City love. It’s visceral. It’s irrepressible. It’s all around us because let’s face it, such is life here. There is no privacy, there is no retreat. And we find that we are all searching for it, that city love. We are all, always, on the prowl. Where is it. Who is he. What’s she like. Could that be for me? 

City love. It’s elusive. It overtakes us, it displaces us. It forces us to pause indefinitely because of train traffic ahead of us. It’s public embraces, it’s the single silhouette of two, in the glow of any apartment on any street in any neighborhood.  And some day, it will cause you to find yourself crying by yourself, among strangers, on the subway.

City love. It can be yours, they say, if you stop looking for it and instead, start doing what you love. That’s what it said on a card that I have kept on my desk for 8 years and 7 job changes and admittedly, at least 12 fairly serious relationships.

So, stop looking for it. And start doing all of the amazing things that will convince you that the city is yours; that you are in the right place, at the right time.

I can show you how. 

Munchies Cookbook Club at Archestratus in Greenpoint

Get the munchies with your friends this Thursday night at Archetratus. It’s their monthly cookbook club meeting, which is basically a themed potluck dinner that centers around a different cookbook each time. This week’s we’ll all be cooking up something special from the Munchies Guide to Dinner, so you know it will be delicious and fun and better than whatever you were thinking about cooking tonight. So cook and then come and make sure you put that trusty little piece of masking tape with your name on it on the bottom of your dish; potluckers have notoriously sticky fingers. (I’m kidding, but my mom definitely didn’t trust anyone at my church growing up) Info here. 7-9pm, 160 Huron St.

Tell Two Trees where to put their Two Towers at this meeting in Williamsburg

Hey. Have you been to Domino Park recently? Have you seen that massive, interactive mural they installed to distract us from the fact that they are throwing up massive skyscrapers with no hesitation as to who the hell will move into the mostly vacant skyscrapers that are already there, nor the very necessary need for additional infrastructure to support these overwhelming structures? Well, the lovely people at Two Trees (you know, the guys that Scabby likes to follow around) will be holding a meeting to introduce us to their tower proposal, which, for the record, we simply don’t need. Let’s tell them that. RSVP here, it’s happening from 6:30-8:30pm at 240 Kent Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

There’s almost no reason you shouldn’t be doing all of the things I’ve already perfectly planned for you this Friday night right here, in my 2020 Valentine’s Day Guide…

Unless of course, you have some weird fetish that you can no longer contain…

Fetish Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

Hey listen, I get it. You’re into some weird shit, sexually. And in case you feel like Valentine’s Day dinner isn’t the place to bring it up, just wear your latex under your dress and bring your spiked collar and convince your date to head to House of Yes afterward… or just go without him. Because you can’t, and don’t have to, contain your true desires any longer. Tickets and info here. Costumes required.  10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Or you just really hate Valentine’s Day. 

It’s Friday, I’m (not) In Love Party at Littlefield, Gowanus

Valentine’s Day is annoying. There’s nothing worse than receiving a dozen red roses and a Russell Stover’s sampler from your “person” on February 14th and wondering if he’s ever listened to a fucking word you’re saying. Valentine’s Day is not real. Heartbreak is real. Ghosting is real (and effective!) Making love in the bathroom is real. Celebrate real love or the lack thereof this Friday night at Littlefield. Wear all black, prizes for creativity. $6-10, party starts at 10:30pm. all info here. 635 Sackett St.

Makossa joins Almost Too Much at Magick City in Greenpoint

What happens to your favorite cookout party group in the wintertime? Do they hibernate? Does the glow of the coals turn a cold, frosty grey? Does anything get shoved between their buns at all? Come and find all of the magickal answers to those questions this Friday night at Magick City. Makossa will be bringing the summer party indoors and partnering with Almost Too Much to throw an amazing dance party, all night. Stop by Le Fanfare first for a custom cocktail made by yours truly (ps I use “custom” quite loosely here). Tickets and info here. 11pm-4am at 37 Box St.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

Phil Collins Day at Greenpoint Beer and Ale

Things that Greenpoint loves- Phil Collins, locally-brewed beer, and long-awaited openings. Come and celebrate all of these things at the same time this Saturday! It’s Phil Collins Day at the FINALLY open Greenpoint Beer and Ale. They’ll have a live cover band, tons of records and memorabilia, and raffle prizes. Confused about why Greenpoint loves Phil so much? After Brooklyn claimed an official Day after the beloved singer in 2011, Greenpoint parade on this day through the neighborhood, complete with a live, marching cover band. And Greenpoint Ale is just trying to bring that spirit back. Come, help. It’s free and starts at 3pm. Info here. 1150 Manhattan Ave.

Nasty Baby Strip Club Takeover by House of Yes in Midtown West

Because I swear me and the writer over at House of Yes share the same voice, I’ll just let them take it from here: Valentine’s Weekend is upon us, which means expensive dinners, cheesy gifts, and underwhelming sex. Instead, invest your money into something of real value: STRIPPERS. Nasty Baby returns on Saturday February 15 – our infamous strip club takeover where we remodel a manhattan strip club into everything a strict club should be: inclusive, sex-positive, gender-fluid, sex-worker affirming, flesh-filled utopia.

Go. Dance. Celebrate nudity. Tickets and info here. This party is NOT at House of Yes- it’s at 603 W. 45th St, which makes it your only #reasontocrosstheriverthisweekend

The Last Dance Party at Humboldt & Jackson in Williamsburg

It’s so sad when great places close in this town, but I must say, this one is especially bittersweet. Our wonderful friends at H&J will be turning their amazing space over to the Meat Hook to give them their first-ever stand-alone restaurant, which means only good, meaty things to come in the future. But go down with the ship in style this Sunday night with their “Save the Last Dance” Dance Party. It’s free and it’s fun it deserves you to pay it some funky homage before it leaves us. Info here. 434 Humboldt St.

Grand Street Restaurant Week, Williamsburg

Ah, restaurant week in New York- a highly anticipated and seemingly a great way to have a new experience for a great value! …And then you get there and it’s overrun with people who don’t know how to dine out and the food lets you down and everyone is on top of each other and you order too many drinks to deal with your frustration and then you’re paying way way more than anticipated for a mediocre experience… which I guess is also exactly what it’s like to live in Manhattan. Let’s just do this shit our own way. It’s Grand Street Restaurant Week, and just as every time you’ve ever subbed one experience for another across the river, it will be so much grander on our side. 15 amazing restaurants, it starts on TUESDAY but get your reservations in now. all info you need is here, including menus! Along Grand St. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Tiki Disco at House of Yes in Bushwick

When your favorite party group and your favorite venue/family in Brooklyn get together, you go. And you dance. And you revel in the pure unadulterated joy that you live in a place where events like this exist. Tiki Disco hits House of Yes for their last indoor party of the season before we can all party under the moonlight with them all summer long. Besides, Monday is “President’s Day.” Let’s show respect for that dick bag we have in office and be hungover as shit and completely worthless and still somehow be more productive than he is. Tickets and info here, $15-20. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave. 

Mouse Taxidermy at Quimby’s Bookstore in Williamsburg

God bless you, Brooklyn. This weekend marks the return of one of my favorite events of all time- that’s right folks, it’s mouse taxidermy! Our best chance this weekend to reduce that frightening 3:1 rodent to human ration in this city (no joke, you’re never more than 20 feet from one…) (GAHHHHHHH.) In the back of the always charming and quirky Quimby’s bookstore this Sunday, you’ll be led through a beginner’s taxidermy course led by Daisy Tainton, who worked at the Museum of Natural History for over a decade and promises she’s handled a lot nastier shit than dead mice during her career. So go, shake her hand, and leave with your own little mousey sculpture (props available!) Also, I can’t completely confirm this, but in the past she’s offered an extra mouse head for an additional $50. So bring $50 just in case. All info here. Also bring your cat. Show him you really are on his side. 536 Metropolitan Ave.

Hotbox Mobile Sauna Pop-Up in Bushwick

Was your red-hot weekend of love a little lukewarm this year? Don’t fret it, baby… sweat it. Our favorite little hot box will be opening its doors (but you know, just like for a quick moment each time) this Sunday so you can get hot with some strangers. Hot Box is a traveling sauna and it’s guaranteed to cure those winter blues and the chill in your bones and potentially the loneliness in your heart. Reserve your spot here, and maybe just hold onto your sauna hat unless you see other people wearing them. 2-6pm. 26 Vandervoort Pl.

Oh. Hey there Brooklyn. It’s me, your old pal. Your partner in crime. Your fearless leader. Your guide. And I’m back, doing that thing I’ve been doing for nearly 6 years now- helping you fall in love with the city, one weekend at a time. So scroll down and get going. It’s all out there, waiting for you.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Build a Boob Workshop at Happy Creative Dig in Williamsburg

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty bummed that I never learned to cross-stitch from my grandma… because oh, all the clever gift ideas I could easily cross off my list. There’s still time to learn, and no better way to do it than this build-a-boob charity workshop at Happy Creative Dig. You’ll learn to embroider a set of boobies onto a cap (and after that, really, onto anything) that you can either keep or give to a breast cancer survivor. A portion of the proceeds of the event will go to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, and the event is BYOB, so go and #revelwithacause . Tickets are $48 and include supplies. Get yours here now. 7-9:30pm at 265 S. 1st St, #1H.

Spoons Tunes and Booze After Dark Valentine’s at Nitehawk Cinema in Prospect Park

Because the best way to lure her into having breakfast at your place in the morning, is to have breakfast with her at night, in a dark theater, watching semi-erotic cartoons and not having anyone demand a hand-check. Yep, that’s right. It’s a special late-night edition of Spoons and Tunes at Nitehawk in Prospect Park. They’ll be showing some special love-themed cartoons and throwing in some trivia with drinkable prizes. Come early for happy hour at their upstairs bar. Tickets and info here. Happy hour starts at 8pm. 188 Prospect Park West.

Behind the Scenes at the City Reliquary Museum in Williamsburg

There is so much more to this city than what meets the eye, and let’s face it- a lot meets the eye. And nose. And ears. And mouth. Bring all of those senses to this special, behind-the-scenes tour at City Reliquary, the city’s only community-owned museum and one of the coolest collections of New York’s fascinating history, through artifacts, ephemera, relics, and castoffs. You’ll get an after-hours tour and a look at the special collection that’s hidden from the public. Plus, free beer! Get your ticket here now. 6:30-8:30pm, 370 Metropolitan Ave.

Things to Do in Brooklyn on Friday

Dinner at The Four Horsemen and then make some Night Moves, in Williamsburg

The experience at Four Horsemen has far surpassed the fading glory that LCD frontman James Murphy is behind the whole operation. Case in point, their recent Michelin star and the fact that their Saturday, menu-less 4-course lunch is still one of the best meals I’ve had in this town. However, the fact that Murphy is behind its new neighboring night club and concert hall does in fact make it cool. So cool that apparently you have to be on a list to get in. I’m commissioning you, dear reader, to go. Have dinner. Get some inside info. Get your ass into that club with a +1. And then, call me. I want to make some night moves with you. Four Horsemen is located at 295 Grant St.

Dance Yourself Clean at Baby’s All Right in Williamsburg

Still can’t get into Night Moves but have plenty of groove in your body you need to get out, somewhere, somehow? Head to this monthly LCD-Soundsytem inspired dance party and dance yourself clean and then dirty and then clean again and into a state where personal hygiene is relative and Daft Punk is playing at your house. Yeah. Take that, James Murphy. Get your $10 ticket right here, no list required. Party starts at 11pm and doesn’t stop until you stop. 146 Broadway.

Dinner and an Oscar-Nominated Film in Carroll Gardens

If you didn’t know, this Sunday is the Oscars. Which means this weekend is your last chance to see as many best picture nominees as you can to be able to carry a decent conversation at the Oscars party you’ll be attending this Sunday. The good news is, BAM is here to help. They’re still showing Parasite, 1917, and Little Women, plus the animated shorts and action shorts, all in theater. Get a ticket and grab dinner at La Vara before the film, because it’s the best Spanish food in New York. Then grab beers at Threes Brewing after the show. There you go. BAM- Friday, planned. BAM is at 321 Ashland Place.

See the New Art Installation and Eat Tacos in Domino Park in Williamsburg

It’s going to be 69 degrees on Friday. Which is a bit unnerving, but should still be celebrated accordingly. Head to Domino Park to check out this amazing new art installation made entirely of shipping containers, and the mural attached to it that chronicles life in New York, and brings you into the scene through an interactive app that allows you to point your phone at a face in the mural and hear a story about any of the 1000 New Yorkers depicted. Then get tacos at Tacocina and a can of beer and strike up a conversation about all of the industrious ideas and movements that happened over time so that you can be sitting there, overlooking the skyline and eating tacos. Because this city is pretty damn amazing, and so are those tacos. The park is located at 300 Kent Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

St. Agrestis and Greenhook Ginsmiths Tasting Room is Now Open in Greenpoint

Do you know what makes Greenpoint the best damn neighborhood in Brooklyn? Ok, ok, other than Temkin’s…and Bernie’s… and Transmitter Park, and whomever that too-cool girl behind the bar at Le Fanfare is… what makes it great is because we have two amazing distilleries here, turning a formerly industrious area of land into a neighborhood of makers again, and inevitably, they collaborate often. Such collaboration just occurred between Greenhook Ginsmiths and St. Agrestis Bitters to bring us a charming little Negroni tasting room. Come and taste the magic that these spirited makers are pouring, stirring, and straining into a glass for your enjoyment. For now, the tasting room is only open to the public on Saturdays and Sundays, which is nothing to be bitter about. Just go this weekend. Info here. 1-4pm, 233 Eagle St.

Lunar Love at House of Yes in Bushwick

Because February is the month of love and it’s widely known that our beloved moon controls our libidos and therefore, when it’s full, we should go out and celebrate beneath its seductive light, howling and dancing and falling in love again and again. And we should do it this Saturday at House of Yes. They’ll be celebrating the February full moon all night and to the fullest along with DJ Sander Kleinenberg. Costumes are strongly encouraged, so make yourself into a seductive, cosmic little dance machine and get your tickets here now. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Quiet City Film Festival at Film Noir Cinema in Greenpoint

The Quiet City Film Festival returns again to Film Noir to bring you a night of definitively un-quiet performances. This group of artists composers, and filmmakers will take the stage and the screen to create performances that highlights the delicate relationship between filmmaker and composer and will challenge your musical expectations. And they’re doing it all in a charming little antique theater in Greenpoint, then will be tearing the house down at the after part at Lake Street. Reserve your seat here. 7-9pm, 122 Meserole St.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

There are only two things you should be doing this Sunday- buying sexy, locally-made gifts for your lover and watching the Oscar’s, with friends. I’ll tell you the best places to do all of it, in style, below.

House of Love Market at House of Yes in Bushwick

Of course, our favorite party palace and the only warehouse space in Bushwick that makes us say Yes! Yes! YES! every time we get inside it, is having a Love Market this Sunday to help solve all of your gift-giving and self-loving needs. Sexy, smutty, playful, and powerful gifts that celebrate the love you have or the lust you want. Toys, tantalizing art, lace, leather, latex, lingerie… which means you also no longer have to worry about what you’ll wear to their monthly House of Love parties. Full bar open all day. Info here. Noon-6pm, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Greenpointers Love Grows Market at the Greenpoint Loft

Nothing says “I love you” like saying, “I love supporting the neighborhood we live in.” Shopping local is sexy. Showing you care about where your gifts are sourced and who they are made by is seductive. And spending the day with your lover at this romantic little market is sure to improve your sex life. Go and peruse 60+ vendors, plus enjoy massages, tarot readings, henna, face painting, and a visit from the Wizard of Greenpoint (it’s gotta be that guy from the tie-dye place on Manhattan Ave, right?) Anyway, go. Info here. 1-7pm, 67 West St.

Academy Awards Party at Litlefield in Gowanus

This is the ultimate Oscars party in Brooklyn. Littlefield knows what you want. You want to celebrate the Oscars in true Hollywood style and not be made fun of for it. You want to fill out a ballot and compete for prizes. You want to be so full of champagne and popcorn at the end of the night that that you just bubbly-pop your way back home. And you want somebody to ask you who you’re fucking wearing and let you answer proudly into a microphone. This is that party. Red carpet, photo booth, fashionista interviews, ballot contest, free popcorn, themed drink specials, and tacos… because, why not. Free to attend, RSVP for a free glass of champagne on top of everything else. Do that here. 6pm-it’s over. 635 Sackett St.

Oscars Party at Old Man Hustle in Williamsburg

I am still morning the loss of Videology… but Old Man Hustle has shuffled its way into my heart and through the doors of the space to bring us a comedy club, event space, and damn inviting little bar that will have you not forgetting, but remembering fondly all the good times. And this Sunday they want you to have more good times at their Oscar viewing party. That charming little theater in the back will be showing the awards on the big screen. Come. Drink. Have popcorn. Make up silly acceptance speeches every time the bartender hands you a drink. Get in the spirit, baby. Info here. It’s happening from 7-11pm at 308 Bedford Ave.

I suppose I understand why young(ish) people right now are making an effort to dismiss the consumption of alcohol and would prefer a cozy cup of hot cocoa to an Old Fashioned any day. But, call me old fashioned… and, well, most of my friends as well, because we all appreciate a healthy dose of inebriation, especially around the holidays.

I paid a visit to local spirit aficionado Patrick Dacy, owner of Duke’s Liquor Box in Greenpoint, to get some advice on spirited gift-giving this year, and a little background as to what brought his magical little shop to the neighborhood.

The warmth we felt walking into Duke’s wasn’t just from the hopeful taste of some of these warming spirits, but inevitably from Patrick himself. He’s not just a spirit enthusiast, but also a natural storyteller. The very first question I asked led to a 15-minute explanation that included elements of neighborhood history, post-prohibition spirit distillation, and the true life cycle of farming. Stopping himself, Patrick smiled shyly and said, “Sorry, that was a really long answer to ‘why a spirit shop…’”

However, the richness of his storytelling blended all of the right elements into what would become a cocktail of a story that was just what my writer/bartender heart was seeking.

I’ll shake it up and pour it all out for you below, along with Patrick’s top gift picks this season.

This city is littered with discount liquor stores, but Greenpoint wasn’t always that way. About 10 years ago Patrick realized that there wasn’t anywhere in the neighborhood to get a decent bottle of tequila or mezcal, especially from someone who cared about what you wanted to sip on. He and his wife had a small general store on Franklin Street and were one of only 4 businesses in what is now the neighborhood’s main shopping district. A space became available beside the shop, and at that point they realized that they felt the spirits calling them to use the space to open a different type of liquor store.

This was not only because of the noticeable lack of decent bottles in the neighborhood, but also because the timing felt right. Patrick predicted the wave of craft distillers in the city and country once New York finally opened up its archaic licensing laws. “There’s no reason why distilling laws should have been so prohibitive at the time,” Patrick told us. “Distilling used to be a big part of the farming cycle of life. Farm with grain, turn it into beer, then distill into whiskey, and all the ‘waste’ goes back into the ground to start again.”

His passion for small distilleries and for making a personal connection with makers is evident as soon as you step into his shop. Duke’s Liquor Box is still the only store in the city that refuses to buy from any of the big distributors, and as such, each bottle comes with a story. The result is a well-curated bottle selection and a staff who cares about and believes in the spirits they sell. 

A little over a year ago, Duke’s moved to a larger space down the street, and now has expanded their collection to include a backroom with mostly natural wines… which means you can easily find something for everyone on your list there. 

So give them a gift that will make your friends completely forget about Dry January. Or, bring a few bottles and stir up some cocktails at your next holiday party. Read on for Patrick’s standout picks for the holidays and stay thirsty, Brooklyn.

Flor del Desierto Sotol

If you’re unfamiliar with the pechuga method of distilling mezcal, the most important thing you need to know is that it is a very celebratory and sacred process, and is believed to infuse the spirit with the soul of an animal. How do they do this? By taking the heart and chest area of said animal (the “pechuga”), hanging it up in the still, and allowing the gas from the spirit pass through it, again and again, during the distilling process. The results are a rich, slightly gamey, and noticeably fuller spirit. Pechugas are commonly poultry but vary depending on what’s available around the farm at the time. This bottle in particular used the pechuga of a rattlesnake, which is just about the most badass thing I’ve ever heard.

Get this bottle for your boldest (and probably non-vegan) friend, and be there when they open it. 

Agave Fortaleza

For a shop that has always been known for its collection of Agave, make sure you spend some time in this section. Let Patrick expand your mind beyond salty shots and syrupy margaritas, so that then you can enhance the palette and appreciation of your friends. His favorite choice this season is from Fortaleza, a 3rd generation agave makers from the original Sauza family. Their special winter blend is a delicate mix of anejo and reposado and its rich flavor profile demands it to be sipped on like brandy, not shot or mixed. So tell your friends to grow up in the most delicate way possible, with a bottle of this small-batch agave.

Edinburgh Christmas Blend

It was the three wise men who were said to bring Jesus the gifts of frankincense and myrrh, mystical essential oils fit for a king. And while you may not have anyone on your list who reminds you of Jesus, or really anyone very wholesome at all, you can still be the wisest person at the party with this fancy bottle of Gin. Edinburgh infuses their Christmas blend with frankincense and myrrh, making this warming and aromatic spirit a perfectly seasonal yet unexpected edition to any liquor cabinet. Patrick suggests blending in equal parts with a spice-forward vermouth like La Quintinye, and Sirene Elisir del Lago (in place of Campari) for a bold, spicy, holiday Negroni. 

For the holidays, Duke’s will also throw in a free mixing glass and cocktail stirrer with the purchase of three bottles so you can show off your own skills or show your friends the ropes. And as always, they offer free gift wrapping in their ironically iconic Bellevue Meat Market butcher paper. 
Need some additional inspiration? Read my guide here to my favorite holiday cocktails, and stir up something nice this season.

Duke’s Liquor Box is located at 114 Franklin St. Follow them here for daily inspiration and stop in for inebriation and more than a few messages-in-a-bottle.

The weekend guide is ready and waiting to provide you with everything you need to leave your mark on the city this weekend.

Which actually I’ve found only requires a can of spray paint, a bike, and an overall nonchalance toward crime and punishment… BUT check out all the other ways to, right here, right now. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on THURSDAY

Blackout Cake Decorating at Ovenly’s New Studio ONE54 in Greenpoint

Learn how to make your blackout look pretty and sweeten up your Thursday night with Ovenly, at their new fancy baking studio on Franklin. You’ll be learning directly from Ovenly’s amazing in-house instructor all the fundamentals of cake decorating (specifically on their famous blackout cake), plus go home with some Ovenly treats and tricks to make your at-home blackout (cake) look a hell of a lot fancier. Tickets, $105 available here. Space is extremely limited at this intimate space, but that’s how you want it. 154 Franklin St. 

Opening Day at Citifield in Flushing, Queens

It’s opening day!! Let’s go Mets! Head to Citifield to check out their massive beer garden and sample all 60 beers, eat all of the hot dogs plus all the best food in baseball, cheer on the Mets. Then call me and I will sing you a little song I made up in a dream once about the Mets (really, I did and really, I will). Get tickets here.

Thirst Trap with Anya Volz at C’mon Everybody in Bushwick

Hey. You like to laugh, right? And that may seem tough to do in a city of aspiring comedians and less-than-funny comedy shows… which is why you find a voice you trust (me, haha!) (I know that wasn’t funny.) who finds a comedian she trusts to create an amazing series for you to fall into. Thirst Trap is the monthly series that cleverly combines comedic games based on current events, pop culture, and the necessary evil of social media. She’s one of the freshest voices in comedy and will corral a cast of characters each month that will not disappoint. Be there tonight, and monthly. It starts at 9pm. Info here, 325 Franklin Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on FRIDAY

The Future Is Female, a night of Sci-Fi Short Films directed by women at Nitehawk in Williamsburg

Take a look into an alternate universe, one where equal wages are a thing and the #metoo movement has led to sweeping social changes and being a woman isn’t a sign of weakness. A universe we’re hopefully barreling towards at the speed of light. Get a look at just how wondrous it will be at the Future is Female Festival this Friday at Nitehawk in partnership with DUST. A festival of sci-fi shorts all directed by women. Proceeds benefiting Women Make Movies and their continued support of female filmmakers, so go #revelwithacause. Get your tickets here now. Note- this is happening FRIDAY at midnight, so arrive Thursday at 11:45pm. 136 Metropolitan Ave.

Almost Too Much Dance Party at Magick City in Greenpoint

Come dance your little heart our in a warehouse/party space/kombucha factory (no, of course I’m not kidding. This is Brooklyn) in Greenpoint Friday night. Come have almost too much (which is exactly the perfect amount) at resident DJ Carlos’s birthday. Which means they’re going to hold nothing back. He’ll be joined by friends Kate Stein, Facets, and Rodriguez and the entire Almost Too Much crew, and trust me when I say it’s the party you don’t want to miss this weekend. The party is free and so are you and me and love. Info here. 10pm-5am. 

Making Everyday Sourdough at Archestratus in Greenpoint

I don’t know if you know much about sourdough starters, but after attending a screening this hilarious and very odd series about a french woman’s love affair with her sourdough, I’m basically as confused as I was before. Come clear all of that up and create something beautiful out of what I think is a living culture of sorts that you can have a relationship with, at this sourdough class at Archestratus. Sourdough master Johanna Kindvall will walk you through the process and leave you with knowledge and a little starter of your own. So, maybe it’s a good time to break up wtih your boyfriend. Tickets include beer and wine and are going fast, get yours here. 6-9pm, 160 Huron St.

Let Scott Campbell Tattoo You at the Marc Jacobs Store in Midtown

Let this be the only bad decision you’re tempted to make with needles involved this weekend. Or any day, for that matter. (there are a lot of great oral drugs, I hear). Head to the Marc Jacobs store across the river in the middle of Manhattan, where celebrity tattoo artist Scott Campbell wants to carve his precious skills permanently into your skin, and will do so however he pleases. And honestly, that doesn’t sound that crazy…. because even the tattoo decisions we are “certain” about are rarely profound or beautiful or not regrettable in the future. Enter the lottery by showing up, one winner will be chosen randomly every hour from noon-5pm… and good luck… in so many ways. Info here. 655 Madison Ave. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on SATURDAY

House of Love presents Spring Fever at House of Yes in Bushwick

Embrace the beauty, the warming up, the stripping down, and all the love that comes with this time of year when HOuse of Yes becomes House of Love this Saturday and brings you their Spring Fever party. From their party description, “Bodies in bloom and appetites awakening. Feel the fever of spring, and all that it brings. Create connections in a garden of earthly delights with new friends and fresh lovers. Taste the flavor of Vibe Tribe NY, our partners in pleasure for this edition of House of Love.” Costumes are mandatory, details (and tickets!) here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave. Come, catch the fever.

Dinner and Disco at Pony Boy in Greenpoint

My heart still breaks thinking about the massive loss we all experienced when the magical, intimate bar and venue Manhattan Inn shuddered its doors. The only thing that’s helped it mend is seeing what friends and owners James Dorje and Michael Stember have done to revive the place. A restaurant that somehow flawlessly fuses Japanese, American, and Mexican flavors and brightens it all with an amazing cocktail program, plus a disco dancehall in the back bringing together some of the most original and raucous parties in the borough. Go for dinner, stay for disco. Read what the NY Times had to say about them here and make a reservation now. 632 Manhattan Ave.

The Living Installation presents a Tribute to Carolee Schneemann in Bushwick

There’s plenty of beautiful and approachable art in this city. But what about the abstract, the difficult to define, the truly alive, the kind that exists only for a time and for an audience that is forced to embrace and be a part of it? Well, there’s that too, thanks to Michael Alan and Jadda Cat. They create another inspiring Living Installation, this one dedicated to the amazing Carolee Shneeman, making her life’s works come alive again in the most alive and unusual ways. Limited viewing in their intimate gallery/theater, or watch live online. Details here, 8pm-midnight.

Young Adult Friction Indie-Alt Dance Party at the Brooklyn Bazaar in Greenpoint

Your favorite weekend rub down, for those of us who are looking for the anti-rave. Young Adult Friction, the indie-alt dance party that gets you to dance yrself clean and then dirty again in Brooklyn and will be heating up the dancefloor at the Brooklyn Bazaar Saturday night. Leave the hypnotic trance-dance warehouse scene behind in exchange for all of your favorite indie pop, alt rock, post punk, dance punk, and oldies, all night. Tickets and love are free. Dance all night and leave with a new lover. Info here, 11-3am, 150 Greenpoint Ave.

Sip and Swap at L’wren in Sunset Park

Just because Marie Kondo is now a verb doesn’t mean that we all forget the old hashtag we all used to live by, #onemanstrashisanothermanstreasure. Come remember and release and discover at the monthly sip and swap. Bring your gently used clothing, cosmetics, accessories, and penchant for making bad decisions when you drink and shop to L’Wren. Get your $8 ticket here, then be there 7-9:30pm. 4004 5th Ave.

Brooklyn Whiskey Fest in the Brooklyn Navy Yard

Springtime is basically upon us and the warm weather is soon to follow, but don’t push it. You don’t need to get that warm yet. I’m serious, you don’t. Instead of an entire day of unlimited whiskey tasting, just put on a leather jacket and go have 2 tequilas and then get frisky with your lover. Boom. Warm. Or I suppose go to this whiskey fest in the Navy Yard and get slowly and then aggressively warm starting at 2 or 6:30pm. Let this be your chance to explore some rare and exotic whiskeys, or say fuck it because they also have gin and vodka and tequila. Tickets and info here, 141 Flushing Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on SUNDAY

Hot Box Mobile Sauna at North Brooklyn Farms in Williamsburg

It’s Spring or whatever, but still not warm enough or nice enough yet for us to enjoy all the amazing outdoor spaces in this city. The parks! The rooftops! (except for you, Loopy Doopy. Go to hell.) The waterfront farms! If only there was a tiny little ecosystem that could transport us to warmer times right NOW. Oh, wait… this is New York and anything is possible and there’s a mobile sauna waiting to make you sweat at North Brooklyn Farms. Stop bitching about the cold. Start sitting and shvitzing with strangers, looking out onto Manhattan, that wondrous land of promise that we never really go to anymore. Thank you, Hot Box, for making all of our warm dreams come true. Info here.  320 Kent Ave.

We all are familiar with the New York minute. But what about the New York hour? What happens if we multiply this notorious “minute” by 60?    

We get a formerly familiar measure of time that is hustled, frantic, fleeting, and coveted. So the way we decide to spend such hours is important. Add into that equation a plethora of top-rated restaurants and a lack of time and a culinary appetite for adventure and therein lies the ultimate omnivore’s dilemma, nearly every night.  

I’ve found that the best way to solve it is to make a buffet out of a neighborhood. Plan to embark on a food-based happy hour exhibition that allows you to sample one emblematic dish from multiple destinations so that your dinner decision can be made with more confidence. Also, it’s really fucking fun. I’ve left you some breadcrumbs first through Greenpoint. Get a little taste of it below.

Greenpoint Fish and Lobster Happy Hour | Greenpoint

A fish counter with a penchant for service, this white-tiled silvery-scaled spot on Nassau Ave offers oysters for $2, beer and cider for $5, wine and cava for $6 and a full, freshly caught menu a la carte. And it makes me want to remind you that $1 oyster promotions are completely unsustainable. Places that are still offering this deal regularly are likely getting oysters from places that are farming them in a way that destroys the delicate and necessary ecosystem. So stop expecting and seeking them. At Greenpoint Fish, their passion is seeking the most responsibly harvested seafood possible, and their specials are based upon whatever there was a surplus of at the market that day. Meaning you’ll get a briney, fresh, and salty-esque exploration of the best in season, sustainably. We got 2 of each of the 3 in abundance that night, plus a couple glasses of rose. This only set us back $11 each and set us forward to embrace the remainder of these sacred hours. Their happy hour runs Monday through Friday, 2-6pm, Saturday and Sunday 4-6pm. Find them at 114 Nassau Ave.

El Born, Greenpoint | Happy Hour

The idea for a food-based happy hour crawl was based upon a trip I took to San Sebastian, where every Thursday night they have a self-guided, walking tapas-tour, each bar in the city offering one signature dish that comes with a glass of wine. Thus it was only fitting to hit my favorite Spanish restaurant in town as part of this piece. Their happy hour tapas menu lets you choose from 10 offerings (including a personal paella) plus beer, wine, sangria or vermut for $5. Plus I heard through the fermented grapevine that they’ll be introducing a Tapas Tuesday deal that will leave you with unlimited tapas for a very limited budget. Update coming soon.  

For tonight, we chose a tortilla espanola and the croquetas del dia (each for $5) and a house-made sangria, leaving satisfied and hispanophiled for $10 (plus tip!) each. Their happy hour (and so many other nightly deals) runs Monday through Friday, 3-7pm. Find them at 651 Manhattan Ave.

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Alameda, Greenpoint | Happy Hour

Alameda is the Spanish word for an urban orchard or charming tree-lined street, and this hidden gem on Franklin feels as mystical and natural as if it was grown out of the neighborhood’s natural environment and its inhabitants needs. With an ovular bar that instinctively brings people together, an imaginative cocktail list that draws you in, plus a Monday-Friday beer and a burger deal that lets you experience the best burger (and requisite worst beer) in Greenpoint for just $12, this is a place that hardly needs incentive to keep you coming back.  

Although the burger is hard to refuse, we opted instead for the oysters with a refreshing cucumber mignonette ($2 each) and a couple of tequilas on the rocks for a total of $13 each (plus tip!). The added bonus was the poured-on-site polished concrete bar, the art-deco inspired molding, the back-lit and enticing shelves of spirits and the always personable service that was hardly reflected (thus aptly tipped upon) by the meager check. Their happy hour runs Monday through Friday from 5-7pm. Find them at 195 Franklin St.

Le Fanfare, Greenpoint | Happy Hour

The atmosphere at this Italian spot in North Greenpoint feels like it should be saved for special occasions; the long communal farm tables dotted with fresh flowers makes it nearly impossible to imagine yourself and 35 very good-looking people celebrating with endless bottles of wine and big, warm plates of pasta and salty charcuterie, seductive glances and warm toasts and enough laughter to make you not even mind that the silk dress you saved just for this occasion is now dotted with marinara sauce because you’ve never been this happy at a dinner ever in your life. Just you know, as an example. However, the service, menu, and happy hour deals will remind you that you should be coming here often and making any day feel like an occasion. Every flavor combination is exquisitely curated; never too much yet deeply satisfying, it’s delicate and pure and memorable which is just the way I imagine life on the island of Sardinia to be. Their happy hour menu gives you a taste of their best starters, which is the perfect way to wet your appetite for the homemade pastas and decadent entrees on the menu.

We couldn’t help ordering something unabashedly seafaring with the mussels and also went for the stone-ground polenta to keep us grounded in some down-home Italian comfort. For $12 each we had a wine and our selected small plate while sitting around the charming round marble bar and gazing out of their floor-to-ceiling glass entryway at snippets of life passing through our favorite area of the neighborhood. Their happy hour runs Monday through Friday from 5:30-7pm. Find them at 1103 Manhattan Ave.

Naked Dog, Greenpoint | Happy Hour

The last stop on our happy hour tour took us to a quiet corner on West Street and into one of the most authentic Italian restaurants in the area. The Naked Dog is fairly unassuming; rustic-chic interior, excessively pleasant staff, unique lighting selections and an overall feeling that makes you want to stay for a while. This feels nice. This is comfortable. This seems homey. And then the food arrives and you take your first bite and you desperately feel the need to disrupt the comfort and serenity and grab the person next to you and say, what the fuck is happening right now? They are serving some of the best dishes in Brooklyn in a completely unassuming atmosphere. And their happy hour deal lets you sample the best of these flavors for just $5 a dish. We went for the burrata, the meatballs, and the fried calamari. We opted for a happy hour cocktail each, one gin-based and one tequila-based to keep our bases covered. Our 3-plate and 2-drink special put us back $12.50 each (plus tip). Their happy hour runs Monday through Friday, 5pm-7pm. Check the hours and menus here then find them at 47 Java St.

What Not To Miss

The Wedge Salad

The Mozzarella Sticks

The Burger 

Any Dessert

And Beer

Frosty mugs. Really fucking frosty. Frosty enough to etch your initials into it before you drink it. Frosty enough to make you second guess that it’s a Bell’s Two Hearted that you’re sipping on. Twice. Get a beer, any beer.

The Most Charming

Wanpaku

Most Authentic

Amami

The Most Approachable

Ramen Spot

The Most Adventurous

Di An Di

The Most Elusive

Ramen Railroad

The Easiest to Refuse (despite their slogan)

Ramen Mafia – CLOSED.

The Most Acclaimed

Baoburg

The One with the Cult Following

Mu Ramen, in LIC

Read my full review here, and get there early. There is always a line out the door and for a damn good reason.

Cocktails at Alameda

195 Franklin St.

Dinner at Le Fanfare

1103 Manhattan Ave

Threes Brewing

113 Franklin St.

Magick City

37 Box St.

Oak and Iron

147 Franklin St.

Bakeri

105 Freeman St.

<3L.

can i tell you something? i don’t want to say it too loud, so lean in.

come on, get closer.

(i think that winter is over.)

YEP. i said it. and that means a few things here:

1. we have got to stop listening to that groundhog for our seasonal weather reports.
2. let’s throw all of our scarves and hats and cloves into the back of the closer and strip away layers of clothing along with our inhibitions and throw caution to the wind.
3. meet me in the park and let’s drink until the sun goes down then dance on a rooftop until it greets us again this and let summer start within us, to hell with what the calendar says.

and so what if we’re wrong? if it gets cold again and then we can’t find our gloves and hats? let’s believe it and live it right now. because that’s why we live here, to squeeze every moment and extract a more significant life out of the fruits of our labors.

and in that case, consider me a juicer, baby. because i’ve squeezed out all the best ways to get after it this weekend and i’m serving it to you in a cool and frothy glass, ripe and ready for the drinkin’ and i call it your weekend guide.

drink up, it’s all here for you.

THURSDAY

Hand Pulled Noodles of Xi’an at MOFAD, Williamsburg.

Two Step Lessons at Threes Brewing in Gowanus

step 1 – head down gowanus. step 2 – get pulled onto the dance floor semi-unwillingly for a two-step lesson. step 3 – drink what threes been brewing three times. 4 – feel loose and git your two step on. 5 – repeat, repeat, threepeat. lesson starts at 845pm, blue steel starts at 930 and won’t stop until you stop steppin’. (so don’t stop steppin.) all info here, 333 douglass st at threes brewing – i’ll try anything thrice.

 

FRIDAY

Dolly Parton Lookalike Contest at Mable’s Smokehouse, Williamsburg

Private Party with Rinsed, somewhere in Bushwick. 

Good Room turns 4! Anniversary Party in Greenpoint.

can you believe it’s been 4 whole years since the good room was born from the remains of the old club europa? 4 years of us partying our asses off, all night, to some of the best house music this town has to offer? 4 years of finally finding a worthy place to do bad things? well, let’s commemorate it all friday night by celebrating such an epic anniversary and of course pretend that we haven’t aged a bit. taakaki itoh and iori spin tunes all night. $15, tickets and info here. and hey brooklyn, here’s to 4 more years of being bad. 98 meserole ave.

 

809 Project Fundraiser at Bar Matchless, Greenpoint.

while we are all riled up and resisting and fighting for so many things we took for granted before the toupeed cheeto took office, let’s make sure we’re also using this momentum and passion to help people outside of our country who are in need. saturday night at bar matchless in greenpoint come jam out to 7 bands as part of the 809 project, a cross-genre arts festival that helps raise awareness and funds for issues in the dominican republic. saturday night’s event goes to support the dream project, a non-profit focusing on early childhood education and development. tickets are only $15 and are available here. 7pm, 557 manhattan ave #revelwithacause

Super Powers Dance Party at House of Yes, Bushwick.

the atmosphere at house of yes has us all feeling like we have super powers. aerial acrobatics, extracurricular habits, pink rabbits… and those bathrooms. let’s all dress the part saturday night at their super powers dance party. come dressed as your favorite super hero, comic book character, or just wear something wacky and make up a name, an ability, an adventure. their all-resident dj lineup is guaranteed to have you movin’ all night. free before 11pm! tickets and other info here. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes means no means yes means no means yes, yes  yes.

ah yes, it’s OSCARS sunday! check out my top neighborhood picks below and drink all of the champagne you can handle. because why not. #campaignforchampagne

The Diamond, Greenpoint.

i love this bar. and you should too, if for no other reason than their reference to “dark lord cheeto” on this poster and the fact that there will be “oscar meyers in blankets” at the party. and, of course, the 7-minutes in heaven gondola out back. this is the oscars party you want to go to. starts at 6pm. all other info here. 43 franklin st.

Northern Territory, Greenpoint.

Humboldt & Jackson, Williamsburg.

so you wanna get fancy? you still don’t have to cross the river. head to humboldt & jackson’s oscars party. get glammed out and walk the red carpet (for real), participate in a best dressed contest, document how good you look dressed up in their photo booth, and win raffle prizes. plus drink specials and oh yeah, the oscars.  you can watch them here. rsvp required, do so here now. party starts at 7pm. 434 humboldt st.

you’re all winners in my book.

<3L.