hey there, so glad you’re here. and you should be too. because without me, there’s a good chance you’d be in the dog house this year. yeah. because you haven’t made any valentines day plans. and you got a honey and a little money so let’s get funny baby.
here’s the best way to do it and do it right, in north brooklyn.
find a honey. best places to do so are, depending on your taste, are at lake street, for those in the market for a down-to-earth anything-goes complement to their IPA), alameda, if you’re desirous for someone with a begrudgingly distracted social calendar and a goddamn convincing elevator speech, or goldies, for those seeking a yoga-instructor type who’s hours and mindset are flexible and interested in making what’s yours and mine, ours… and when you spot that person, be charming, be locally-influenced with a boundless perspective. talk about the old lulu’s with reverence and the cocktails at sauvage with vague disinterest. be available yet unattainable. this is how you will hook them.
head to dandelion wines. get some cava. why cava you ask? because it’s from spain which is inherently sexy and it’s the original sparkling wine and between you and me, it is guaranteed to get you in the mood. pick up an effervescent bouquet to complement the bubbly from the stunning and inspirational Doe and Jay, who will be setting up shop at the dandy to bring joy and beauty into the hearts of all you lovers monday and tuesday. $25 bouquets, endless love. 153 franklin st.
le fanfare. simply the most charming restaurant in NoGreePo. for lovers only tuesday night they have a four-course pre-fixe and live music to get you feeling loose and lovey. and just so you know, they have the best burrata i’ve had outside of apulia, (slowly and deliberately brushes shoulders off while making sure everyone is watching) so go and fall in love at least with that (trust me, it won’t be hard.) this year, make your love be blindness and rindless. make your reservation here and have absolutely no reservations. #reallystupidpun 1103 manhattan ave.
let’s kick shit into high gear. because there isn’t time to pussy-foot around town, not this year. let’s get real and down and dirty about love at house of yes’s The Story of Red valentine’s day. an erotic dining experience and sensual dance party. let me tell you why you want to go to this event. there will be a bdsm kink space called wolves of the the dark woods. an option to enter into the shadow box, a space for anonymous exhibitionism (which, by the way, most new yorkers actively refer to as the promenade from the bathroom to the bedroom, and of course naked tuesdays), that rooftop hot tub where we have all shared more than we intended but still less than we secretly desired, tantric massage with a choose-your-own-adventure approach to happy endings… i don’t understand why you’re still reading this. (ok, i do. and i love you for it) go to this event. buy your tickets here. make love and bad decisions in equal parts. it’s valentine’s day, there’s no time to wait, at house of yes – where they don’t take no for an answer.™ 2 wyckoff ave.
thank me, just below this post, in the comments section.