avant Gardner in Bushwick

There isn’t really a reason to consider any other party happening this Saturday night in Brooklyn. Cityfox has this amazing ability to amass the world’s best talent together under one roof at the massive, city-block wide experience that is Avant Gardner. This is your festival season warm-up. It’s an all night live electronic festival with over 15 amazing talents, 3 rooms, plus you and all of your best friends and future lovers. The party starts at 10pm and doesn’t stop until you do (basically…) Tickets and info here, 140 Stewart Ave.

Get the Pizza Sweats at Roberta’s in Bushwick

Get Hot at Roberta’s in Bushwick If there are two things New Yorker’s can agree on it’s that we have the best damn pizza in the entire world and that we all need to relax a little more. Come agree on both of these things this Saturday at Roberta’s. Hot Box mobile sauna has parked itself in their backyard, so you’ll have something to do while you wait for your pizza. Or, you’ll have something to eat while you wait for your schvitz. Or, just do both at the same time, naked. Book a spot here fast, because well… this is just so hot right now. 

Soul Summit at the new Dekalb Stage in Fort Greene

Remember when Brooklyn was the land of underground parties and grungey dance scenes and bad decisions with good intentions and most of your best love affairs? Well baby, it’s THROWBACK time on Saturday night. time for us to descend far, far below the luxury condos and post-Manhattanite bullshit and get down and dirty at the new Dekalb Stage. Yeah, it’s a dope underground venue and your ass wants to christen it. In whatever way you want to interpret that. The inaugural party is FREE with an rsvp. Do that here now, and I’ll see you there. 445 Albee Square West, underground.

SUNDAY

Tiki Disco at House of Yes in Bushwick

When your favorite party group and your favorite venue/family in Brooklyn get together, you go. And you dance. And you revel in the pure unadulterated joy that you live in a place where events like this exist. Tiki Disco hits House of Yes for their last indoor party of the season before we can all party under the moonlight with them all summer long. Besides tomorrow is president’s day. let’s show respect for that dick bag we have in office and be hungover as shit and completely worthless on Monday yet still somehow be more productive than he is. Tickets and info here, $15-20. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff  

The Mac and Cheese Takedown at Lot45 in Bushwick

Here is your ticket to get really fucking rowdy Saturday night. Why? Because there’s a Mac and Cheese bonanza happening at in Bushwick Sunday that will melt all of your hangover woes away. The Mac and Cheese Takedown is bringing us all the best macs from around town and they’ll fight it out to see who wins best. How will they be fighting, you ask? By throwing lots of elbows. (HAHAHAHA.) Tickets, $25 available here. It starts at 2pm, so basically right when you wake up and want to die. 411 Troutman St.

718 Sessions President’s Day Party at the Good Room in Greenpoint

It’s Presidents Day. Let’s celebrate all of the presidents that came before the absolute creme-filled disaster we have in office at the moment by getting drunk and planning a coup d’etat from within the fateful walls of the Good Room. Yeah. And let’s dance too. Because maybe some of you have jobs that will not make you work Monday. Actually who am I kidding, this is New York not some bank in the suburbs. Party Sunday anyway. 718 sessions will show you how. Tickets and info here, 98 Meserole St. 

It seems that the small rodent meteorological savant has graced us with a promising prediction this year, giving some hope to the grey skies and meager lives. Thanks to whoever remembered to send him a fruit basket this year. Let’s all now embrace what will hopefully only be two more weeks of winter, and let’s start this weekend. Love is in the air, and on the ground, and between the sheets, and in all of the dark corners of every bar just waiting for you. Get out there and get some.

THURSDAY

Moon Void Tarot Reading at Line & Label in Greenpoint

See what’s on the cards for you this Thursday at Line and Label. Maybe it’s love and lust. Maybe it’s a rad new outfit and a little future-facing confidence so then you can go out in search of love and lust, and find more than you asked for. It all starts on Manhattan Ave at Line + Label, the most charming and cosmic little shop in town. Tarot readings are complimentary and also perhaps highlight your good qualities, and your new duds are a la carte. Info here, 4-8pm, 568 Manhattan Ave.

Korean Cooking Class and Family Style Dinner at Archestratus in Greenpoint

What happens when you combine a charming cookbook store with a perfect cafe hidden in the back? The cookbooks open up and the authors/chefs jump out and teach you how to cook, right from the pages of their books, and then they feed you the food around a big familial table. So in other words, magic happens. See it and taste it happening this Thursday at Archestratus books, this week conjuring up Sohui Kim of the Korean Home Cooking. Tickets are still available for $55 right here. The event goes from 7-10pm at 160 Huron St.

FRIDAY

It’s Friday, I’m (not) In Love Party at Littlefield, Gowanus.

Valentine’s Day is annoying. There’s nothing worse than receiving a dozen red roses and a Rossell Stover’s sampler from your “person” on February 14th and wondering if he’s ever listened to a fucking word you’re saying. Valentine’s Day is not real. Heartbreak is real. Ghosting is real (and effective!) Making love in the bathroom is real. Celebrate real love or the lack there of this Friday night at Littlefield. Wear all black, prizes for creativity. $6-10. all info here. 635 Sackett St.

Shorts Festival at Alamo Drafthouse in Downtown Brooklyn

Oscar’s Sunday is coming up, and while I do recommend at least seeing all of the films nominated for Best Picture this year, that will take a while. Friday night come see all of the shorts, animated and live (taped!) action at Alamo Drafthouse. They’ll be showing the animated shorts at 7:20 and the regular shorts at 9pm. Wear jorts, get a free beer. Tickets and info here. 445 Albee Square West. #jortsforshorts

Mysteries of the Deep Sound Bath at Magic City in Greenpoint

What the hell is a sound bath? Don’t ask, dive into the Mysteries of the Deep Sound and be immersed by this multi-sensory experience on one of the best and most invasive sound systems in this city. They’ll partner up with Mysteries of the Deep and fill the space and the hearts within it Friday night. Leave feeling refreshed, revived, displaced and exactly where you should be. Tickets available here. 37 Box St.

SATURDAY

Brooklyn Wine Fest at the Brooklyn Expo Center in Greenpoint

Don’t let Tuesday’s balmy winter fool you. It’s the dead of Winter, folks. Let’s drink accordingly. It’s time we all say no way to rose and hola to rioja and kick our day drinking into high fucking gear. Come practice this Saturday at the Expo Center’s Winter Wine Fest. 2 sessions, 80 wineries, 11 countries, and 7 food vendors (come on, you know what you’re there for…) buy tickets here and go get your pretty little day drunk on. $70, or those of us not going, this place is basically a giant glass box. Spectator tickets are free. Sneak a peek on your way to the Diamond, a much better place to drink all you want!. 72 Noble st. 

True Romance Living Installation by Michael Alan and Jadda Cat in Bushwick

Experience True Romance in Bushwick. No, for real. The film. The only thing wilder than the love story that unfolds onscreen between Alabama and Clarence is how it will unfold on stage between visionaries Michael Alan and Jadda Cat. I have no idea how they will pull this off but I know you don’t want to miss it. Be there, feel the romance. Or at least feel alive. Tickets, $20 available here. 8pm-midnight, address provided with confirmation of ticket purchase. 

The Lot Radio Three Year Anniversary Party at Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint

I remember it like it was yesterday, biking past that triangle-shaped plot of land on Berry St, wondering who lived in that trailer, trying to catch a glimpse of this audacious urban squatter. While I never got any answers, what I did get was something completely unexpected. An industrial container running within it a coffee stand and bar and radio station, and a hammock, a smattering of pink flamingos and the best use of micro urban islands I’ve ever experienced. This magical wonderland turns three this weekend, so let’s celebrate. They take over all 5 rooms of the Brooklyn Bazaar and fill them with their regular djs and friends. Come dance all night. Tickets, $20-30 are going fast. Get yours here now. 7pm-6am, 150 Greenpoint ave.

Miami Vice Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

Boogie it back to the 80s in intrepid style Saturday night at the Miami Vice party at House of Yes. Forget all about the cold outside and come in for a night embracing seedy motels and fierce spandex, hot nights and white powder beaches and bitches. Dress for the theme, which means that tacky stripper getup you wore for a regular night out in August can come back out of your underwear drawer. Free before 11pm with RSVP or $30, right here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Secrets of Outer Space at Film Noir Cinema in Greenpoint

Space out this Saturday night and get really, really dark at Film Noir Cinema. They’ll be showing the top ten short films about the secrets of outer space from an international competition of over 200 submissions. Tickets are only $15. Get yours here now, space is limited. 9-11:30pm, 122 Meserole St.

Enthusiastic Dad’s Winter Formal at the Springs in Greenpoint

Relive prom but have a better date and no braces and selectively better taste in fashion and a higher tolerance for alcohol but that same damn desire for mischief that you can’t seem to shake. Do it all at the Enthusiastic Dad’s Winter Formal at the Springs. $65 open bar all night, with Zima and wine coolers and Four Loco (somehow? I thought those were outlawed?) and other drinks too. Plus an awkward photo booth and all those songs you didn’t like dancing too back then. Throwback attire encouraged. Tickets available here, 10pm-2am, 22 Franklin St.

SUNDAY

Greenpointers Vintage Rose Market at the Greenpoint Loft

Oh you know what this is. It’s the amazing, lovable Valentine’s market that Greenpointers throws every year. Amazing artisans, food, drinks, tunes, free poetry, massages, a hell of a great view and a big silly guy dressed in a cupid diaper doing some of the best freestyling I’ve ever heard. Come with the intention to buy gifts, stay for everything I’ve just mentioned. Get a little tipsy (two free drinks sponsored by Cinch when you download their app!) then buy something you’ll have a fun time explaining to your lover on Friday. all info here, get on it. get it on. 67 West St.

The Hustle Disco Brunch at the Hoxton in Williamsburg

If you haven’t heard, people who work in the restaurant industry absolutely hate brunch. Why? Read more here. It seems to be a difficult enough task for people to put on pants and walk out of the house and figure out how to verbalize “um, over medium?” followed by,”is the bacon… good?” and “oh wait, there’s avocado toast! wow! um, ok wait i’m not ready, you go.” These people need a fucking challenge. Enter disco balls and disco djs, disco fries and disco tunes. Try deciding between potatoes and a side salad with all of THAT. Make brunch an event, not an accident. Info here, noon-4pm at the Hoxton, 97 Wythe Ave.

Tie Dye Workshop at Strong Rope Brewery in Red Hook

Don’t dingey whites just make you want to dye? And drink beer? Cool Bring those dirty duds and breathe new life into them and new beers into your body at this Sunday’s tie-dye event at Strong Rope Brewery. Turn those laundry-day undies into date-night undies and let the sins of lovers’ past dye into fresh start sheets. And have some brewed-on-site beers to help you wash everything down and away. $30 gets you all the materials you need, plus a beer! 2pm at 574 President St.

All my love,

<3L.

Show your Love in North Brooklyn

Cocktails at Ramona in Greenpoint

Dinner and Music at St. Mazie in Williamsburg

Dinner and Music at Le Fanfare

Drinks and Comedy at Threes Brewing in Greenpoint

Show your love in East Brooklyn

Cocktails at Yours Sincerely in Bushwick

Dinner at Le Garage in Bushwick

Little Cinema at House of Yes in Bushwick

Music and Dancing at Rose Gold beneath Cape House in Bushwick

For your leading lady.

Rose Gold, anything.

Brooklyn to Mars, by Markus Almond

A Handmade Dream Catcher

The Wild Unknown Tarot

we’ve been fighting, brooklyn. fighting to live, fighting to survive, fighting to navigate this concrete jungle we landed our vicious hearts into, fighting stubborn landlord tyrants who have somehow been placed in positions of great power in this city. fighting.

and all of this fighting, of course, is from the intense and immense free-flowing love we have abounding from our hearts, moving our feet, stimulating our minds, helping us come up with really charming slogans for our blogs. and as love fearlessly and relentlessly trumps hate, let’s use this weekend of love to make a difference, to see a difference, to insight a difference and of course to simply make love. revel with a cause, brooklyn. and love with a purpose (not a porpoise) and make love, be love, spread love…

it’s the brooklyn way.

ALL WEEKEND

Grand Street Restaurant Week, WIlliamsburg

ah, restaurant week in new york. highly anticipating and seemingly a great way to have a new experience for a great value! and then you get there and it’s overrun and the food blows and everyone is on top of each other and you order too many drinks to deal with your frustration and then you’re paying way way more than anticipated for a mediocre experience. which i guess is also exactly what it’s like living in manhattan. let’s just do this ish our own way. it’s grand st restaurant week, and just as every time you’ve ever subbed one experience for another across the river, it will be so much grander. 12 amazing restaurants, it’s happenign through the 12th. all info you need is here, including menus! along grand st. 

Matthew E White and Flo Morrissey at Baby’s All Right, Brooklyn. 

it is so so easy to share the love of your hometown when your hometown has as much amazing musical talent as richmond does. lucy dacus, dj williams projekt, no BS brass band and of course gwar… and the gem that is matthew e white. his mix of soulful gospel funk digs deep down into your soul and settles there, slightly familiar and engaged. see him play along with flo morrissey at baby’s all right thursday night. all info here, 146 broadway. at baby’s all right – make baby’s all right again

FRIDAY

Prom 2017 at The Gutter, in that gray area between Greenpoint and Williamsburg.

ah, prom! that night of really bad fashion choices, really bad vodka that was hidden indiscreetly in water bottles and chugged in the back of someone’s jeep and immediately followed by really bad dance moves and really bad sex. let’s redo it, eh? ok maybe not the outfits or the cheap vodka but definitely the mediocre love-making. we deserve more, and more, and then more. don’t you tell me to get my head out of the gutter, until you get your head into it. 8pm-midnight, $5. all proceeds go to benefit the ACLU, so we’re already doing much better  4 bands play all night, the rizzos, dentist, the mad doctors, and sirs&madams. all info here, BYOcorsage, and then stick it in someone. baby. everything you need to know is here. 200 N 14th st.

 

 

It’s Friday, I’m (not) In Love Party at Littlefield, Gowanus.

you know the best way not to get a little love on valentine’s weekend? it’s to bitch about love. instead, open your hearts and your lips baby. and come to this, “it’s friday i’m not in love” anti-valentine’s day party and change that little opinion of yours. have some drinks, get loose. dance up on a stranger. make love in the bathroom. i don’t care how you do it, just quit your bitchin. also there’s a photo booth. wear all black, prizes for creativity. $6-10. all info here. 622 degraw st.

Planned Parenthood Danceathon at the Knockdown Center in Astoria.

WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE! our bodies, that is. they are temples and there are so many rad ways to celebrate and demonstrate.  so this weekend. revel with a cause baby, knock ‘em down, dance it out. at the planned parenthood danceathon at the knockdown center. 9pm-2am, all info here. 52-19 flushing ave.

 

 

El Imperio plays at Threes Brewing, Gowanus.

so it was just threes birthday and we all missed it. yeah. but that’s ok because we can go and celebrate and dance and groove saturday night to el imperio, who will be mixing a rather intoxicating blend of afrobeat, latin, soul and rock to layer over the already intoxicating brews overflowing with love from every oraphus at threes. and by oraphus i mean tap. and your pores as you sweat on the dance floor. drink up and absorb. the event is free, 8-11pm, all info here. 333 douglass st. at threes brewing- i’ll try anything thrice.

 Anti-Valentine’s Day Party at the Mccarren Park Hotel, Williamsburg.

SUNDAY

Greenpointers Valentine’s Day Market, in Greenpoint!

Mama’s Bazaar Valentine’s Market at House of Yes, Bushwick.

<3L.

For your leading lady.

a handmade dream catcher

the wild unknown tarot

pablo neruda’s love poems

stamp on passport

 

For the man in your life.

an engraved compass.

a little bear bottle opener.

lingerie. of any kind.

deer antlers

 

For the woman you can’t live without both because she’s your best friend, partner in crime, and pseudo (or real) lesbian lover, and also because of course she knows too much.

a sassy little ring holder (and something upon it)

simple, elegant, charming, these ring holders become a simple and unassuming little center of attention. slip a little something extra on it from brooklyn’s jewelry mavens at catbird, animal ring holders at burson and reynolds, in greenpoint. 649 manhattan ave.

tom dixon copper coffee collection.

<3L.

 

4 a sassy little ring holder (and something upon it)

simple, elegant, charming, these ring holders become a simple and unassuming little center of attention. slip a little something extra on it from brooklyn’s jewelry mavens at catbird, animal ring holders at burson and reynolds, 649 manhattan ave, greenpoint.

6 tom dixon copper coffee collection.

<3L.