I’ve found all the best ways to secure your position on Santa’s naughty list this weekend.

 Get to it, there isn’t much time. 

Things to do in Brooklyn on Thursday

Hartstop Disco Dance Party at Venus in Furs in Williamsburg

Disco isn’t dead and neither am I and neither are you. You know how I know? That little heart of your is still in there beating, likely to its own drum… but let’s let all of ours beat together, and our hips move and groove together, this Thursday night at Venus in Furs in Williamsburg. They’ll welcome back the Hartstop Disco Dance Party and all of you and your disco-fab friends to dance all night. Dico getup welcome, it makes conversation-starting easier (and you know it). $8/10 suggested to enter. Info here. 9pm ’til late. 990 Broadway.

Morbid Hour: Celebrating the Darkest Day of the Year at KCBC Brewery

Friday is the darkest day of the year (or I suppose it’s Thursday to Friday?), and that means we’re all tempted to join the dark side, to succumb to the deep dark cold of winter, to relinquish all of our best intentions for evil, to pretend to like Star Wars. Our friends at KCBC want to help envelope you into darkness with their Darkest Day of the Year celebration, featuring their new Morbid Hour dark beer on tap and in collaboration with St. Vitus and Traze Pizza, so things will be dark and metally and delicious. The lights will be low, the music will be low, and there will be no hand checks. Info here, it all happens 5-11pm at KCBC, 381 Troutman St.

NYC DSA Debate Watch Party at Magazine* in Greenpoint

I haven’t been one for political ‘watch’ parties ever since I attended one at Lake Street one fateful Tuesday night that had us all clutching our beers and taking obscene amounts of whiskey shots, unable to believe our eyes, and in my case, convincing myself it didn’t actually happen so I could finally fall asleep around 4:30am. But, one of the best things about a debate watch part is that we get to see where all of us actually stand, and feel our voices heard at least among our peers in order to shape a stronger one come election time. The best place to do it is at Magazine* Greenpoint. They’ll have the debate with sound on the big screen, all-night drink specials, an impartial disco ball, and as always, free popcorn. RSVP here. 130 Franklin St.

*Disco Shayz

House of Yes Xmas Spectacular in Bushwick

This is one of my favorite New York holiday traditions. The Christmas Spectacular at House of Yes is a festive, immersive holiday adventure that combines traditional songs and stories and then completely flips them upside down and strips them away and interprets them with aerialists, dancing gifts, sexy reindeer, Mariah Carey, milk and cookies, and so many surprises under the tree you’ll question whether or not you’ve actually been good this year. (Trust me, you haven’t.) Tickets, $30-80 are available here. Shows are Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, 7-10pm. 2 Wyckoff Ave at House of Yes, the place for naughty boys and girls.

Dirty Thursday: Office Holiday Party at House of Yes in Bushwick

After the Spectacular, roll right into the office holiday party the way you always wanted it to be- with no awkward conversations with slimy old executives who feel comfortable holding their hand on your lower back, without cheesy games or giveaways or speeches you have to pretend to give a fuck about, and with overall way better-looking people. Come and forget office politics, forget being afraid of making a fool of yourself. Make copies of your private parts. Hook up in a not-that-dark corner. Have no regrets. And honestly, I bet if you reached out to Jim from finance in an after-hours email he’d have no qualms about meeting you for a late-night budget constraints review. It’s free all night. Dress up, it’s more fun. Info here. 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Friday

Good Room Holiday Party in Greenpoint

I at least want to pretend that I was good this year; that even my worst decisions started with good intentions. Well, it’s time we threw all of that shit out the window this Friday because to be honest, it’s way too late. Let’s just admit that we’re a bunch of fucking heathens. Celebrate your hedonistic longings at the Good Room’s holiday party. Get merry and dance with your friends all night to some of the city’s best DJs, in both the Good and Bad rooms. Free for Good Room members, $10 with RSVP right here. 10pm-4am, 98 Meserole Ave at Good Room, where no good can come of it.

Light Side about Darth Vader at Film Noir Cinema in Greenpoint

I’m kind of one of those people who doesn’t really get the whole Star Wars thing. I understand it’s a fantastic story, I get that the graphics were really profound for the time, and they caught Harrison Ford at his very best… but beyond that, I find myself searching for a little more. Which is why I’m so into this event, that will show you a deeper (not darker) side of the whole story. Film Noir Cinema, that captivating little antique theatre in Greenpoint, invites you into a journey with David Prowse, the British actor who originally portrayed Darth Vader, through his new documentary Light Side. It will give you a fresh and different perspective into the trilogy. Come. Listen. Learn. Be tempted toward either side but also, develop an understanding into what it means to be a celebrated villain. I’ll be there mostly because maybe now I can finally stop aggressively sipping my coffee while I pretend to listen to my boyfriend get so damn excited when we see a “dolorian” poster as wait for the G train. Tickets are in limited capacity- get yours here now. It’s happening from 8:30-10:30pm at 122 Meserole Ave. 

Michael Alan’s Holiday Sale at his Studio in Bushwick

What do you get for that one person on your list who still remains an enigma? That person who has such specific taste but still somehow astounds you every time you go to their apartment and think, how the fuck did you think to put that here? And also, I think that taxidermied creature is still breathing… This is the place to find that special something for that special someone. Renowned performance artist and Brooklyn resident will open his studio for a sale this Friday night. Come to get an inside look at the creative process of this profound artist, and pick something crazy out for yourself or a friend. Info here. Address revealed with RSVP.

Holiday Island at House of Yes in Bushwick

Look at your skin right now. Ugh. Squalled, right? And that sweater? Remember when it was a shirt that said “hey, I just came to party!” instead of, “hi, my office is usually pretty cold and I just wanted to make sure I could get through the financial reports without an undue amount of discomfort.” There’s still a chance to change that around. There’s still a way to say, “Hey baby, is it warm in here, or is it just me heating up the dance floor?” It’s all happening Saturday night, at House of Yes. They’ll be having their Holiday Island party, so give the gift that keeps you living. So save yourself. Get out of your winter skin. Shed a little light on that timeless summer glow. Be cool. Get hott. Get tickets here right now. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Muppet Christmas Live Reading and Sing-Along at the Creek and the Cave in LIC

I really love holiday traditions for the sake of just helping you fall right into that cozy holiday spirit. And there’s no doubt that watching Muppet Christmas is one of them. So let’s all head to the Creek and the Cave Friday night and hold hands and sing along and cheer on that Kermit the Frog Tiny Tim. You $5 will be donated to Coalition for the Homeless so go, #revelwithacause. Info here. Head to Bierocracy after, and get a mojito from Zach. He makes ’em best.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Saturday

BK Queer Flea Market at 3 Dollar Bill in Bushwick

Not sure what to get the staunch republicans on your list? Get the something interesting and handmade at this holiday market in Brooklyn, and then let them know proudly that their gift also supports LGBTQ rights and the community’s creative endeavors. Find the full list of vendors here, and then be there from 3-9pm at 3 Dollar Bill in Bushwick. 260 Meserole St.

Nutcracker Rouge at Company XIV in Bushwick

Be honest with yourself. There’s no more need for the “naughty or nice” bit this year. You’re getting coal and switches (ooh!) this year and that was pretty much determined before the end of 2018. So let’s get really good and naughty here as Christmas approaches by going to this dirty iteration of a Holiday classic. It’s the Nutcracker Rouge, a kinky burlesque cabaret ballet that reinterprets the classic coming-of-age tale as one of sexual awakening. It runs now through 1/13 but go before Christmas. Don’t ruin it for yourself next year. Tickets are $75 and are available here. 383 Troutman St.

Greenhook Ginsmiths and St. Agrestis New Tasting Room is Open!

If you haven’t read my piece on Duke’s Liquor Box yet then maybe you don’t exactly realize how much we should appreciate the fact that New York has relatively recently opened up its regulations for small-batch distillers. That means that even just in Greenpoint, we have a handful of amazing distilleries to visit, learn from, and sip with. And two of the best just got together to open a charming little tasting room, on Eagle Street. Greenhook Ginsmiths and St. Agrestis Amaro (ps, St. Agrestis is basically the saint of wild ex-pats, which is all of us here), and they’re only open for walk-ins on the weekends. So you should go this Saturday, experience the magic these two spirits make when combined, get a little loose then go (kind of) finish your shopping at the Renegade Craft Fair, at the Expo Center! Find the tasting room at 233 Eagle St.

Renegade Craft Fair at the Expo Center in Greenpoint

Crafts are dangerous again! Or, I mean a little. These “renegade” makers are bold enough to go beyond the store and sell their wares from charming little booths that are like pockets of passion and hard work for you to peruse and decide if their blood, sweat, and tears have a place under your tree this year. (HInt: they do.) Go. Buy. Support local makers. Info here. Go Saturday or Sunday, starting at 11am. 79 Franklin St.

Winter Soulstice at House of Yes in Bushwick

I’m pretty sure Winter arrived on Wednesday in a big old squall that came storming over us from the West… but, we shall formally welcome it into our house this Saturday night, at House of Yes. In their words, “Radiate your light on this darkest night and feel connected to the stars, the sun… and the future of you. Nurture your nature. Celebrate your celestial soul on Winter Solstice, through heartbeats and body rolls on our dance floor. Change the season. Change your life.” Yep. Any other info is here. 10pm-4am, 2 Wyckoff Ave.

Things to do in Brooklyn on Sunday

Stay tuned!!!

Gift giving is hard. I’m not one who can just stroll happily through a crowded holiday market or mindlessly scroll through web gift guides just to happen upon the perfect present for every special someone on my list. 

One thing that is easy for me is choosing or finding words that inherently connect to my nearest and dearest. This year’s gift guide is based on this principle. Six powerful quotes, six dynamic personalities and a smattering of gifts that will make your life that much easier and theirs so much merrier. 

 Get to it. 

The Compassionate One

For the friend who volunteers on the weekends. She’s the one who sent you a card when your cat died. She often crams 50 people in her Park Slope apartment for a “potluck“, and tells everyone to just bring wine. You never hear her say “I have no time.” She always answers your text messages immediately, and to the really desperate ones, she shows up in person, almost as fast. You wonder how she gives so much to everyone, so give her something that will fill her soul and makes her feel as special as she does so many people, and inevitably, so that her soul can keep on giving so much.

Charlie Mackesy Art

I recently discovered the man whose artwork I’ve had hanging above my bed for 8 years now after seeing it in a second-hand art shop in Savannah. The charcoal sketch gripped my heart for reasons I didn’t understand. A few months ago as I was moving the piece that I purchased in a frame, as the sketch slipped in the frame, I noticed that there was an artist inscription below the mat. It was the name of the same artist I had somehow found on Instagram and whose inexplicably stirring yet simple illustrations had struck me via this virtual medium as well. Take a stroll through his Instagram gallery. Find the piece that speaks to you and towards her. Order here. 

Monthly Flower Delivery

Because the person who gives constantly and mindlessly and heartfully deserves to be gifted often. Setting up this monthly flower delivery service will remind her how good it feels to be cared for. Sign up with Urban Stems, choose a different bouquet each month. And make time to write the note. You have time. You do. 

Polaroid Notes

She probably uses the postal service more than anyone you know. A card for your birthday, your housewarming, your cat dying, and just because she thought of you in that little gift shop in Boerum Hill…. give her this set of abstract yet personal notes to send off on every whim. Purchase here or from your local bookstore. 

Locally Made Candle

Candles feel overdone, but the good ones are often prohibitively expensive but unfailingly fill your home with warmth and love and will help get rid of that potluck stench that tempts her to never have another. And you don’t want that. My favorite are from Apotheke are made in Brooklyn and burn clean for hours. Pick one out at Bursen and Reynolds in Greenpoint. 

Supergoop Makeup Setting Spray

A heart this big tends to shed tears often, because empathy is her middle name. Get her a mascara (and setting spray!) that will stick with her while she’s handing you tissues and listening to you list why you’ll never get over what’s his name 

2019 Moon Phase Calendar

Because she often tells you, “It’s just the moon, baby. It will pass.” And not that you care if that’s based on anything or not, but trust me, she’ll love this. I buy mine from Driggs Merchantile in Williamsburg or online by Margins.

The Romantic One

 You know the one. The one who never seemed jaded by a bad date; the one who sees the world through rose-tinted glasses. She radiates seduction with intention and encourages you to redownload tinder-happn–okcupid-hinge. Maybe she’s newly engaged. Maybe she’s just helping everyone else believe in love in a world that seems so detached and completely swiped out of love. Give her the gift that will keep her belief going so that she’ll keep the rest of the world’s going too. 

Milk and Honey by rupi kaur

We have all become so jaded by Instagram, except for the ones who still believe that it can be used to spread love and beauty and art instead of #shamelessselfies and obviously injected booty pics (they are, right? I mean COME ON!). Those ones are Rupi Kaur and the receiver of her book, Milk and Honey. One of the original Instagram poets, her “gallery” makes us all believe in a better world, and will warm the heart of the lover on your list. I got mine from Word in Greenpoint.

A Significantly Old Bottle of Wine

A vintage from a year that means something to her, or that will be best drunk on a special date. To be shared with a lover or together, talking about lovers you’ve yet to meet. She loves the intricacies of red wine. How you can see to the depths of its soul, how it changes over time, how it impacts everyone differently. Find her one that means something, save it to enjoy with a lover or open it right away. 

Rose Gold, anything.

The one who sees the world through rose colored glasses won’t have to tint anything if it’s already rose gold. Gift her with Alexis Bittar and a MVMT watch, in rose. 

Leon Bridges, “Coming Home”

This smooth and soulful album will keep her warmhearted and slow-dancing all through winter.

Passeport De La Parisienne (a notebook)

A charming little Parisian NotebookFor love notes and musings and everything else on her heart. 

Love Poems by Pablo Neruda

Nothing is more beautiful than the way this man uses words to describe love. Plus each poem includes the original Spanish translation on the mirroring page so she can keep learning those #romancelanguages

Window Herb Garden

Because if anything tempts her heart to be cold, its the requirement to be shuddered indoors and alone for a season in New York. Bring the outside indoors with this herb garden collection and strongly believe it will be her introduction into alchemy, or that love potion you keep waiting on. Find it at Urban Outfitters.

The Hustler

This is the friend who will stop at nothing to put herself out there. The one who is always working on a new project, always networking, always knows someone who knows someone who she’ll connect you with. Her bookshelf is full of spiritual, professional, and intellectual motivation. She has a motor in her that never stops. you tell her to quiet down as she talks excitedly about her next big idea because it’s so good will get stolen from the sanctuary of any Brooklyn bar, guaranteed. You’re confident she never sleeps. Show her you understand the hustle and bring something to the table with these gifts.

Kaweco Fountain Pen and a Octaevo Blue Notes Notebook

Because no note should be written with a weak tool, help her deliver the strength behind all of her ideas with this elegant and easy to use fountain pen. Best used along with this sassy and totable notebook, ready and waiting for all of the ideas. Both from Archestratus in Greenpoint.

2019 Stendig Wall Calendar

Because organization should be stylish and visible and always in Helvetica. Find it at Need Supply, $38.

Kuma Powdered Ginseng

Because she stops for nothing, except coffee and sometimes even that isn’t enough. This super-powered powdered supplement will give her that extra boost without the downfall. Get it at Anima Mundi in Greenpoint or from their online store here.

Burn the Midnight Oil Candle

Because you don’t know how she does it, get her a late-night companion that will know, but won’t tell. This burn the midnight oil from Tulip & Bear inspires energy, inspiration, and clarity and will keep all her secrets safe, and smelling great. Find it here. 

Horikawa Japanese Incense

And this very Zen Japanese coiled incense that will keep her calm, cool, and collecting inspiration all night. Find it here.

A Bedside Catch-All

Because she likely collapse into bed at the end of the night. Make sure her earrings, cuffs, bracelets, grip on life has a place. This alpaca form Bursen and Reynolds is my lifeline of choice. Get it here. 

Guatamalen Worry Dolls

She’ll never admit it, but sometimes all that stress goes to bed with her and greets her in the morning. These worry dolls will capture those fears and keep them, under her pillow, so that she can rest easy. Mine were a gift from @forloveoflove so find a friend as good as she is to have a a pair find you. 

Portrait of Frida Kahlo

The women who pushed through so much pain and doubt and turned it into art should be looking onward as this go-getter pushes forward. This hand-painted, gold-foiled Frida painting will be looking on with approval. And, ok, a slight scowl. By a Richmond-local artist and gifted to me… make it a point to find something similar.

Living Proof Good Hair Day Dry Shampoo 

Because if she never sleeps, she doesn’t have time to also be on top of hairwashing. Help her make sure no one ever knows with this god-send of a dry shampoo. I get mine from Zoe’s in Greenpoint, available online from Sephora here. 

The War Of Art 

Take it from someone who’s been in battle and lived to tell about it, Stephen Pressfield’s soul-baring confession about how to break through and be victorious in the ongoing war of the creative is something she must have on her bookshelf.

The Gypsy Soul

Her apartment feels like a museum, full of carefully selected ephemera from trips and original artwork. Stories from her travels never feel pretentious or overdone because she experiences places the way most people experience a lover, with a deep soul connection, heartbreaking and exhilarating and always a part of who she is. And she approaches wine, music, art with the same intensity. With an unpretentious, uninterrupted, unwavering reverence. Give her something that will accompany her on her travels, something to jot it all down, something to add to her ephemera.

Feather Earrings

Dangling delicately yet bold enough that they just might give her wings, these will fit right into her gypsy-chic look. From Alter, $30.  

La Voyageur Notebook, Passeport de la Parisienne notebook, Field Notes

Travelers love nothing more than charming, pocket-sized notebooks to accompany them around the world and then remind them, when grounded, of all the beauty they’ve taken in. Help her take it in and jot it down in such worthy ephemera as these, from Archestratus in Greenpoint.

A Spanish Wine Bota

One of my most prized possessions, JB Siguenza wine botas are the original, resin-coated leather wine botas. They require care and curing and careful pouring but will give you so much in return. Buy one from El Xampanyet in Barcelona. And nowhere else.

Vintage Postcards

To use as decor, as correspondence, as a conversation piece. Give her some you’ve been collecting on your travels abroad or through antique shops. Trust me, she’ll love it. (You’ve been collecting these just for such an occasion, right?)

A Talisman

Why is that elephant always there? Because he’s my eternal talisman and my trusty travel partner. Get her something small to comfort her on rocky plane rides and to find itself in far-away landscapes. 

A Dream Catcher

Because she’s a dreamer and believer in harnessing spiritual energy. And, feathers and fringe are kind of her thing. Handmade in Brooklyn by Electric Love, price upon request.

A Vintage Brass compass 

with something moving inscribed upon it to keep him moving. Shipped next day from Istanbul, mine is from Etsy and starts at $35.

Natalia Lafourcade’s Mujer Divina

Famed Folk singer and composer Agustin Lara’s songs all reimagined and sung with collaborations from well-known artists, this album is transportive and soulful and stunning. Look for it on Mexican Ebay (No kidding. You’ll never find it anywhere else.)

2019 Moonphase Chart

Ethereal and soulful, she knows that the moon is powerful and omniscient, guider of the tides and our intentions. Let this be a constant reminder. Handmade in Brooklyn by Margins, $22.

The New Yorker

There is a sense of pride when you finally earn the whole “if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere,” but this is the friend that has more than made it here, and still isn’t budging. They know New York like the back of their hand. They speak of the city as a lover, complicated and seductive, intimate and indulgent. Their stories of indolence and mischief are enough to fill a library worth of edgy essay collections. They are hip but not overstated; they belong to New York and the city, to them. Wherever they is, you want to be too… before everyone else in the city finds out about it.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck

Because in order to survive in this city, you have to let train delays roll off your back, people who don’t obey escalator etiquette drift away, and understand that there is really no defense against the weather. Find your zen through the subtle art of not giving a fuck. Buy your copy from Word books in Greenpoint.

Quoted Magazine

“A love letter to New York from the people that live here.” Words and stories taken from the streets and the people upon them, this magazine will replace all of the exasperated “I have to leave this city,” confessions she hears with, “there’s no place like New York.” Get a copy at Spoonbill and Sugartown in Williamsburg or online here. 

G Train Magnet

More like the OG, right? Ok, fine, whatever. But let’s hear it for the only train in the city cool enough to dismiss Manhattan, all day and all nigtht, forever. Get her this one from the NY Transit Museum. 

Brooklyn Map Art

Cheesy? She won’t think so. Because this beautiful and often haphazard grid contains all of the magic and wonder and hardships and victories that make us who we are. Get one here from Modern Map Art, $29.

Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler

The best coming-of-age novel about life in New York written in our time, you know she already has this. So just get it for yourself or someone who’s on the edge of moving to suburbia right now.  

Goodbye To All That

A collection of essays written by female writers on their experience loving and leaving New York, I’ve never read anything that better conveys what life is like in this city. No glitz, no grime, just life. If she hasn’t yet, she’ll love it. 

LCD American Dream

Because the American Dream from a New Yorker’s standpoint is cacophonous and addictive and catchy and at times rough around the edges, this album from a band who understands and creates a sound that transcends. Trust me, she’ll love it. 

Giles & Brother Railroad Spike Cuff

Made in New York and engraved for free. It’s both understated and eye-catching and I never take mine off. Giles + Brother, $75.

The Refined Urbanite

You can almost hear him saying this. He’s passionate and deliberate, he’s intelligent and artistic. It’s a mix of things that have brought him here; an appreciation and familiarity with the outdoors, a newfound fascination with the finer things, a penchant for respectful inebriation and a need to keep cold, refinedly, in winter. He’s bearded but not overgrown, he’s well-dressed but not unapproachable, he’s cultured and with-it and hip but would never admit it. He’s both a grounded dreamer and a humble intellectual. He knows where he came from but is present where he lives, in the city of dreams, or as he would put it, the best goddamn city in the world. Get him something that will further his boundless curiousity, that will soften his exterior, that will indulge his social tendencies and will maintain his nearly impenetrable composure. 

Opinel Inox Pocket Knife

The perfect tool for an intimate wine and cheese party or to free an intwined pigeon from certain rat death or simply to carve your names into a tree in McCarren park, this subtle, french-made flip knife means no harm but carries a strong ready-for-anything sharpness; meaning read to slice through delicate bries and pierce the stronghold of oyster shells and slice the rope of a sailboat and set everyone free, unsuspectingly. Ready for adventure or forced refinement, and available here. 

Metal Pocket Comb 

Because he’d prefer to view his personal maintenance as an army-grade, steel-tough practice, get him a comb that will tell him, “sure baby, you still look tough when you make yourself look pretty.” Get this one at MCW.

Japanese Gin

You’re inevitably attracetd to him when accompanied by a beer-and-a-shot or a timely, aged bourdeaux (that you love watching his lips tell you about) so get him something that says, “It’s refined and exotic and it’s also liquor. Now let’s get drunk.” This Japanese Gin is the best way to say it. Get it at Duke’s Liquor Box in Greenpoint or you know, any liqour store in New York, for sale next to the $10 handle of Georgi gin because this is just the kind of grubby-refined place we live in. 

Aesop Creme

His hands see their fair share of a hard days work/bike ride/hockey game/drumming session, but if you want them… well, you know… just get him some of this and tell him how much better everything feels. 

The Revolution Will not Be Televised

Bitching about politics is annoying and all too easy. Understanding where we’ve come from and the achievably hopeful transition we will get to, and the conversations and movements and waves that will overcome it, are something worth engaging in. And then moving and grooving along to, on vinyl, along wiht Gil Scot Heron. This album is for you and him and the sporadic, initmate houseparty. Find it at one of your local record stores. 

The Golden Bough

Originally published in 1890, The Golden Bough is a remarkable work by Sir James Frazer. The book weaves tales of human evolution, finding harmony with spirituality, sacred magic, religious dogma, and scientific principle. A must read for the truly open-minded man in your life.

Field Notes and a bold yet refined fountain pen

Just make sure you make an impression enough so that he scratches you little love notes into this thing and then gives them to you alone in a field. Both can be found at Archestratus in greenpoint and other bookstores that are worth a damn. 

Getting into the holiday spirit for me is intentional. I feel like it’s important to actively seek environments, feelings, smells, sights, sounds to ignite that light in your heart. Circling around the ice skating in Bryant Park, creating your own self guided tour of the beautiful storefronts on Fifth Avenue, weeding through the tourists to be underneath and nearly consumed by the tree, boiling cinnamon sticks and orange peels and singing classics Christmas songs at the top of your lungs, making too many Christmas cookies. And listening to this special Christmas episode of This American Life. I always listen to it on my train ride down to Richmond and it never fails to make me laugh, cry, and clutch my heart I’m thankful appreciation to feel it beating, which is just what you need to get you into the spirit. A little something to warm your ears and your heart just in time for the holidays. Listen all the way through; the last story is my favorite.

 

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

Holiday Christmas Spectacular at House of Yes, Bushwick.

you know, the thing i really have about the holidays is that there is a distinct lack of drag queens. and aerial dancers dressed as reindeer. actual dicks in actual boxes. an intergalactic interactive immersive shopping experience and a chance to sit on santa’s lap, in a dirty way, and not feel bad about it. thankfully house of yes has swooped down and answered all of my holiday gripes with the holiday christmas spectacular. this immersive theater experience promises to make any dullness in your holiday sparkle, irrepressibly. all info and tickets here, $35-50. 2 wyckoff ave at house of yes, where the naughty list was a good starting off point.

Holiday Party (free!) at Good Room, Greenpoint.

didn’t make it to good room thursday night because someone posted her weekend guide a bit too late? well no sweat baby. go friday night. to their free holiday party. i’ll let them explain it better right here.

The Murder of Santa Claus at the Spectacle Theater, Williamsburg. 

ho ho ho, be merry, etc etc. it all can get to be a bit much, especially when you start hearing christmas songs at halloween these days and you’ve been fighting off “Santa Stop Here!” signs at duane reade trying to get to the cheep six packs since this summer it seems. here’s something refreshing. this 1940s french film (with subtitles!) mixes history with folklore, fairytale with a deep, dark mystery that keeps unfolding and refolding and stretching way way out before gripping you in its tempting embrace. so, you should go. a much better explanation (and trailer!) is here. show starts at 10pm, 124 S 3rd st at Spectacle Theater- wanna come again? that’s respectacle.

SATURDAY

Midnight Mass at Park Church Co-Op, Greenpoint.

SUNDAY

<3L.

a vinyl-based gift guide for everyone on your list? does it get more Brooklyn than that? no of course not. but that’s why you’re here, of course. yeah. it’s happening, right here. know your friends. choose a record. find the perfect gifts. curated right here, just for you. read on.

For the food and wine lover.

The Vinyl

For the Bicycler.

The Vinyl.

For your hippest friend.

the vinyl

The friend who’s been here the longest.

The Vinyl

For the Gypsy Soul.

The Vinyl

For the Writer.

The Vinyl.

For your partner in crime.

The one you keep close because she knows too much, or maybe just enough. she’s the you you want to be and also maybe already are. you’re the same but perfect compliments. so give her these things.

the vinyl.

because the walkmen are the greatest rock band of our generation, next to the national. and this album is everything.

this vintage arrow, from dobbin st co-op, to give her some direction. and protection against intruders. of whom we are all just steps away from or voluntarily towards.

you are a badass, the book and the mentality. Jen sinceros voice presents the secret of the secret with more passion, vibrancy, and ferocity than it even knew it contained. buy one for you and one for her at word in greenpoint.

this evil eye to protect her from evil spirits and bad intentions. and, you know, to generally keep an eye on things. shown here from the grand bazaar in istanbul, get yours at union sq holiday market.

just because it’s winter time doesn’t mean she doesn’t need dope shades. these, from madewell.

a beautiful embodiment of things that we hold in high regard, love, style, life from the lovely garance dore. get this book. from powerhouse arena.

the most perfect gift, a railroad spike cuff. made in new york and engravable, from giles and brother. get- her favorite city, or you know, be part of the cool kids club. #nbo

A subway silhouette of her favorite city. Yeah. I know perfect gift. found at the union square holiday mArket.

when in doubt, candle. candle. this one embodies the warm, inviting, and necessarily invigorating nature of the season. from burson and Reynolds.

a totem. yeah. a fucking totem. why? because we are solo travelers. seeking adventure and connection in equal doses. give her something that embodies that belief. my preferred totem, this guy of course. #whyisntthatelephantalwaysthere

be merry, brooklyn. it’s what we’re here for.

<3L.

THURSDAY
Holiday Warm-Up with the NBBC, Greenpoint
if you haven’t been to one of their parties, or worse, on one of their free kayak tours, you are missing out on more than potentially ingesting contaminants of the newtown creek   seriously though, the north brooklyn boat club has managed to bring so much of what i miss about virginia to a hidden corner of north greenpoint- down to earth people, kayak/canoe tours, seasonal outdoor parties with live music, outhouses that consist of a pile of sawdust and… a scoop. mmmm. home! anyway, let’s combat this oncoming cold weather and look forward to all becoming (or renewing) our memberships with the NBBC- $36 gives you free access to their canoes, kayaks, paddles, and hearts. for an entire year. head down to dirck the norseman to find out more, over beers! 7-11pm, 7 n. 15th st.

FRIDAY
Live Jazz and Gypsy Dinner, Le Fanfare in Greenpoint
i can’t say enough about this place. amazing food, live jazz every friday, saturday, and sunday night. a burrata that will make you want to trade in all of your gold and become a traveling gypsy and a seared octopus that feels like a hug from 4 people at once. go, saturday night, and be charmed by the musical stylings of the honey bees. of whom i am a huge le fan. 8.30-11pm, 1103 manhattan ave.

YEAH! at Grand Victory, williamsburg.
if you believe in lcd soundsystem and anyone they were inspired by and have inspired entering your ears and consequently moving your feet, go to this indie dance party at grand victory to hear dj’s sponsored by You Don’t Have To Settle spinning tunes by bands like future islands, tame impala, hot chip, RAC, phoenix, tanlines, LCD, and basically anything else in your coolest friend’s vinyl collection. free, 11pm, 245 grand st. let’s boogie.

SATURDAY
French Morning Market, cobble hill.
but i’m le tired- well, now you’re le not once you check out this magnifique french holiday market- for the francophile on your list or to help satiate that constant desire to be back in france. (smothering brie on your face is totally acceptable- i miss it too man.) Church of St. Paul, 234 Congress st. saturdays, 10am-2pm, and sundays 11am-6pm. foi gras. will be there. (destroy someone else’s liver, for once.)

unseasonably warm weather calls for biking and drinking, in tandem. or on a tandem bike. you decide- here are two fantastic options:

Whiskey Bike Ride with the Brooklyn Bike Crew. errrywhere.
nothinge gets me up at 10am on a saturday like a long bike ride with the promise of a whiskey bar at the end. never mind, literally, nothing gets me up at that time on a satuday. sleep in OR join me in the below- sounds risky. starts at bedford ave and the eastern parkway, 10am-2pm. let’s ride baby.

Long Island Bike + Winery Tour, the north fork.
this will be the last balmy weekend, i know. blows. but let’s make the best of it, eh? venture out on a bike tour of some north fork wineries to pick up last-minute local holiday gifts and educate yourself on all that (geographically speaking) “our” island has to offer, that go beyond the four-sided tents of smorgasborg. for two easy route suggestions, check out  the north forker’s suggested trails. then, you know- get on the LIRR right back here.

Chili Cook Off, greenpoint.
or, let’s just pretend it’s freezing outside and we desperately need a thick coat of chili and beer on our insides to stay alive. spice things up at the chili cook off at Brouwerij Lane, 78 greenpoint ave, 2-5pm. things are heating up. then cooling down immediately. and we’re all screwed.

Five Years of Fire, sunset park
Pitch Black Collective’s anniversary party at industry city distillery- the last time i was at industry city (not even a year ago) there were a few cats roaming around and hardly enough room to walk, let alone safely “sip” vodka in an extremely hungover state. they’ve cleaned up and started using their amazing waterfront warehouse space for shows, parties, tours, and more vodka tasting. go to this party- live music, art, views, and plenty of vodka. 33 35th st, 6th floor, 8pm to 1am. black out. (if you want.)

SUNDAY– holiday markets, how bazaar!
Dreamers + Doers Market at Space98, in williamsburg
head over to space 98, the facade that ate an urban outfitters, to chill on the rooftop with dusty rose vintage and all your closest artisan friends. plus holiday drinks and eats from the nouveau jewish restaurant formerly known as the gorbals, Esh! (eh!)  98 n. 6th st, noon-5pm. get dem gifts yo.

Hand Makers Holiday Market, greenpoint.
for gifts that tell a story of goodwill without being that obnoxious person cards spouting your own humble gift to a charity in their honor- check out the hand makers holiday market, 1-9pm, 107 green st. get your hands… clean. clean them.

Fort Greene Holiday Market, it’s in fort greene.
leave it to brooklyn’s most charming neighborhood to host a family-friendly, artistic, and inspiring holiday market- a beautifully curated assortment of gifts, crafts, food, and fun! and a photo studio. 11am to 5pm, Arts and Letter Building, Clermont Ave b/w Willoughby and Dekalb. give some greene.

Stuyvesant Indi Bazaar, bed stay
promises to represent one of brooklyn’s most colorful neighborhoods, for all of those hard-to-buy-for people on your list. like, your cat. sunday, 375 stuyvesant ave. bizarre.

Rock ’n Shop Holiday Market, bushwick.
because everything is better in a bushwick warehouse, this holiday market has free pancakes and comedy- no joke. plus vendors, music, art and $3 drafts from 11am-2pm. market every sat and sun- 10am-7pm. totally rocks.

where to eat this weekend
cadaques, williamsburg.
tapas began as a way to prevent spaniards from getting a little too wine drunk- inventive little food bites were placed on top of slices of baguette, which was then balanced on top of every drink you ordered- the king hoped that patrons would be tempted to eat what was on “top” of the drink, thus making better decisions and preventing siestas… well, something good came out of it. all the authentic tapas at this cozy spanish outpost in williamsburg. go here this weekend and have the royal treatment of small foods + beverages. (but NO naps. got it?) 188 grand st.

where to drink this weekend
the shanty, williamsburg.
what is it about cold weather and the holiday season that makes you want to warm up with a spicy drink and share stories and memories with friends or complete strangers or captive bartenders among salvaged wood and an open fire? that used to be a fire station? and has a full working distillery in the back? THE SHANTY PROVIDES ALL OF THOSE THINGS. and damn good music, all the time. go. take a tour of the distillery. be utterly impressed that the dorothy parker gin is so exquisitely drinkable. sing a sea shanty about a shanty town on the shore. the possibilities are endless, but seem tangible enough to feel cozy. see you there, landlubbers. 79 richardson st.