There is something about this borough we inhabit, with its relative location to the sprawling, iconic metropolis that is Manhattan. Brooklyn somehow captures all of that mad, magnetic energy and makes it into something attainable.

Grab ahold of that magic this weekend, in all of the best ways I’ve found, in your weekend guide. Because it’s all madness, it’s all magic, it’s all magnetic, and it’s all yours.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Perpetuum and Izakaya at A/D/O in Greenpoint

Yep, I’m still bummed that BMW took the Brooklyn Bazaar away from us (in its original space) but I can’t deny that having the backing of a luxury car brand can’t bring some damn nice things into that fateful warehouse space in Greenpoint. Like this, an art installation that alters your understanding of color, space, time and self, and (thankfully) doesn’t feel like it’s made for Instagram. An art installation for the sake of art! Oh my! Go and experience Perpetuum this weekend (it’s only here until the 17th!) and then have some izakaya with friends at Rule of Thirds, Greenpoint’s new expansive yet absolutely authentic Japanese small-plate haven. Info here. 29 Norman Ave.

Of Montreal at Elsewhere in Bushwick

There is nowhere else you should be this Thursday night other than under the magical, mystical roof of that space we call Elsewhere, in Bushwick. Yep. Go, fulfill your mission for taste-altering Szechuan spice at Mission Chinese and then satiate your need for space-altering and sense-enlightening musical experience when Of Montreal takes the stage. Book your table here, and get your tickets here now (they’re selling out fast). I’ll see you there, or Elsewhere. 599 Johnson Ave.

HUMP Film Festival at Cinema Village in the East Village

Amateur porn is both funny and sexy at the same time. And watching any porn in a public place, especially the kind that has Dan Savage’s stamp of approval, is something we should all consent to do. Let’s do it all together this weekend with HUMP film festival takes over … theater. Come, get some new ideas for the bedroom… the bathroom… the kitchen… the dingy bathroom at any dive bar. Allow yourself to have a way to start that weird fetish conversation you’ve been burying for way too long. It’s all out there for the getting, so go watch and then get you some. Tickets are selling out fast, get yours here now. 22 E. 12th St.

Indie Comedy at Tiny Cupboard in Bushwick

We all inhabit smaller-than-desired spaces in this town. And the best thing about said spaces is that filling them with anything is fairly quick and easy- like making that tiny closet appear to have a full wardrobe, or having your entire house fill with the smell of home cooking as soon as you put on the skillet, or best of all, filling all four walls with laughter with just one little joke. Small spaces are easy to fill. See just how warm and inviting they can be this Thursday night. Tickets, $5, available here. 1717 Broadway.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Dinner + a Movie: Korean Cuisine and a screening of Parasite in Greenpoint

I know you’re dying to read whatever quippy quip I’m about to write about this event I’ve created, but first BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW for the film. It’s playing in a 54-seat antique theater, so spots are going quickly. And then I want you head over to Little Dokebi with that creepy, ravenous look in your eyes before the film and enjoy Greenpoint’s most authentic Korean bites. And then I want you to come find me at Lake Street after your dinner-and-a-movie adventure and thank me for making your Friday night fucking awesome. (I accept tequila shots.)  Film Noir is located at 122 Meserole St. Find Little Dokebi at 85 Driggs Ave.

Free Friday Nights at the Museum of the Moving Image, then dinner at Mars in Astoria

Weekends don’t have to be devoid of culture and full of whisky and regrets. Start yours off on the right foot with free Friday nights at the Museum of the Moving Image! Their ongoing Jim Henson exhibit is just as charming and muppety as you’d hope, and you can get even deeper into the mind of Stanley Kubrick too, if you dare. It’s free 4-8pm. Info here, 36-01 35 Ave. Experience some of the best of Astoria’s dynamic dining scene afterward at Mar’s – 34-21 34th Ave.

Gimme Gimme Disco at Brooklyn Bowl in Williamsburg

Be honest with yourself. All week long you’ve been secretly listening to Abba and this cool groove, just waiting to let your disco fabulousness shine on the dance floor. Why? Because spreadsheets are boring and you’d fall asleep and wake up somewhere in column LLL if you listen to “productive” ambient music all day. Let that disco queen loose this Friday night at Brooklyn Bowl- you know, that venue that has been there the longest and is still one of the most welcoming and hippest places to party? They’ll be doing it again, Abba style this time. Get tickets here now. Go with your friends. Dance all night. Don’t be lame, wear polyester. Doors at 11pm. 61 Wythe Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

A Dance Party by Freehold in a Bathhouse in Williamsburg

This is why you read my guides, folks. This is why. Because events exist in this sprawling metropolis we inhabit that are so cool they’re like a plunge in an ice bath, they’re so hott you’ll find yourself enveloped in steam, they’re so hidden you’ll find yourself below ground, and they’re so invigorating you’ll feel comfortable being mostly naked and dancing with wet strangers without thinking twice. Such an event is happening this Saturday night when Freehold takes over Bathhouse with admission including full access to all of the bathhouse amenities, plus the groove-inducing DJs you can expect from Freehold. Get your tickets here now and feel comfortable sweating the whole time. It’s why you’re there. 10pm-1:30am at 103 N. 10th St.

House of NO at House of Yes in Bushwick

House of Yes wants to tell you NO this Saturday night.

No phones

No photos

No bullshit

No bad attitudes

No nonsense

No (such thing as) bad dancing

Welcome to the House of No – a hedonistic musical playground designed to inspire you to get off your phone, get in the groove, feel the vibrations of sound, light, and human connection. Jack your body and embrace the shapes of the darkness. Lose yourself in powerful pulsating rhythms of our friends from The Bunker NY. Tickets here. Don’t be scared. 10pm-4am. 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Border Kindness Benefit Show with Hartstop in Bushwick

Come, #revelwithacause at this benefit party in Bushwick. Because we never really need a reason to party, but it’s good if we have one- and really good if we have a really good reason. This dance party will feature some of the city’s best DJs and all proceeds will benefit Border Kindness, an organization that responds to the immediate needs of migrants and refugees, and identifies and assists other organizations that efficiently and justly help the vulnerable in the Mexicali/Calexico Border Region. You might have other excuses to party this Saturday night, but this is the best reason. $10 suggested donation. Info here, DM for address (it’s around Hart and Broadway). Party starts at 6pm and doesn’t stop until you (hart)stop.

Lean into Global Warming with A Midsummer Night’s Dream at BAM in Downtown Brooklyn

Let’s face it, this winter didn’t really exist. And while we need to be doing everything we can to stop our planet from warming ( #bernie ) we can also admit that this warm weather is both harrowing and dreamy. Admit it in the most dramatic way possible with this amazing production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. This encore performance stars Gwendoline Christie (yep, she didn’t die!), and will bring you into an immersive reproduction of Shakespeare’s classic. Get your tickets here. It’s happening at the Peter Jay Sharp Rose Cinema, 30 Lafayette Ave.

Elevation Woman’s Day Party with House of Yes at Paradise Club in Times Square

Break through that glass ceiling by elevating your spirit, your soul, and your sisters this Saturday night. House of Yes joins Elevation to bring this celebration of feminity into the magical space at the Paradise club. Come, run with the wolves and dance with the queens all night. Book a spot at their immersive theater dinner beforehand, “The Devouring” then head downstairs to howl at the moon. Run with the pack starting right here. 11pm-4am, 701 7th Ave.

St. Practice Day at Shillelagh Tavern in Astoria

I know, I know… you certainly don’t need any practice before St. Patrick’s Day. Of course, not you. But real quick, let’s just go through a quick mental inventory of past St. Patrick’s Days that you remember. Were they, perhaps, some of your finest drinking moments? Could you perhaps improve? Did you, at least once, find yourself in or around a pile of green vomit that you swore was ejected from a passing leprechaun? We could all use a little practice before one of the biggest drinking days of the year. Besides, drinking practice is fun. Come do it at the 3rd annual St. Practice Day party at Queens’s most Irish pub. It’s happening all day and night, so get all the practice you need in (plus, watch Liverpool vs Crystal Palace playing on the big screen) Info here.  47-22 30th Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Down to Earth Farmers’ Market at McGolrick Park in Greenpoint

Your favorite local farmers’ market is back and wants to bring you back down to earth this Sunday afternoon. The farmers are excited to show you what has already popped up for Spring (we’re predicting an early ramp season here, folks, so get ready!) along with all of the amazing local cheese and bread makers, a few distilleries for good measure, and an always healthy walk-in-the-park. Join them every Sunday from 10am-3pm. Info here. 

Women’s Day Fest at Threes Brewing in Gowanus

Celebrate Woman’s Day in all the best ways in a magical tent space behind a brewery with your entire wolf pack in Gowanus. Threes Brewing will be holding their annual Women’s Day Festival, celebrating female brewers, female musicians, female humans, and everyone else who’s ever loved a woman. It’s free to attend and if you need any further reason to attend this event, find it here, then I’ll see you there. 333 Douglass Street at Threes Brewing- I’ll try anything thrice. 

Dinner + a Movie: Korean Cuisine and a screening of Parasite in Greenpoint

Why, hello there. Let me guess- tickets already sold out for Friday’s showing but you decided not to get discouraged and instead to fill your curious little heart with so many other exciting activities this weekend by reading through my entire guide and now you’ve come here to the end? Well, SURPRISE- there’s a showing of Parasite on Sunday too. I’ll be at this one and so should you. Now get your damn tickets HERE. Let’s have small plates at Little Dokebi after.