FRIDAY
A Very Murray Christmas at the woods, williamsburg
playing bill’s new holiday film on repeat AND offering free jameson to instagram followers, plus free jameson for life if you bring bill murray. which, given his affinity for showing up unannounced at random places, there is a chance you’ll just happen to be walking in at the right time to claim him as your date. if this party doesn’t get you in the christmas spirit, give up at this point. 7-9pm,  48 S. 4th st.

Open Source Food Kitchen, williamsburg
hungry for food or for philanthropy? or maybe just to exchange some ideas with other movers and shakers? open source kitchen throws this weekly food exchange to give people who are hungry or not so hungry a place to openly mingle and warm up with artists, writers. and bums. with soups. plus you can play everyone’s favorite game- homeless or hipster? in other words, just come as you are. 7-9pm, 306 17th st.

Holiday Circus Cabaret, williamsburg
circus cabaret? sounds like the perfect mix of youthful innocence and raucous desire that will make for a perfect last-friday-before-christmas chance to get on santa’s naughty list. 29 wythe ave, 8.30pm. $25.

oh yeah, and deadmau5 is playing at barclay’s. and. i will be there. (you can too!)

SATURDAY
French Morning Market, Cobble Hill
but i’m le tired- well, now you’re le not once you check out this magnifique french holiday market– for the francophile on your list or to help satiate that constant desire to be back in france. (smothering brie on your face is totally acceptable- i miss it too man.) Church of St. Paul, 234 Congress st. saturdays, 10am-2pm, and sundays 11am-6pm.

Brooklyn Wine Exchange, cobble hill
after a long day of christmas shopping on charming smith st (have you been to this shop? because it’s perfect for all of those people on your list who are awesome.) squeeze into this cozy little gem of a wine shop on Court st- they offer free (free!)  wine classes every wednesday and saturday and have an extensive wine selection and extremely knowledgeable staff. get in there. this saturday, sign up early to get a sparkling little lesson about champagne from the bubbly Clement Calleja of Billecart-Salmon.

Free Salsa Lessons, two locations in brooklyn.
take a break from your weekly youtube salsa dance lessons and head to dance fever studios for this free salsa event! get your hands on a stranger that doesn’t start with swiping right. lesson starts at 8pm, come single or with a buddy, plus your dancing shoes. Dance Fever studios, 159 20th Street.

Pancakes and Whiskey’s Annual Holiday Party, williamsburg
nothing says “holiday” like pancakes and whiskey. the group, not the actual food products. join them and bands snowmine, salt cathedrals, and bellows at rough trade- so you can load up on albums for all of the hipsters on your list at the same time. everyone wins in this scenario. get tix. bring syrup. 64 N 9th St, 8pm.

SUNDAY
Whiskey Bike Ride with the Brooklyn Bike Crew. errrywhere.
nothing gets me up at 10am on a saturday like a long bike ride with the promise of a whiskey bar at the end. never mind, literally, nothing gets me up at that time on a saturday, but i’m going to give it a try. sleep in OR join me in the below- bikes and whiskey, sounds risky! starts at bedford ave and the eastern parkway, 10am-2pm.

Please Touch the Art, dumbo.
it’s unseasonably nice out- no one knows why (well, we have an idea…) but let’s bask in it for as long as we can until it leaves us. head down to brooklyn bridge park to check out Jeppe Hein’s interactive installations. touch the art, dance in the fountain, it’s december, who cares. pneumonia, be damned! brooklyn bridge park, everyday during those precious hours of sunlight. go quick because it leaves us jan. 1.

Brooklyn Flea <3’s Smorgasburg <3’s Brooklyn Night Bazaar Holiday Market, sunset park
then, of course keep biking south of dumbo- to smorgasburg/brooklyn flea/brooklyn night bazaar’s christmas love child in industry city. this holiday market is every saturday and sunday and boasts all the vendors you love from each of these cherished events, plus some you’ve never even heard of. face it- you have gifts to get, you know you do. drink while you shop to take a bit of that edge right off of your holiday shopping.

Atletico de Madrid, champions of the world (kind of!), at banter bar in williamsburg.

i realize that not everyone will give a shit about this game but let’s face it- college football season is effectively over and we all need a real sport to watch while we gently wash down our hangovers on sundays. enter- the greatest soccer team in the entire world, fighting to win this game and the lead en la liga, spain’s league that boasts those two other soccer teams that are always battling for number one. best place to catch it? banter bar in williamsburg. see you there in your rojo y blanco. AUPA. 2.30pm, 132 Havemeyer st.

where to eat this weekend– fada in williamsburg
a little bit of marseilles right on driggs ave. dollar oysters on sunday nights, steak tartare, poutine, live music every night! plus a well-curated wine list. i want to live at this place. join me.

where to drink this weekend– milk + roses, greenpoint
this enchanting little gem in NoGreePo beckons you in with its rustic charm- antique books line the walls, a baby grand piano with a live pianist nightly, a hidden garden in the back with gnomes peeking out of the bushes, giggling and chirping just ever so perceptively. oh yeah, and their cocktails are dope. get lost in here, for a while.

reasons to cross the river this weekend–
other than battling the crowds at the union square holiday market (seriously, i don’t even care that it’s packed. it’s full of joy and love and treasures. go.), there is a room filed with balloons at Gavin Brown’s Enterprise in chinatown just begging to bring out your inner child. and they’re red (naturally) so it’s festive. check it out- 291 grand st, noon-6pm.